Watched porn when i was trying to watch religious video

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kristen, May 3, 2017.


  1. You're worth a lot more than just your body. I don't know you, but you seem like a kind girl, who wants to get her head back on straight. You made some mistakes, sure. But who hasn't? Anyone who wants to fix their problems is pretty cool in my book.

    Your sexual behavior is what you use to medicate a problem you have. That problem is one the you have admitted, feelings of worthlessness.

    You have indicated it is because you have a bad relationship with your dad, that's something I can understand. Me and my old man don't get along either. I haven't seen or talked to him in years, and I don't plan on doing so anytime soon.

    Whereas you were given an inferiority complex due to your bad experiences, I was given a fear. That fear is the fear that I will turn out like him. Also, sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if he was a decent human being. What it would have been like to have a normal life. What it is like to have a father.

    I wish I could tell you I found a silver bullet, an magic potion, or a super good story to fix all daddy issues, but I didn't. I probably never will either. You can't fix it, and it will never go away. The only thing you can do is fill the hole left behind. You can choose to fill this hole with evil things or good things, things that destroy you or things that build you up.

    Ultimately, you need to learn to love yourself. A good place to start doing this is by accepting yourself, every bump and bruise included. Show the love to yourself, the love your father never gave you. Love unconditionally, love past the sins and the mistakes, past the addiction and shortcomings. Who needs that old man anyway?

    Fill yourself with love before you look for love elsewhere. Only then can you find the man you deserve, the man who will love all of you, not just your body.
     
  2. 1. Do you really think the men that participate with and indulge you, really think about, care about or love you? This part of the brain that engages in pmo and sex is by design meant overwhelm our mind and heart and only listen to the body... making the other two, virtually enslaved to its repetitious onslaught. So find a way to rid yourself the DENIAL... and accept the situation without letting the enslaved negative emotions (shame/guilt etc) or the enslaved negative thoughts (i am worthless etc) cloud your true inner spirit and resolve.
    2. "Bottomless pit"... this is textbook addiction (and once an addict, always an addict is WRONG... you CAN get better). And you know that (you know the solution and the way out of this mess, but its harder than just getting the temporary fix). What you want can be acquired without it being an addiction if you find a boyfriend or soulmate... but in order to love someone else, love yourself first. Otherwise it will become another skewed relationship which you do not want to be a part of. Imho.

    Kristen, give yourself all the liberty but listen to and do only the thing that comes from a place of trueness from the very core of your being... the most authentic part of yourself. Also don't hold yourself to an ideal... you gotta fight for yourself. And a fight with oneself is perpetual only if you give up... once you decide to win, it will happen sooner or later.
     
  3. I did the same, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. I also went a lot to strip clubs, paid a girl to do a private lapdance and then paid extra money to do more. I'm lucky to be STD free (tested myself not long ago) because I've done a lot of reckless things. In porn you see people have reckless sex all the time and it's like it doesn't matter. That sort of gets imprinted on the brain and you behave in a shameful way that if you were rebooted you wouldn't be like that.

    It's because of our impulses that we do these things, to teach self control, discipline, means that despite the impulse we are capable of not doing harmful things for our own good. I don't know you, I don't know all of the things you've done, but here I tell you that those things are in the past, and I believe you can be the real person inside that wants to be free from this addiction.
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  4. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    Anytime we do something we do so because we perceive it to be good. Anything we do we think offers us some benefit. The sexual stuff we've all gotten into we think does something good for us. And we are right. Of course the good for us could just be a simple release of tension or a short moment of pleasure. The good for us could be something that we shouldn't do despite the pleasure we find in it. The good of fleeting pleasure could result in a hard crash of shame. We are all experiencing that to varying degrees. Many if not most of us are doing things we couldn't have imagined ourselves doing.

    Something that is truly good for us we'll find happiness from. We'll also be content with whatever amount we have. We may desire more, but we'll not desire more because we are unsatisfied with what we got. Anything we do where we feel unsatisfied from doing it and crave more is simply something that is not good for us. It is not something that brings true or actual happiness. It is trying to fulfill a desire the wrong way.

    I think your seeking love through sex is very, very common. One reason I got into PMO is because I felt unloved coming from a broken home and traumatic childhood. PMO was trying to fill a void. But it could never fill it. It was a bad attempt at solving my problem. I can stop, that is I believe I can, the PMO, but if I don't work on my whole self I'm not really solving the problem. I'm just stopping a specific set of behaviors.

    Loving someone means desiring what is best for them. What is best for us isn't the various degrading activities we've engaged in. We aren't showing love for ourselves and the people who participate or aid us in this aren't showing love for us. They are just using us for their own pleasure. Therefore any pleasure we get in this isn't love. It is a false substitute.

    If you are religious then you should believe that God loves you unconditionally. Knowing that isn't magic that automatically fixes you. But it is something you should meditate on. Place it before your mind.

    If God loves you unconditionally then you have value just for being. Not a single thing you do makes you valuable. Not a single thing you do makes you not valuable. You just are valuable. So do you love yourself? You should because God loves you. You are valuable and worthy of love. No amount of love from any other person will surpass the love God has for you.

