Was going to Lurk....

Decided to "come out of the shadows"

I have been obsessed with masturbation since I was molested as a child and became hyper-sexualized.

I have lost everything at 46 years old due to my sexual obsession and masturbation at near constant levels - I do not recall no masturbating for a single day - jail? Fapped - Hospital? fapped Backseat of car during fam vacation? fapped At Church? fapped On a public Bus in front of family and friends? fapped


I lost my wife, ALL of my family (they will not speak to me because of my perversions now) and I am completely alone -

I fapped when I was happy, when I was sad, when I was lonely, depressed, hungry, tired, bored, there is nothing I chose after fapping.

4 times before going to work? almost every day...

heavily addicted to orgasms - stonger than any drug and more habituated than anything.


Cocaine? kicked it Meth? Kicked it Pot? Kicked it Alcohol? kicked it Cigs? KIcked it

Fap - could not even comprehend not kicking it...


Suicidal? two attempts - heavily scarred now - depression and self loathing have been all I have ever known....


Was actually searching for "public fap porn" to masturbate when I stumled on to this site about two weeks ago....


After a few days of reading all the messages of hope - i thought why not me too?


So here I am "NoFap" out and on day ten NoFap



No porn - No Masturbation - No Orgasms


NEVER in my LIFE have I went this long... NOthing has really changed physically or with me interacting with others but I FEEL GREAT THAT I AM NOT A SLAVE TO MASTURBATING AND PORN at least thus far




I am leaning on and using the power of the group and WILL make it to the 90 day reset




Thank you all for your strength when I had none and absolutely no hope




POSTING NOW - without editing because Im afraid I wont post if I reread this

 

Thank you for your encouragement - I am willing to do anything now to try and make it to 90 days to see if I can "reset" my brain like they say at brainonporn - never knew any of that - wow -


Is it possible? Could it be? I am beginning to believe - wanted to fap last night moderately bad - immediately logged in to NoFap and posted my past and read so many success stories - after just a few minutes I felt a power and strength fill me and my desire to fap vanished!

This site may literally be saving actual lives



I do not get the tick mark thing though - can you elaborate on how to do that please?


Thank you

 

Thank you - seems like everything is a trigger right now - not even watching TV for now - seems like every thing is about sex now - everything - every where I look - every woman I see I still objectify and want to do sexual things to her - I read that that will go away - i guess i have never NOT objectified women as sexual tools only for my getting off = cant wait until I can look at a beautiful woman and want to talk to her instead of making her just a sex meat puppet


I will identify triggers and destroy them - I hope to keep learning more and more


Thank you for the advice!

 

Thank you my friend

I also wish you the best -

I have a feeling if my desire to experience life free of constant fantasy and seclusion continues to be greater than my desire to isolate and get more deeply depressed, despondent and even further removed from society in PMO that I will be successful with the help and support and knowledge here to over come this addiction.


I am fast running out of chances - excuses - and justifications - this is it - make it or break it time


Its go time!


Thank you for your very kind and supportive words

 

Thank you Scott for the advice! I actually tried to do the cold shower thing this morning remembering what you said about the benefits - what a puss I am lol - about 3 seconds but I did feel that Exhilaration you spoke of - 5 minutes though? Insane Hardcore! lol

Going to go for that full minute - was a lot harder than I imagined it would be!


I will get there as I am trying again! Too much fun!


Awesome evening tonight as I spent the time I normally would have spent searching for porn and MO'ing over and over again all evening getting more and more despondent and isolated feeling more and more self-loathing and mentally kicking my ass as to what a loser I am - training my brain to hate myself and I actually am feeling like a real live "human being"; operating in the world and not just being led around by my dick and primal urges to masturbate - feels really really good -


Thanks for the encouragement!

Do you have a blog on here?