Ways to keep cool under social pressure

I have social anxiety issues. There are areas in my life where I can cope with challenges, remain calm - even under pressure, and am generally composed.

There are other areas in my life where things turn out quite differently. For me that is primarily interaction with women - the more attractive the worse.

I react hastily, I lack creativity in my responses, I have the tendency to escape any mildly uncomfortable situations, I tend to be touchy and sometimes I build up aggression until I can't stand the other person anymore.

Usually, I rationalize when a conversation goes bad and find reasons - like: she wasn't in a good mood. The situation was uncomfortable for both of us. She acted strange, and so on. It takes me a while until I realize that there was no other problem than what was going on in my head.

I remember a situation that din't have anything to do with girls but was job-related and also quite stressful for me. There I took three deep breathes. It's a crude method that works the intended way but it might bring me down from "completely upset" to "able to communicate" ... what I would need is actual being comfortable.

I know, of course, that things improve with practice and over time. However, during the last years I made little progress.

Anyone here, who can relate? Feel free to share your stories. And you advice is most welcome, too!