Warning. Very sick story.

Mattew said:
That story doesn't look sick, there are really worst stories, don't worry.
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I forgot to add that the dog was lying against my leg and I sometimes had IT out in the open if I was gonna watch for a long time, and sometimes touched IT a bit to get more aroused from the P, eventually just watching P didnt give me the arousal I craved. The dog wasn't always next to me but the fact that I didn't care when it was and I just wanted the fix ASAP pisses me off now, it's like I was a drug addict that would do anything to get a fix. And nothing I did felt wrong. Thank you for replying.
 
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crackpanther said:
Thanks but how do I accept the things I've done when being an addict? I feel so disgusted by myself. Has anyone else done really messed up things due to porn addiction? Can a porn addiction make you do messed up things?
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We all have to learn how to move on from our past. Letting go from the things we did wrong and correcting that behaviour to have a better fufure for yourself is one of the hardest but worthwhile things you can do for yourself.
 
ReclaimedLife said:
We all have to learn how to move on from our past. Letting go from the things we did wrong and correcting that behaviour to have a better fufure for yourself is one of the hardest but worthwhile things you can do for yourself.
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Right now I don't feel like I deserve to move on but I hope that'll change. Thanks.
 
Summer Son said:
You are not alone. Today I masturbated to porn in a shopping mall's cinema toilet.
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I'm sorry to hear that. Porn is a disease and people should be better informed regarding its negative aspects, especially the addiction part. Even though porn made me a sicko I still miss watching it, how is that even possible? I know how bad it is for me now but I can't stop thinking about it completely and a part of me still wants to watch it.
 
crackpanther said:
I'm sorry to hear that. Porn is a disease and people should be better informed regarding its negative aspects, especially the addiction part. Even though porn made me a sicko I still miss watching it, how is that even possible? I know how bad it is for me now but I can't stop thinking about it completely and a part of me still wants to watch it.
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Im general, I have watched porn in my all smartphones. People call me when I watch porn, they send me messages I watch porn in background. I am very hopeless man. And my education life is completely suck. I am poor, 20 years old man. Cried again. I remember my life before puberty, and it was awesome. I have had more life satisfaction. I had EMOTIONS! After tons of relapsing cycle, failures this is where I am as a 10 years of usage. It is not just about education, my life is going a bad place in general. I am more unhappy, depressed, have more concentration problems etc. And you know what? I try this maybe more than 5 years! Maybe I wanted to quit when I was started. I just can not understand man I can't. This is not me. And how pixels can altered people's life in this way.
 
crackpanther said:
Thanks but how do I accept the things I've done when being an addict? I feel so disgusted by myself. Has anyone else done really messed up things due to porn addiction? Can a porn addiction make you do messed up things?
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It's the brain. It can trick you into thinking that you like the most disgusting things, in order to get its dose. When it does, it stops the lie, that's why we feel shit afterwards. Just take your time and get over this obstacle like a boss. Nobody knew that porn is addictive and damaging, until we are immersed in the mud...
 
crackpanther said:
It's been 2 months since I last watched porn but I just can't accept all the sick shit I've done, but since I finally realized I was doing these weird things shouldn't that be proof that it was the "disease" making me do these weird things and not the real me?
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I was in a similar situation. My porn usage escalated from "vanilla porn",to femdom, and finally to sissy stuff. The things I did was so disgusting, and now after a long streak it feels so distant from what I am.

Its not a part of you, its part of the addiction mechanism. Humiliating yourelf to get a kick (as in other addictions).

Best thing you can do is to accept what is done is done, forgive yourself and move on in your struggle.

good luck
 
mdz said:
I was in a similar situation. My porn usage escalated from "vanilla porn",to femdom, and finally to sissy stuff. The things I did was so disgusting, and now after a long streak it feels so distant from what I am.

Its not a part of you, its part of the addiction mechanism. Humiliating yourelf to get a kick (as in other addictions).

Best thing you can do is to accept what is done is done, forgive yourself and move on in your struggle.

good luck
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Hi mdz, you've been off porn and masturbation for 500+ days ? how has been your journey ?
 