    Loving yourself means seeking what is best for you. This means not engaging in activities that aren't good for you. As you start to love yourself you'll probably encounter more people who will truly love you. One thing is certain you won't find those people where you'd engage in degrading activities where you are simply an object to derive pleasure from. Even if you don't find such people you still need to love yourself. Your value isn't based on who loves you.
     
  5. Doctor Misterio

    Doctor Misterio Fapstronaut

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    Oh boy I haven't laughed so hard in a while. I loved your opening post. I totally relate to your questions.
    Even God has his standards??? That cracked me up. For God will never get tired of forgiving, it is only us who gets tired of asking forgiveness. The mercy of our Lord is endeless.
    I hope you can find the answers you seek, you gotta let me know how you doin'.

    Best wishes
     
  6. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    I think I know what is really going on here. Does anyone else know?
     
  7. Kristen

    Kristen Guest

    I do!
     
  8. Kristen

    Kristen Guest

    I cant, I even view myself as worthless and garbage. Honestly id rather die before doing that.
     
  9. Kristen

    Kristen Guest

    :b
     
  10. Kristen

    Kristen Guest

    Nope
     
    tweeby likes this.
  11. Hi Kristen,

    Maybe the problem isn't that you don't love God enough, but that you don't love yourself enough?
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  12. Hey girl, I relate a bit to your struggles, especially how you feel curious about something sexual so Google it and it leads to bad places, and feeling unworthy of prayer when you repeatedly break your promises to God.

    My advice is...
    - God is All-Loving, All-Forgiving and will assist you if you truly reach for His assistance. There's a saying, when you feel far from God, it isn't Him who's moved.

    - You have a current test/challenge. Everything you need to overcome it is available to you, but you need to do the work. No one will do the work for you. God isn't going to make this disappear because this is your opportunity to strengthen, grow and become a better person. If He made the problem disappear, you would miss out on the learning and spiritual progress that awaits.

    - Try, try, try again. Your faith is diminished? Replenish it. You're tired of trying and failing? Find the strength you need to carry on. You're ashamed of betraying your beliefs? Stop doing it then. You feel attached to others desiring you? Strive to detach from the rush you get from that and seek fulfilment from God's love and your own spiritual progress.

    - What you're doing feels like shit. So change. You can, you just need to search search search for the way to change. Eventually you will. Be patient, persevere and never ever lose hope.

    Good luck on your journey sweetie
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  13. Kristen

    Kristen Guest


    Idk what the problem is. I just know i feel rally suicidal about pmo.
     
  14. I know the feeling, so *hugs*.
     
  15. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
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    Lava, I'm very interfaith/spiritual in my approach and not exclusive in believing in one divine revelation only, but what you said rings very true to me in a universal sense, and I love you -- your spiritual essence, that is -- for having said it so sincerely and eloquently! Bravo!
     
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  16. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
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    As a fellow truly spiritual person with a long-time PMO/casual sex problem, I greatly sympathize with the familiar dilemma of feeling helpless to improve one’s behavior on the one and craving forgiveness on the other hand. PMO is "a bitch."

    However, I think that the value of a spiritual is measured in the EFFORT put forth – NOT in the external “achievements” claimed, which is why spirituality is such a deeply personal matter. What is expected of us is do as best we can -- which differs for each of us, depending on our inner & outer resources. In other words, your struggle to overcome past and present sins determines your spiritual worth and it seems to me that you have struggled plenty, even without knowing how to “succeed” in you own eyes. I find that admirable.

    I have always trusted that we are not tested beyond our capacity to overcome. Of course, what you and I have done is to wallow in the “Forbidden Fruit,” with obvious consequences for our spiritual well-being. However, the purpose of life is to rise to His standards and we can – with His help anything being possible. And so while there is life we can live up to our spiritual essence and advance towards Him. We know you want to.

    So what can you do? You say that the “forgiveness first and redemption later” approach does not feel right. I understand that and the feeling of unworthiness. May I therefore suggest – and have followed this advice myself – that you turn the equation around? Rather than “saying sorry” – which achieves neither healing nor comfort if you use it for self-loathing –work on overcoming your addiction first and foremost. THAT is where your house is burning, after all. God will assist you. Afterwards, after you have done some of the work, I would turn to questions of forgiveness, purpose, service, detachment, progress, self-sacrifice and all the spiritual virtues of heaven. For now, you can pray for praise of God, assistance, world peace or whatever else, but not forgiveness, yet. Concentrate on doing the corrective work rather than half-heartedly saying “sorry” to a God who already understands perfectly well what’s in your heart. My guess is that you’ll find far greater meaning and redemption in any prayers for forgiveness once you get out of the addiction and can better see the road ahead.

    Meanwhile, I’ll pray for you, tonight – I promise!
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  17. We are imperfect people. That is okay. Aim for spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.
     
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  18. Kristen

    Kristen Guest

    Its hard bwcause i feel like every mistake makes god then away from me.
     
  19. Kristen

    Kristen Guest

    Turn away*
     
  20. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Do you know what I mean by this?
     

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