Life Is Good
Fapstronaut
Hey.
By profession , I am an engineer.
I was a spiritual person since my childhood. I would love to read about metaphysics and spirituality.
But during my college days , I got myself in bad companies. Alcohol , smoking and porn became my usual habits. I remember myself jerking almost everyday. I started loosing weight , poor memory , idleness , pimples on my face , short temper and many such problems started increasing in my life. I had girlfriend but most of the time I would try to talk dirty with her. Sex is what my mind was always running for.
Then I passed out from the college and got a new job. But my old habits remained with me. I used to get irritated with my urge for porn and sex but I couldn't help it. I started thinking of meeting call girls but it never happened because of one reason or another. I started feeling more irritated and depressed. I couldn't continue my job and quite it.
I wanted a whole change - a complete reboot. I went to a monastry to spend sometime in meditation and spirituality. Their rules where very strict for newbies.
No excess to internet , no idle talk , no waste of time , no talking with women and many more. We were kept engaged 24X7. Meditation , service to poor , sports, spiritual readings , memorising verses , singing , instrument playing and many such activities were made compulsory for us. So, I didn't get much time to think about opposite sex or carnal desires. But I still used to feel the urge of sex sometimes. A mere look of a beautiful lady would recall the old memory of porn and masterbation. But I always tried to abstain myself from masterbating. Gradually , one year passed and I didn't masterbated even a single time. My friends came to visit me. They were surprised to look at me. They told me that I have gained weight and my face was glowing . It looked very attractive to them. I don't know much of it but I could feel myself as a better person from inside. My thought process were clean - hardly any bad thought , my memory increased , performed excellent in sports and started a love for nature and surrounding.
Then I returned back home. Again I got myself in the midst of modern world - Internet , social media , fashion , glamour and girls. But I was too confident of my self control. Again sex started lingering in my mind. I couldn't resist it longer and thought that I can watch porn for a minute . It will not do me any harm because I have tremendous self control. Gradually that one minute started increasing into hours. Now I would spend hours and hours on porn. Then one day I convinced myself that one time masterbation will not do me any harm. I jerked. And thus the chain started and the urge started dominating me again. Now I jerk almost thrice a week. I have been with my girlfriend on bed but the passion was not as much as I feel while watching porn. I know it's my downfall again. In morning I take oath that I will not watch porn today but by the end of the day someone sends a xxx content in WhatsApp and I couldn't resist myself from watching porn and masterbation. I feel bad and depressed after doing it. Regret on it. But couldn't help. I use to search a lot of videos in YouTube regarding benefits of celibacy and ways to reach it. It helps me for a day or two but again I fall.
While searching such videos , I came to know about NoFap.
Now, I only want to break this habit again and want to be the same person as I used to be in that monastry.
I am new to this site and don't know how to use it for maximum benefits.
Thanks a lot.
PS:
Sorry for my poor English.
By profession , I am an engineer.
I was a spiritual person since my childhood. I would love to read about metaphysics and spirituality.
But during my college days , I got myself in bad companies. Alcohol , smoking and porn became my usual habits. I remember myself jerking almost everyday. I started loosing weight , poor memory , idleness , pimples on my face , short temper and many such problems started increasing in my life. I had girlfriend but most of the time I would try to talk dirty with her. Sex is what my mind was always running for.
Then I passed out from the college and got a new job. But my old habits remained with me. I used to get irritated with my urge for porn and sex but I couldn't help it. I started thinking of meeting call girls but it never happened because of one reason or another. I started feeling more irritated and depressed. I couldn't continue my job and quite it.
I wanted a whole change - a complete reboot. I went to a monastry to spend sometime in meditation and spirituality. Their rules where very strict for newbies.
No excess to internet , no idle talk , no waste of time , no talking with women and many more. We were kept engaged 24X7. Meditation , service to poor , sports, spiritual readings , memorising verses , singing , instrument playing and many such activities were made compulsory for us. So, I didn't get much time to think about opposite sex or carnal desires. But I still used to feel the urge of sex sometimes. A mere look of a beautiful lady would recall the old memory of porn and masterbation. But I always tried to abstain myself from masterbating. Gradually , one year passed and I didn't masterbated even a single time. My friends came to visit me. They were surprised to look at me. They told me that I have gained weight and my face was glowing . It looked very attractive to them. I don't know much of it but I could feel myself as a better person from inside. My thought process were clean - hardly any bad thought , my memory increased , performed excellent in sports and started a love for nature and surrounding.
Then I returned back home. Again I got myself in the midst of modern world - Internet , social media , fashion , glamour and girls. But I was too confident of my self control. Again sex started lingering in my mind. I couldn't resist it longer and thought that I can watch porn for a minute . It will not do me any harm because I have tremendous self control. Gradually that one minute started increasing into hours. Now I would spend hours and hours on porn. Then one day I convinced myself that one time masterbation will not do me any harm. I jerked. And thus the chain started and the urge started dominating me again. Now I jerk almost thrice a week. I have been with my girlfriend on bed but the passion was not as much as I feel while watching porn. I know it's my downfall again. In morning I take oath that I will not watch porn today but by the end of the day someone sends a xxx content in WhatsApp and I couldn't resist myself from watching porn and masterbation. I feel bad and depressed after doing it. Regret on it. But couldn't help. I use to search a lot of videos in YouTube regarding benefits of celibacy and ways to reach it. It helps me for a day or two but again I fall.
While searching such videos , I came to know about NoFap.
Now, I only want to break this habit again and want to be the same person as I used to be in that monastry.
I am new to this site and don't know how to use it for maximum benefits.
Thanks a lot.
PS:
Sorry for my poor English.
