Was he just being friendly or he liked me?

[green lion eating the sun]

so recently during a gathering for an event, everyone else left and i was with a guy that I met first time in that moment. I am 26 and he is 27. i was about to come back home as well when he proposed to grab to go to a coffee shop. eventually we went to a restaurant. we laughed a lot, i dunno i liked his physical appearance and it was nice talking to him too. he had a tattoo and i couldn't help it but i touched it for a second. i mean i was drawn to him. we were playfully teasing each other with some jokes. he also asked after lunch offered me a chewing gum. he chew a gum as well. sometimes guys do it to prepare for a kiss but not sometimes also friends did this. when he was eating a dessert i used at the same time the 2 spoons he had and and fed him jokingly

so after lunch, he said he had to leave but wanted to come with me at my bus stop (before asked if it was very far). on my way to the bus stop, i remember we forgot to pay at the restaurant lol (never happened to me before) and i insisted i wanted to go back and pay. he said he was going to go back and pay but i was not sure he was going to actually pay. when we got to the place, i was about to pay my part but he paid for both me and him

then i asked him (given he told me before he had to go - he answered the phone twice in his language and maybe he had to go but he didn't look he was in a rush) if he was ok to take me with his car a bit closer to my house. i wasn't sure if we was ok with it or didn't want to be rude. btw he then took me to basically my house, where i asked him to stop 10 minutes from my house. he drove for a hour but we live in a big city

when he stopped his car, i went out and he then came out of the car too and opened the back of the car where there was something for his new house (a piece of electronic stuff) maybe he wanted to move it i dunno and he gave me a hug with one arm and i patted on his back (it was awkward) and said it was nice to meet me and it was nice talking with me. i think he was trying to not let me leave too fast, i think he was stalling

some hours later i texted him asking about a book we talked about and just replied with the title and author so a little cold. i replied thanking him and he only read my text (didn't look he wanted to talk to me anymore) he told me during the several hours we talked that he is moving very soon to another city in the same country. obviously I know now this makes no sense but I dunno I had a feeling he liked me but then his texting after made me think the opposite; I was not at my best picking up guys phase in that moment so not 100% confident

he was laughing, smiling a lot though and sometimes looking at my face for longer than usual people would look at another person's eyes. was it all in my mind and he was just being nice or he liked me back? i am just curious. to be honest, I felt really good at talking with this guy. i was mentally bonding. it is a win for my personal growth, very proud of me

 

[Burrich1]

Hello @green lion eating the sun

It sounds to me like he liked you back. There are a lot of things in the story that indicate this. You guys were having a good time at the restaurant Laughing and connecting. Also, he wanted to walk you to your bus stop.

Now, he could have been hoping for something a little more immediate with you, and was disappointed he didn’t get it. He may have taken your asking for a ride home as you being interested is something along those lines. Even if that were true though, you it shouldn’t take away at all from your pride in making a mental connection with him. I only say that because if he is planning to move to a different city, he knew that all along. Anyway, congratulations on your connection and your noFap progress.
-Burrich1

 

[Deleted Account]

so recently during a gathering for an event, everyone else left and i was with a guy that I met first time in that moment. I am 26 and he is 27. i was about to come back home as well when he proposed to grab to go to a coffee shop. eventually we went to a restaurant. we laughed a lot, i dunno i liked his physical appearance and it was nice talking to him too. he had a tattoo and i couldn't help it but i touched it for a second. i mean i was drawn to him. we were playfully teasing each other with some jokes. he also asked after lunch offered me a chewing gum. he chew a gum as well. sometimes guys do it to prepare for a kiss but not sometimes also friends did this. when he was eating a dessert i used at the same time the 2 spoons he had and and fed him jokingly

so after lunch, he said he had to leave but wanted to come with me at my bus stop (before asked if it was very far). on my way to the bus stop, i remember we forgot to pay at the restaurant lol (never happened to me before) and i insisted i wanted to go back and pay. he said he was going to go back and pay but i was not sure he was going to actually pay. when we got to the place, i was about to pay my part but he paid for both me and him

