Watching vanilla stuff to cancel out the fetish stuff I watched

B

BrSweat

Fapstronaut
I watched a bunch of fetish videos for 3 days straight now I'm watching vanilla stuff periodically to cancel it out. I was watching humiliation videos, rn I'm trying to watch stuff that I was when I was a teen, wanting to dominate a woman and stuff.
 
Wanting to dominate a woman isn't vanilla, imo. It's still in the fantasy region of porn. I get it, it kinda is, kinda isn't vanilla. But true vanilla is wanting an equal relationship with a girlfriend/wife. Wanting to dominate a woman can still include acts of violence. Some people include physical stuff like that in their relationship, others don't... but I would say that completely vanilla porn wouldn't have hair pulling, slapping, etc. Opinions may differ...
 
SilentWolfSong said:
Wanting to dominate a woman isn't vanilla, imo. It's still in the fantasy region of porn. I get it, it kinda is, kinda isn't vanilla. But true vanilla is wanting an equal relationship with a girlfriend/wife. Wanting to dominate a woman can still include acts of violence. Some people include physical stuff like that in their relationship, others don't... but I would say that completely vanilla porn wouldn't have hair pulling, slapping, etc. Opinions may differ...
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Yeah you're right, just regular and good sex.
 
BrSweat said:
I watched a bunch of fetish videos for 3 days straight now I'm watching vanilla stuff periodically to cancel it out.
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This doesn't make any sense man; it's like that one episode from 1000-lb Sisters reality show on TLC network, where one of the sisters say that you drinking a diet soda cancels out the sugar you ate—that's not how it works! And it's not how it works with porn either! If you want to get rid of those fetishes then the way you do it is by quitting porn altogether, not by watching more of it. If you quit you let the brain heal and porn induced fetishes fade away, but if you keep watching it you keep scratching the wound, and it never heals.
 
Having also devoted my life to PMO-ing over fetish material, in all honesty I don't really know what "vanilla" porn even looks like (which is why I used the speech marks). Would you say you do? I'm not saying you don't, just offering a question to reflect on.

I don't even know if a true "vanilla" even exists. Everybody has their own preferences with respect to what they are into. Some of that crosses the blurred line as to what constitutes a fetish, others don't. What is "normal" really?

Also, and I'm asking this to understand your situation better, would you say you have an addiction?

If you do, I would point out that a fetish and an addiction to PMO with fetish material are separate (albeit related) problems*. An addiction to vanilla porn is still an addiction that needs to be dealt with. If I wasn't addicted to bondage material I'd probably be addicted to vanilla porn or perhaps some form of substance abuse. Addictions reflect some deep-rooted need we fail to address but manifest in some form of compulsive behaviour or another.

* I don't actually think that a fetish is *necessarily* a problem, but that's a case-by-case basis and tricky to elaborate on, so I'll leave it there.
 
You are still indulging in the same addictive behavior with a different porn format and you could still be in danger of escalating from that to what you were looking at before. I've had major trouble trying to abstain and I'm regularly looking at what you've switched over to. Without eventually or even now (if you can) stopping, this cycle will go on and on for you and me. It's still an addiction.
 
Auggie said:
When you watch pornography you’re engaging in voyeurism, and there is nothing “vanilla” about voyeurism.
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I understand this and I know I shouldnt further the addiction but I want to clear my conscience by watching relatively vanilla videos or videos that make me feel better that aren't fetish.
 
BrSweat said:
I understand this and I know I shouldnt further the addiction but I want to clear my conscience by watching relatively vanilla videos or videos that make me feel better that aren't fetish.
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I’ve been down the fetish road the only way to clear the conscience is to watch zero porn.
 
Ūruz said:
This doesn't make any sense man; it's like that one episode from 1000-lb Sisters reality show on TLC network, where one of the sisters say that you drinking a diet soda cancels out the sugar you ate—that's not how it works! And it's not how it works with porn either! If you want to get rid of those fetishes then the way you do it is by quitting porn altogether, not by watching more of it. If you quit you let the brain heal and porn induced fetishes fade away, but if you keep watching it you keep scratching the wound, and it never heals.
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I think what my man’s getting at is he wants to be more inline with his original natural sexual preference. He started off like I did healthy sex drive attracted to pretty women and then needed to up the buzz and got lost in the world of femdom etc. Both have completely different outcomes. I’m not saying to indulging in p, but if you’re at the stage where you’re going to do it and you’ve woke the snake up. It’s better to do it to something that isn’t so shame inducing and trashing of one’s self, Trashing another isn’t great either and down that rabbit hole could lead to sick stuff too. but most women do want dominating in bed And being submissive really erodes a straight man’s confidence. Well had with me, it becomes like self harm.
 
There’s a great guy I came across called Soren Micheal on YouTube who I came across last night. Also Dm t works great in emergencies for shutting off fetishes (apparently)
 
Wave tamer said:
I think what my man’s getting at is he wants to be more inline with his original natural sexual preference. He started off like I did healthy sex drive attracted to pretty women and then needed to up the buzz and got lost in the world of femdom etc. Both have completely different outcomes. I’m not saying to indulging in p, but if you’re at the stage where you’re going to do it and you’ve woke the snake up. It’s better to do it to something that isn’t so shame inducing and trashing of one’s self, Trashing another isn’t great either and down that rabbit hole could lead to sick stuff too. but most women do want dominating in bed And being submissive really erodes a straight man’s confidence. Well had with me, it becomes like self harm.
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Yes, thank you brother. That's what I was trying to say, have my original preferences back, like what I used to like. And I definitely don't mean trashing a woman kind of sex, just having natural desires like I did during teen years, being "dominant" or not being degraded is one of them.
 