Man, your case isn't that extreme. You're not a movie character who seeks redemption after crimes he had done. You're a real man who's life simply went wrong at some point, like lives of numerous other people.
You know, I still feel guilty about everything I've done, and man, I had it worse. The thing is, I don't care that much about my past, because that's behind me. That's not the man I am now.
So, don't make yourself a martyr, don't cry over spilled sperm, just deal with it like a real man. That's even more heroic than in the movies, right? Thank God you've noticed your mistakes, now set your goals and start as a 'new you'.
 
whoami33 said:
Hi mdz, you've been off porn and masturbation for 500+ days ? how has been your journey ?
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Hi!
It has been a long journey. I started Nofap in October 2013 (when realizing I hit rock bottom). I relapsed many times. At beginning my porn free streaks were weeks. Then a couple of months. Last time I relapsed I managed to abstain from porn 220 days.
Now i come to a point that i start to forget how it was to use porn and femdom chats. I think thats a good sign.

I started to masturbate when i was 11, so i had. many decades to 'undo'.

My typical withdrawals, symptoms:

Physical:
Nocturnal ejaculation (sometimes just orgasm)
Blood in semen.

Psychological:

Irritability and lower tolerance.
A couple of depressions lasting a week or so.
Feelings of resentment, ruminating over past.
Crying when i hear good music, or watch touching movies.
General anxiety (not so often though)

Things that got much better:

Way less social anxciety
Much less stuttering.
I dont feel like a creep around women and people.
I stopped viewing women through as porn/femdom objects.

Last: I want to warn about the importance to keep your life as simply you can, while rebooting. It can take years.
I made a mistake this summer: I had a quite good job with good colleagues, but decided to quit, and get another one, that was a bit more challenging. The new job was very stressy and a disaster. I should have waited longer, or maybe never change a good job. :)


BR
Mdz
 
Summer Son said:
Im general, I have watched porn in my all smartphones. People call me when I watch porn, they send me messages I watch porn in background. I am very hopeless man. And my education life is completely suck. I am poor, 20 years old man. Cried again. I remember my life before puberty, and it was awesome. I have had more life satisfaction. I had EMOTIONS! After tons of relapsing cycle, failures this is where I am as a 10 years of usage. It is not just about education, my life is going a bad place in general. I am more unhappy, depressed, have more concentration problems etc. And you know what? I try this maybe more than 5 years! Maybe I wanted to quit when I was started. I just can not understand man I can't. This is not me. And how pixels can altered people's life in this way.
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Have you considered getting professional help?
hardowner said:
It's the brain. It can trick you into thinking that you like the most disgusting things, in order to get its dose. When it does, it stops the lie, that's why we feel shit afterwards. Just take your time and get over this obstacle like a boss. Nobody knew that porn is addictive and damaging, until we are immersed in the mud...
Click to expand...
Thanks. I guess since everyone is supportive here you all know that it's the addiction that made me blind to the disgusting things I did and not me.
 
mdz said:
I was in a similar situation. My porn usage escalated from "vanilla porn",to femdom, and finally to sissy stuff. The things I did was so disgusting, and now after a long streak it feels so distant from what I am.

Its not a part of you, its part of the addiction mechanism. Humiliating yourelf to get a kick (as in other addictions).

Best thing you can do is to accept what is done is done, forgive yourself and move on in your struggle.

good luck
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For me it wasn't about humiliating myself I just had to get the fix ASAP when I got the urge no matter what, I didn't care whether the dog was next to me or not. But thank you for confirming that the addiction is to blame and not me. Good luck to you too.

Road To Freedom Finally said:
Man, your case isn't that extreme. You're not a movie character who seeks redemption after crimes he had done. You're a real man who's life simply went wrong at some point, like lives of numerous other people.
You know, I still feel guilty about everything I've done, and man, I had it worse. The thing is, I don't care that much about my past, because that's behind me. That's not the man I am now.
So, don't make yourself a martyr, don't cry over spilled sperm, just deal with it like a real man. That's even more heroic than in the movies, right? Thank God you've noticed your mistakes, now set your goals and start as a 'new you'.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the kind words. Do you think you'll get past feeling guilty at all eventually? I mean once you accept it was nothing but the disease acting then shouldn't the guilt fade away completely? Glad to hear that you're free from the chains.
 
crackpanther said:
Thank you. No ofc I won't tell anyone about this. So you're saying I should just accept that the addiction made me do twisted things and move on?
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Exactly !
We all watched and did horrible things during this addiction and now we use it not to relapse and to remember how stupid and despicable we became. This shit transformed us into monster and dehumanized people. Human devils study every detail to get u addicted and earn money from ur pain, so maybe we did the mistake to begin but its not all our fault. Everyone came back to life here and u can do it too! God let us another chance and he is the most Merciful, lets not waste it !
 
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