then i asked him (given he told me before he had to go - he answered the phone twice in his language and maybe he had to go but he didn't look he was in a rush) if he was ok to take me with his car a bit closer to my house. i wasn't sure if we was ok with it or didn't want to be rude. btw he then took me to basically my house, where i asked him to stop 10 minutes from my house. he drove for a hour but we live in a big city

when he stopped his car, i went out and he then came out of the car too and opened the back of the car where there was something for his new house (a piece of electronic stuff) maybe he wanted to move it i dunno and he gave me a hug with one arm and i patted on his back (it was awkward) and said it was nice to meet me and it was nice talking with me. i think he was trying to not let me leave too fast, i think he was stalling

some hours later i texted him asking about a book we talked about and just replied with the title and author so a little cold. i replied thanking him and he only read my text (didn't look he wanted to talk to me anymore) he told me during the several hours we talked that he is moving very soon to another city in the same country. obviously I know now this makes no sense but I dunno I had a feeling he liked me but then his texting after made me think the opposite; I was not at my best picking up guys phase in that moment so not 100% confident

he was laughing, smiling a lot though and sometimes looking at my face for longer than usual people would look at another person's eyes. was it all in my mind and he was just being nice or he liked me back? i am just curious. to be honest, I felt really good at talking with this guy. i was mentally bonding. it is a win for my personal growth, very proud of me

Sounds to me like he definitely liked you back. Your story made that pretty clear. As far as the texting goes, who knows. Maybe he's not much of a texter, or maybe he was at work or busy in some other way.

 

[MikeDownUnder]

Hope you find your answer. Either way hope this clears your journey to NoFap, unless you don’t have any porn addiction but just wanted someone’s opinion on your friend. I think he likes you.

 

[elevate]

The problem with analyzing and deciphering these situations is that it's just speculation and assumptions.

This person did this and that, but didn't do this and that. What does it mean when they do this and what does it mean when they do that? Then you ask other people (who weren't there experiencing the situation first hand) for clarification on these vague signals (coming from your point of view of the story). It's just a lot of "maybes" and "what if's". It's like those men who like to decipher signals of women playing with their hair or random body language. Sure, chewing gum can mean something more... or maybe chewing gum is just chewing gum. You won't know if you don't communicate properly and take risks by going for what you want.

If you want to know something, then ask. If you want something, then express that desire in a clear and bold manner. The more clear and bold your actions are... the more you express yourself honestly... the more other people will reveal their level of interest in you. The less clear and honest you are about what you want... the more people will sidestep the issue and play vague and unclear games with you.

Personally, I think it's a waste of time when two people are dancing around something they really want, but are afraid to fully commit to honest expression out of fear of getting rejected or emotionally hurt. People like to think this is some sort of flirting, but you can build way more positive tension when you're bold and clear with your intentions. When you confidently and securely tell another person what you want and express your honest truth. Be proud of what you want. Express your desires. The rest is up to others if they want to join you on that adventure.

Practice doing this and you'll never have to ask "did he like me?" ever again.

 

[Deleted Account]

If a person is just nice, he won't spend money on someone else's food, he won't drive someone else around the city for an hour, he won't spend that much time if he has to go somewhere else. Would you do this to a total stranger if you didn't like them? Really?

And your explanation of following events is very subjective - you have really no information and as elevate said - it is all just speculation. He is moving out - he might have to take a lot of things, transport, move in cart - maybe there was really no time to send long replies - he was with you for a longer time, though! Don't catastrophize!

If you really wish to know more - call him (from another number? ), surprise him - just no texts. And probably it was just because he got veery busy



If you have time, read Learned Optimism

 

[green lion eating the sun]

Hello @green lion eating the sun

It sounds to me like he liked you back. There are a lot of things in the story that indicate this. You guys were having a good time at the restaurant Laughing and connecting. Also, he wanted to walk you to your bus stop.

