Want to see the change again !

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Life Is Good, Jun 20, 2017.

  1. Life Is Good

    Life Is Good Fapstronaut

    By profession , I am an engineer.
    I was a spiritual person since my childhood. I would love to read about metaphysics and spirituality.
    But during my college days , I got myself in bad companies. Alcohol , smoking and porn became my usual habits. I remember myself jerking almost everyday. I started loosing weight , poor memory , idleness , pimples on my face , short temper and many such problems started increasing in my life. I had girlfriend but most of the time I would try to talk dirty with her. Sex is what my mind was always running for.
    Then I passed out from the college and got a new job. But my old habits remained with me. I used to get irritated with my urge for porn and sex but I couldn't help it. I started thinking of meeting call girls but it never happened because of one reason or another. I started feeling more irritated and depressed. I couldn't continue my job and quite it.
    I wanted a whole change - a complete reboot. I went to a monastry to spend sometime in meditation and spirituality. Their rules where very strict for newbies.
    No excess to internet , no idle talk , no waste of time , no talking with women and many more. We were kept engaged 24X7. Meditation , service to poor , sports, spiritual readings , memorising verses , singing , instrument playing and many such activities were made compulsory for us. So, I didn't get much time to think about opposite sex or carnal desires. But I still used to feel the urge of sex sometimes. A mere look of a beautiful lady would recall the old memory of porn and masterbation. But I always tried to abstain myself from masterbating. Gradually , one year passed and I didn't masterbated even a single time. My friends came to visit me. They were surprised to look at me. They told me that I have gained weight and my face was glowing . It looked very attractive to them. I don't know much of it but I could feel myself as a better person from inside. My thought process were clean - hardly any bad thought , my memory increased , performed excellent in sports and started a love for nature and surrounding.
    Then I returned back home. Again I got myself in the midst of modern world - Internet , social media , fashion , glamour and girls. But I was too confident of my self control. Again sex started lingering in my mind. I couldn't resist it longer and thought that I can watch porn for a minute . It will not do me any harm because I have tremendous self control. Gradually that one minute started increasing into hours. Now I would spend hours and hours on porn. Then one day I convinced myself that one time masterbation will not do me any harm. I jerked. And thus the chain started and the urge started dominating me again. Now I jerk almost thrice a week. I have been with my girlfriend on bed but the passion was not as much as I feel while watching porn. I know it's my downfall again. In morning I take oath that I will not watch porn today but by the end of the day someone sends a xxx content in WhatsApp and I couldn't resist myself from watching porn and masterbation. I feel bad and depressed after doing it. Regret on it. But couldn't help. I use to search a lot of videos in YouTube regarding benefits of celibacy and ways to reach it. It helps me for a day or two but again I fall.
    While searching such videos , I came to know about NoFap.
    Now, I only want to break this habit again and want to be the same person as I used to be in that monastry.

    I am new to this site and don't know how to use it for maximum benefits.
    Thanks a lot.

    Sorry for my poor English.
    Flyhigh likes this.

    SLINGBLADE247 Fapstronaut

    Welcome, and do not worry of falling, but be more determined to get up. I will admit that when you said one minute turned into a chain reaction it made me think in the bible where it said if you give the Devil an inch then he will take the whole foot, and nothing more could be truthful can be said. Hey stay in it and help somebody else here and you will get that help. How was it like being in a monastery
  3. Life Is Good

    Life Is Good Fapstronaut

    Thanks a lot.
    Your words are really appreciated.
    Technically , life style in a prison and in a monastery are not very different. Strict rules and regulations - in both physical and mental level , strict discipline , no physical or carnal pleasure, no roaming or touring and many such restrictions. But the only difference in both world is that the people in monastery accept all those things willingly. They enjoy those restrictions. And in addition , they enjoy a special treasure of spirituality.
    The same happened with me. Those were the golden period of my life.
  4. Life Is Good

    Life Is Good Fapstronaut

    Completed 3 days.
    Had to delete WhatsApp and take break from all social networking sites.
    Stopped watching GoT and other similar semi-erotic series.
    Still sometimes this lust makes me restless and pushes me for watching porn but I control myself somehow.

    The external war is much easier than the inner war.
    Hope I will not relapse.
  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?

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