Wasted Years

Hi! A pleasure to be here

You can call me "Goat" if you want. I'm 20 and I'm from Mexico. I've grown in a very troublesome and dysfunctional family moving from town to town... I've been dealing with masturbation since I was 11 and lived with my mom and her boyfriend at the office of a parking lot we used to manage... The shittiest time of my life tbh, no doubt I got into It as a way to escape. My dad is into mystical stuff from different cultures, and he told me a lot of gross consequences of masturbation that in my early years that scared the heck out of me... But I kept doing it one way or another.
I realized from some time now, leaving aside all my dad's mumbo-jumbos, that it takes a lot of energy and vitality from me. It's not very compulsory, but i'ts very constant and it's hard for me to break the habit, so I'm here seeking for help...

As the title says, I feel all the time I turned to masturbation (as I mentioned before, almost a decade) as an escape as wasted time, but I deeply want to live all the things I missed in these last years of youth that I still have in my hands.
Pretty much every relationship I've had with women has been a fiasco. Even, I sort of got laid with a girl last year, but with very poor and embarassing results. My life's been a mess lately, problems with my friends, and people I thought were, and all that stuff. I Moved from my hometown to a larger city to enter college. I got a job quickly and sort of got busy with studying for the exam too, but I don't have any friends here, and even though I live with my mother, I don't see very often. Also, the burden of failures at love, social interaction and even not feeling capable enough to do the things I loved from my last time back at my hometown torments me... So it's very easy to me to fall again into this shit. But ¨I see the dawn rising in the east after a starless night¨

I hope to get help and pay it back in every way I can.

Also, Although I'm pretty decent at English, It would be nice to talk privately with a spanish peaker, I think it would make me feel more confident talking about some deep, kinda dark personal experiences in my mother language.

Thanks for reading, and my best wishes to all sharing this road with me.

 

Thanks for the link, It'll help.