Now, he could have been hoping for something a little more immediate with you, and was disappointed he didn’t get it. He may have taken your asking for a ride home as you being interested is something along those lines. Even if that were true though, you it shouldn’t take away at all from your pride in making a mental connection with him. I only say that because if he is planning to move to a different city, he knew that all along. Anyway, congratulations on your connection and your noFap progress.
-Burrich1

Thank you @Burrich1 maybe he slightly thought at some point i would have asked him to enter my house but he didn't ask for it directly(i saw he had a certain reaction when i told i don't live alone). I appreciate that he didn't push for anything. i was happy that things didn't escalate in any other way. i was ok with just flirting and talking with him

 

[green lion eating the sun]

Hope you find your answer. Either way hope this clears your journey to NoFap, unless you don’t have any porn addiction but just wanted someone’s opinion on your friend. I think he likes you.

i was a p and s addict still in my journey to healing. for me this bonding moment with a guy meant a lot. it was the fact i could bond and i was connecting with a guy on a mental level that made me happy more than anything

 

[green lion eating the sun]

The problem with analyzing and deciphering these situations is that it's just speculation and assumptions.

This person did this and that, but didn't do this and that. What does it mean when they do this and what does it mean when they do that? Then you ask other people (who weren't there experiencing the situation first hand) for clarification on these vague signals (coming from your point of view of the story). It's just a lot of "maybes" and "what if's". It's like those men who like to decipher signals of women playing with their hair or random body language. Sure, chewing gum can mean something more... or maybe chewing gum is just chewing gum. You won't know if you don't communicate properly and take risks by going for what you want.

If you want to know something, then ask. If you want something, then express that desire in a clear and bold manner. The more clear and bold your actions are... the more you express yourself honestly... the more other people will reveal their level of interest in you. The less clear and honest you are about what you want... the more people will sidestep the issue and play vague and unclear games with you.

Personally, I think it's a waste of time when two people are dancing around something they really want, but are afraid to fully commit to honest expression out of fear of getting rejected or emotionally hurt. People like to think this is some sort of flirting, but you can build way more positive tension when you're bold and clear with your intentions. When you confidently and securely tell another person what you want and express your honest truth. Be proud of what you want. Express your desires. The rest is up to others if they want to join you on that adventure.

Practice doing this and you'll never have to ask "did he like me?" ever again.

I agree with you, i don't like playing games it just gives me headache lol i like to go straight to the point. usually when i flirt, pick up a guy i am in the "hunting" mood and i am very confident about myself but that day with him i wasn't and so i got doubts. i didn't even feel very beautiful but it was just in my mind. i would have been more upfront if that would have made sense but i knew i was not going to see him anymore. i feel he was attracted to me, it was not behaving like a friend, it was more than that but he didn't want to pursue and it is ok. i mean he is moving away soon and there are so many other girls and guys to have a good time

 

[green lion eating the sun]

If a person is just nice, he won't spend money on someone else's food, he won't drive someone else around the city for an hour, he won't spend that much time if he has to go somewhere else. Would you do this to a total stranger if you didn't like them? Really?

And your explanation of following events is very subjective - you have really no information and as elevate said - it is all just speculation. He is moving out - he might have to take a lot of things, transport, move in cart - maybe there was really no time to send long replies - he was with you for a longer time, though! Don't catastrophize!

If you really wish to know more - call him (from another number? ), surprise him - just no texts. And probably it was just because he got veery busy



If you have time, read Learned Optimism

not gonna get in touch with him anymore. those hours we talked that day was good though. that's true i wouldn't drive a guy i didn't like for an hour etc. lol don't want to chase a guy. obviously it wasn't meant to be given he is moving away soon and also that we connected but don't think it would have lasted in the long long run and also he didn't have enough interest to keep the conversation going

Thanks for the Learned Optimism, same mindset as the Law of Attraction all about thinking of good vibes and good things will happen

 

[Jason_Tesla_19]

General rule for women: when in doubt, he likes you.
General rule for men: when in doubt, she's just being friendly.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../how-men-overestimate-womens-interest-in-them

 

[elevate]

General rule for women: when in doubt, he likes you.
General rule for men: when in doubt, she's just being friendly.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../how-men-overestimate-womens-interest-in-them

Or you can just stop making assumptions, let go of expectations, focus on going for what you want, and finding out for sure.

