Was this suicidal or not?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by WayIare, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. WayIare

    WayIare Fapstronaut

    I was completely drunk the other night.

    Had been drinking at the bar for hours.
    Hammered out of my mind.
    Complete fool.

    I have prescription muscle relaxers that you are not to take while drinking... Right before hitting the bed... I took one. But why? I wasn't in pain. I didn't need one... Why did I take it? Did I think maybe with that much booze and only one pill it would've shut my breathing off?
    What if I decided to take 10..? Or the whole bottle?
    I did this with a Xanax once not long ago..
    Sometimes I think I have a death wish.
    That I've read every page of the book and I want to read the last one.
    I don't know what's wrong with me.
    I'm exceedingly depressed and tired.. I don't want to hit rock bottom.
  2. Beamer

    Beamer NoFap Moderator
    Staff Member

    Hello ,

    I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.

    In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone their to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, StopSuicide maintains a list of online instant messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feelings you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!

    The ModerationTeam
  3. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    Listen to what @Beamer says. Depression can be a nasty thing, and I would encourage you to speak to your GP to find out what "official" help is available. You don't mention which country you live in, and the health services can vary greatly between countries, including cost. Your GP might need to know that you drink excessively.

    Also consider complementary therapies, whether they be physical (think of massage therapy, a sauna, and more) or mental (hypnotherapy, Reiki, NLP, and many, many more). If cost is a problem, scour YouTube for EFT (emotional freedom technique) instructions, which can be done by yourself, although of course working with a certified practitioner is definitely preferred.

    Alcohol will depress you further. It's what alcohol does. Maybe at the time when you are drinking, you temporarily feel better, but it makes your day-to-day life worse because of the way it affects both your brain and your body. This makes is a vicious cycle, because drink leads to more depression leads to more drink leads to more depression, and so on.

    Just don't drink. Period. I stopped drinking alcohol almost 30 years ago, and I've always been extremely happy with my decision. Depending on your culture or age, you might find friends mocking you and trying to "persuade" you to drink (I had plenty of that at first), but ignore it. It's your body and your life, not theirs.

    If you feel depressed, two things often pick you up quickly, even though while you're depressed you won't believe it possible. Doing any kind of mental puzzle (get a puzzle book) or any type of exercise (try playing a sport or going for a brisk walk in nature).
  4. WayIare

    WayIare Fapstronaut

    I've been going to therapy on and off over the years.
    I've tried different anti depressants.
    I did hypnotherapy and it did stop me from smoking.
    I get frustrated with life so I hit the bar alot.. somehow you always feel better when a nice looking waitress is pouring you drinks in a dark room.
    Maybe I'll try the instant messaging sites... That sounds like a good place to start
  5. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    That's not a solution. Everyone gets frustrated with life. Taking recreational drugs won't fix anything; all it will do is give you a temporary illusion of feeling better, while making everything worse in the long run.

    Can you sit down and work out what you are passionate about? When sober, sit with a blank page and a pen, and write down all the activities that you love doing (no, not sex; that's just a brief spurt of action, not a passion that you can follow, unless you seriously want to get involved in the sex industry. I don't recommend that). Do you enjoy stamp-collecting, economics, helping people, mathematics, art, football, writing, playing music, …

    What three activities give you the most enjoyment? Are you more cerebral or physical? Creative or logical? Engineer or arty? A social extravert or a quiet introvert? Who are you and what do you love doing?

    Once you have figured that out, you can go onto making goals. Find yourself a fully qualified life coach (not a therapist or a feel-good guru; they're not the same thing as genuine life coaching. Ask where they qualified, and if it wasn't a genuine life coaching school, move on).
    As I said, a temporary illusion of a fix. I can't identify with this, anyway; it sounds horrible to me! I'd rather be out doing something — anything! — than drinking alone in a dark room. It makes no difference who's pouring the drinks. It sounds like you are fantasizing about the waitress, even though you have exactly zero chance with her (why would she want to go out with someone getting drunk in a dark room?!).

    Drinking is avoiding a decision and avoiding action. Stop doing it, and stop making lame excuses.

    Don't be afraid of making mistakes. As a mentor said to me, "If you're not making mistakes, you're not actually doing anything." Another mentor said, "It's better to make a bad decision than to make no decision." These two comments have helped me immeasurably over my life.

    We've all made mistakes. The difference is not whether or not you've made mistakes, but what you are going to do about your life… now.

    Instead of fantasizing about a woman whom you can't get, go fantasize about what you really want in life. If you don't know what it is, fantasize about figuring it out.

    Then, stop fantasizing… and do it!
  6. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    All of the answers above are true bro, alcohol is a depressant. Any drug is. Porn is too. These are all depressants. They literally depress the central nervous system. You just keep drinking to avoid tolerance to the alcohol because the tolerance is what is making you feel bad.

    You need to find a way out of the alcohol habit and start from there. It doesn't sound to me like you have a real suicidal depression. Maybe you just took the tranquilizer without being fully aware of the effects combined with alcohol? Alcohol can very much disrupt sleep patterns and keep you awake, maybe you took one to sleep better? Not sure but what I do know is that real suicidal depression and ideation is often expressed in very violent episodes and will express itself on the conscious level as well. This happened to a cousin of mine and he crawled into his parents' bed at night telling them he wanted to end it. So people who do really want to die are aware themselves. Fortunately everything turned out fine for him and I'm sure it will for you too, as long as you don't try to find meaning in substances. Like the other guys say alcohol will only make it worse bro. The high is only temporary, after that the nerves sink in a little more each time.
  7. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    Usually, this is correct. However, in some mental disorders, this isn't always conscious. I know someone who discovered that he had been researching suicide while he wasn't "awake". Scary! He went to the doctor and received appropriate help.

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