BrSweat said:
have my original preferences back, like what I used to like
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I don’t think porn can give that to you. I think you need time away from that entire medium and real relationships learning in a real, loving , consensual relationship what you and your partner want. At best porn is an attempted short cut that will probably circle you back around to where you are.
 
I'm trying to respond but getting worked up and irrational about it, and super not helpful.
Wave tamer said:
if you’re at the stage where you’re going to do it and you’ve woke the snake up. It’s better to do it to something that isn’t so shame inducing and trashing of one’s self
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That isn't true. You don't have to do it. As far as I can tell, you're talking about the merits of stabbing yourself in the eyeball or the pancreas, either way that shit will kill you.
Wave tamer said:
being submissive really erodes a straight man’s confidence. Well had with me, it becomes like self harm.
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It's all self harm. All of it.

I'm not coming after you, @BrSweat , I don't want to tear you down or anything, but there have been several good comments in response. There is nothing "vanilla" about porn. It's all an abuse, it hijacks your brain, it distorts what sex is even for. No porn is natural. The first porn you were attracted to, it wasn't natural. Women don't look like that, they don't sound like that, they aren't impressed by the things actresses seem to be impressed by, it's all fantasy and it's all fake, every single bit of it.
 
Ok I’m not here to argue, rather learn and take bits that help my recovery and others. But sex/porn addiction can be really complex and one method doesn’t always work. Take the 12 step model: Step one “Admit you are powerless” Something about the bubble once you’re in the bubble (ie searching to act out etc you are out of control till the bubble pops/you orgasm) Seems like a self for filling prophecy. There are other addictionmodels that talk about a cycle:dormant-triggered-preparation-acting out-regret- New efforts to recover and round again. I’m sorry but we do need to ejaculate now and again it’s just how nature made us. And noneaddicts have said it’s like food we need to eat just not the whole f..img cake shop. Otherwise you wouldnt have wet dreams. What if you have mental health conditions such as bipolar, BPD or ADHD? Hypersexuality often comes with these disorders and just trying will Power to stop one of the symptoms of say a manic episode isn’t necessarily going to make your mental health any better. Working on the mental health driving force is probably going to be more beneficial. So with my personal experiences theFemdom etc attaches onto my sense of despair, inner self critic, penisanxiety and trauma. It’s a weird way of escaping the crap in my head but at the same time affirming core beliefs and getting a high from it. Only to end up lower and feeling in need of more punishment. Maybe a care caregiver wasn’t there as a child or you were told off by a loved one when you needed soothing, so it’s become apattern. The point is those thoughts in my head and how I speak to myself I control deep down. Saying positive affirmations to myself regularly gives me some resistance and createssomeone encouraging and supportive in my mind (internal approval and working on becoming the man I deserve to be. looking in your eyes in the mirror really helps drill these in) Sexuality is healthy but this femdom /fetish stuff is more about trashing myself when I’m feeling fed up. Say I got triggered usually when I’vemessed something up and am angry at myself. I search for degrading material but it doesn’t line up withhow I feel I should be treating myself right! and I think turn this rubbish off. But I’m super distracted and do feelthe need to ejaculate so I watch YouTube soft p of a geeky girlfriend experience and think that’s what I deserve to have wild healthy sex with someone like her where we’re both getting off. That is a lot different from captions calling me wh ore sniffpoppers looser bs?! I wouldn’t reallyclass that as a fail more like a victory. Did I encourage myself or trashmyself?
 
Wave tamer said:
I think what my man’s getting at is he wants to be more inline with his original natural sexual preference. He started off like I did healthy sex drive attracted to pretty women and then needed to up the buzz and got lost in the world of femdom etc.
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I understand that he wants to get rid of these porn induced fetishes and be able to enjoy normal stuff again, I just don't think he can get there by consuming the same toxic thing that got him in this situation in the first place. Instead the way you get there is by avoiding all porn altogether, then the brain will naturally reset back to normal eventually.
Wave tamer said:
Both have completely different outcomes.
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I disagree, vanilla porn is just as damaging for the brain as fetish porn! And vanilla porn will always escalate into fetish porn—the idea that a porn addict could quit fetish porn and only watch vanilla stuff is a delusion conjured by the addicted brain in attempt to backwards rationalize one's self into further use. And even in a non–existent theoretical world where that's the case, even vanilla porn will cause damage: PIED, PIPE, make you submissive, etc. I talk from experience, I've watched porn for many years but I never really got into fetish stuff, but that shit still fucked me up the same way as I see others here report fetish porn fucked them—it's all toxic!
Wave tamer said:
it becomes like self harm.
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It's all self harm...
 
I’m certainly not saying consume loads of vanilla porn. Finding a decent partner and having a healthy sex life would be what I’m working towards. But having the strength and respect for myself whilst in the grips of the irrational addicted mind. Shows self awareness, respect for myself and control. And this is what we’ve got to develop. We are in control of our brains and dicks. But get lost in the realm of thought and emotions and get triggered. But it’s still a quite confusing controversial subject the 90 day abstinence for me. So if we abstain from porn for however many days are you saying that we will no longer be attracted to models on screen being sexual. What will our brain rewire to? If we don’t cum for 30+days we will certainly be very sensitive down there and then develop premature ejaculation which isn’t that great either. The fact that I need strong stimulus to get aroused isn’t great though either. Being in a relationship I’d be happy to cut out masterbation completely there wouldn’t be any need if I was getting sex even once per week would be fine. But whilst I’m working on myself and improving to become someone that would attract a high quality partner I feel i need rules. And personally complete abstinence doesn’t work for long periods of time and can make me very erratic and worked up. Then the relapses are very hard and destructive. But just MO ing to fantasy seems so tame that I don’t achieve a decent orgasm so I’m in a bit of a predicament.
 
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