This is why people that are comfortable with rejection and the potential of getting hurt are the most successful in relationships. They have the vulnerability to go for what they want and take more risks. They don't depend on other people's validation for their self worth. They know they're imperfect just like everyone else. They know that not everyone will be interested in them just like they won't be interested in everyone that they meet.

Most people take rejection way too personally. They try to protect themselves from it via playing games to try to find some sort of guarantee that they won't get hurt. You're trying to match up with a stranger that has different circumstances, experiences, thoughts, interests, and upbringing. Why would you try to assume to know whether or not they're interested in you?

All a rejection really means is "no thanks, as a single unique individual I'm not interested in you", but people like to think of it as "no, you're completely undesirable to the entire human race and you should be ashamed of yourself".

Rejection is going to happen. So you can either try to avoid it and take less risks (which leads to less rejections, but also less chances of acceptance) or you can embrace it and take more risks (which leads to more rejections, but also more chances of acceptance).

In my opinion, taking rejection personally is being emotionally immature, irrational, and unrealistic.

 

[LEPAGE]

If it was me, and I asked you out for coffee after the initial event was over, that would have been a 100% foolproof sign that I liked you. Men don't just go for coffee.

 

[green lion eating the sun]

If it was me, and I asked you out for coffee after the initial event was over, that would have been a 100% foolproof sign that I liked you. Men don't just go for coffee.

eventually after that, he asked me out last week coz he stayed in town and the sort of "date" didn't go good. it was boring. it felt completely different from the other time, when we met. i dunno why. we didn't really laugh and we did not get along. was it my fault too? I feel different again, went back to when i was rebooted(feels very grateful about my reboot but the reboot changes me so much). now i am 52 days without PMO free. he looked good but my libido was dead. when my libido is dead i am safe though. he insisted in giving me a hug, i knew he wanted to kiss me though. he was anxious last week on the date

btw we texted a bit after that. before he said "it was fun" and then the texting died and he left me on read. i tried to ask him out again and then he left me again on read without texting me back few days ago. i deleted his number, he can't see my picture anymore. we are still "friends" on another platform but that is it. he was not the guy i want and can be in the long run(so kinda felt i was wasting my time), so also didn't feel super happy about this date. I am tired of dating. I wanna win at the game instead of keep playing the game. it actually made me think how i messed it up with a guy i had before until a month and a half ago. i had more things in common and his brain fascinated me. the only with whom i felt it was right for me and would last in the long run

i dunno why sometimes with even people i wanna be friends with and at first i enjoy their company and then it gets boring, i go out super fun and then the following time with the same person boring as hell. any advice? is that coz i am bored myself and in those moments i am not in a great mood too?

 

[TheManDude]

Hey @green lion eating the sun I read your story and this

eventually after that, he asked me out last week coz he stayed in town and the sort of "date" didn't go good. it was boring. it felt completely different from the other time, when we met. i dunno why. we didn't really laugh and we did not get along. was it my fault too? I feel different again, went back to when i was rebooted(feels very grateful about my reboot but the reboot changes me so much). now i am 52 days without PMO free. he looked good but my libido was dead. when my libido is dead i am safe though. he insisted in giving me a hug, i knew he wanted to kiss me though. he was anxious last week on the date

btw we texted a bit after that. before he said "it was fun" and then the texting died and he left me on read. i tried to ask him out again and then he left me again on read without texting me back few days ago. i deleted his number, he can't see my picture anymore. we are still "friends" on another platform but that is it. he was not the guy i want and can be in the long run(so kinda felt i was wasting my time), so also didn't feel super happy about this date. I am tired of dating. I wanna win at the game instead of keep playing the game. it actually made me think how i messed it up with a guy i had before until a month and a half ago. i had more things in common and his brain fascinated me. the only with whom i felt it was right for me and would last in the long run

i dunno why sometimes with even people i wanna be friends with and at first i enjoy their company and then it gets boring, i go out super fun and then the following time with the same person boring as hell. any advice? is that coz i am bored myself and in those moments i am not in a great mood too?

