Wanting to invest more time into my relationship and less (none) into porn

Hi all,

I'm completely new here but motivated and ready to make a change to my life. This really is a big deal for me.

I'm late 20's and have masturbated to porn for around 15 years now. For the most part, I've never particularly had any meaningful relationships, which has reinforced my outlook of "well I enjoy it, I'm not hurting anybody and it's not getting in the way of anything, so why not?!". Evidently, this has become a hard view to change...

I've been fortunate enough to meet the girl of my dreams a few years ago. We're engaged now and excited for our future. My wife-to-be knows that I masturbate to porn on occasion (I didn't want to lie to her and have always been open and honest) and whilst it's hardly music to her ears, it hasn't interfered directly with our sex life (as my sex drive is higher) and she accepts that I'm only doing it to get myself off/'relieve tension' and that porn itself has no emotional involvement or desire to be with the girl(/s) in the videos for me - this is the genuine truth. Whilst we don't talk about it, I probably view it more than she thinks and it hurts me to know how much it could hurt her that this occupies my time.

My addiction seems deep routed. It's a genuine problem. When I've tried to abstain from it I have failed. When there are occasions of me being alone for a while, I'm too easily tempted. Sometimes I've even just watched it without masturbating. I've had it on in the background whilst I've been doing my day-to-day chores or playing on video games. Pretty messed up right? I think my inability to refrain and the large presence it has in my life drew me to the conclusion that enough is enough. It may not directly affect my relationship, but indirectly, it unknowingly could be. In fact, when I really think about it, it probably is doing very subtly. My fiancee means everything to me. I have to change.

This is going to be very difficult to me and I've been too ashamed and embarrassed to confront this head on up until now, but discovering this site has shown me that I'm not alone and that there's a community of like-minded people. I know I'll need help and I'll want to help others too. There's so much more I'd like to share, but I won't bore you. For now - hello! See you on the forums