And I've been in that situation a couple of times (even to the point of disliking the company of someone I was dating) and I'm still struggling to figure out why... sometimes things don't go the way we want them too.

I can't help you a lot with your question so i'm sorry, but I think is not your fault losing interest in the guy, especially of you know that you're wasting your time and his.

 

[green lion eating the sun]

Hey @green lion eating the sun I read your story and this

And I've been in that situation a couple of times (even to the point of disliking the company of someone I was dating) and I'm still struggling to figure out why... sometimes things don't go the way we want them too.

I can't help you a lot with your question so i'm sorry, but I think is not your fault losing interest in the guy, especially of you know that you're wasting your time and his.

but this happen to girls i start to hang out with too not just some guys i may "like". i go out with them and feel we get along so well we could become best friends and then the following time i meet them, it is boring and feels completely different. i change the people i hang out but get this same result. it has something to do with me. i am almost 27. some girls get pregnant at my age or i know few already got married

i don't wanna keep dating. i don't wanna keep dating the wrong guy anymore (or simply a guy i can't see myself being with in the long run). the first time we met it was cool with this guy, not amazing but it was nice. last week i was about to stay in the bar alone and telling him he could go home given he had to work next morning. i thought i could try to bond with this guy, and the fact he didn't chase me after the date was sort of upsetting. That he lost interest and we didn't even kiss. I want to feel wanted. I want to be chosen by guys, that see me as a great person

 

[TheManDude]

but this happen to girls i start to hang out with too not just some guys i may "like". i go out with them and feel we get along so well we could become best friends and then the following time i meet them, it is boring and feels completely different. i change the people i hang out but get this same result. it has something to do with me. i am almost 27. some girls get pregnant at my age or i know few already got married

That happened to me a couple time as well, but you can't go around expecting to have a great time with lots of fun always because people have problems and the mood is not always right... the same goes for you. Maybe you have a lot of expectations from the people around you and that's what makes you lose interest when they don't meet them. And the thing about getting pregnant and married is different for everyone, stressing over it is not very helpful is it?

i don't wanna keep dating. i don't wanna keep dating the wrong guy anymore (or simply a guy i can't see myself being with in the long run). the first time we met it was cool with this guy, not amazing but it was nice. last week i was about to stay in the bar alone and telling him he could go home given he had to work next morning. i thought i could try to bond with this guy, and the fact he didn't chase me after the date was sort of upsetting. That he lost interest and we didn't even kiss. I want to feel wanted. I want to be chosen by guys, that see me as a great person

And maybe this is the same thing about expectations... there's not a "right person", that's an idea impose to us by movies and dramas... real love is something you gotta work hard for and finding someone who's willing to make the effort for you is the difficult part of that.

Him losing his interest seems possible, did you ask him if he liked you? Or did you make clear that you were into him?

 

[green lion eating the sun]

That happened to me a couple time as well, but you can't go around expecting to have a great time with lots of fun always because people have problems and the mood is not always right... the same goes for you. Maybe you have a lot of expectations from the people around you and that's what makes you lose interest when they don't meet them. And the thing about getting pregnant and married is different for everyone, stressing over it is not very helpful is it?


And maybe this is the same thing about expectations... there's not a "right person", that's an idea impose to us by movies and dramas... real love is something you gotta work hard for and finding someone who's willing to make the effort for you is the difficult part of that.

Him losing his interest seems possible, did you ask him if he liked you? Or did you make clear that you were into him?

I know for a fact he liked my physical appearance. I think he expected that night to be nice when we met. I didn't show i was into him coz truth is I'm not into him. I don't really care about him. He was supposed to be a rebound guy. I knew it couldn't work with him and he knew that as well. There's this guy I was for months and I'd like to see him so much. So much, have another chance. An amazing guy

 

[salvacion_a_888]

Ditto what @elevate said. That dude knows what he's talking about.

 

[green lion eating the sun]

Ditto what @elevate said. That dude knows what he's talking about.

well now i can clearly see he doesn't like me. great for my ego. but don't care anymore. he is not the guy for me. it would have been a waste of time. happy i didnt kiss him