Ways to stop

I

iNeedToStop23

New Fapstronaut
Hi everyone,
I am a new Fapstronaut. I a freshman now, but I think I am addicted to masturbation. I really want to stop, because I know masturbating is affecting my concentration and my life. I am a straight A's student, but my addiction makes it very difficult for me to concentrate and get things done. I am ashamed of myself for doing it. Also, I am catholic, and I feel deep remorse every time I fail to abstain myself. I hate myself for masturbating. I just wanted to tell you my story, and if anyone has some strategies that might help me, please comment!

Thanks!
 
iNeedToStop23 said:
Hi everyone,
I am a new Fapstronaut. I a freshman now, but I think I am addicted to masturbation. I really want to stop, because I know masturbating is affecting my concentration and my life. I am a straight A's student, but my addiction makes it very difficult for me to concentrate and get things done. I am ashamed of myself for doing it. Also, I am catholic, and I feel deep remorse every time I fail to abstain myself. I hate myself for masturbating. I just wanted to tell you my story, and if anyone has some strategies that might help me, please comment!

Thanks!
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You are to be commended for reaching out and wanting to work on breaking away from chronic masturbation (don't know if it is porn too, it wasn't mentioned) especially at your age. Going PMO free for a period of time (and ultimately for good) will help clear your head and your thinking in order to move forward and break free from this. To ultimately conquer this you need to dig deep and address the reason for turning to chronic masturbation. Is is loneliness, not feeling loved, depression, anxiety, family history stuff, etc.? I get the Catholic stuff and I am also, so know well the guilt, shame, remorse, etc. Remember that God loves YOU, with all your imperfections, and wants you to have a relationship with him. Here is a resource that I found helpful helping me get into recovery. This site (recoveredman.com) has a lot of good podcasts that can help too. He markets his coaching and support group stuff but ignore that (unless you're interested in that kind of support) and glean the good stuff he's sharing. He was a compulsive PMO-er so he's been on the road we have been on.
https://recoveredman.com/2landing/porn-free-this-year-video/
 
Thank you Robindale for your support. Indeed, I have found out that the fear of not being enough, anxiety, and even sometimes loneliness and the loss of hope can trigger me to masturbate. I have abstained from watching porn for three months, and now I want to stop masturbating completely. I believe that the podcasts will help. Thanks for the support!
 
Hello everyone!

It has been quite difficult for me to quit. My streak says 2 days, yet I have lasted for a day while returning back to masturbation. GODDAMN IT HOW I HATE MYSELF FOR FUCKING MASTURBATING! I really need to stop. I didn't turn in an assignment, and failed both. I have an overall year average of 92/100, and I don't wanna fucking ruin it! I think the excess dopamine is making me procrastinate. HOLY FUCK HOW DO I STOOOOOOP! Sorry for this, I just needed to write that down. I fear of telling anyone my problem, because my mother will hate me if she finds out I masturbate. Also, I am too ashamed of myself to tell anyone, so this is the only place I can say my feelings.Goddamnit how I hate myself. Pls don't report.
 
I know the feeling but you don't need to hate yourself. You are a good person with lots of potential that you will achieve! Masturbation isn't in itself a bad thing especially at your age when you're just learning your sexuality, it's just what you're focused on during it and if it is excessive is where the trouble lies. So you didn't achieve your goal and masturbated. So what - it's now the past - don't dwell on it. Start fresh again and learn from what may have caused you to go there. And come up with a plan for what you will do when you feel the urge next time. Try journaling to get those feelings out, make a gratitude list for all the things in your life you are thankful for, ask your Higher Power for help and turn it over to Him via prayer or meditation or whatever you are comfortable with, exercise, work on something creative, read a good book, etc. If you don't have a plan, then you are planning to relapse. And if this is the only place you can have human contact and support for what you're going through, then by all means come on here and write your feelings and ask for whatever support you need. Everyone on here is rooting for you and wants you to succeed, and has confidence that you can do it. If you can find a trusted adult to confide in, certainly do that.
 
Hi @iNeedToStop23 I'd recommend (like Robindale) the recoveredman.com podcasts (aka 'Porn Free Radio'), Matt Dobschuetz is the real-deal, for both Christian and non-Christian alike. Two things you do not mention, is what other things you will do instead of PMO (aka porn, masturbation and orgasm); also, you do not mention how you feel in the 5 seconds before you choose to PMO.

Taking that last one first: are you bored? Lonely? Frustrated? Disappointed? Feel bad due to ____ ? Celebrating and want to feel even better? Slipping back to PMO is not all-or-none failure, it is DATA. That is, information you can learn from. Time of day? Something you saw triggered a certain feeling? You can then work forward from there. Take a look at this video from 2016 from recoveredman.com. He breaks down a year into a single month, and provides a handy worksheet PDF to get you started. (Note - listen to the video or Episode 30 first!)

Then: What else will you choose to do in those five seconds you have a choice to make? Best if it involves others. Call a friend? Visit the student union and get a soft drink? Leave your room and go to a common area to read a book?

Lastly I'd recommend you do more reading up. In addition to Porn Free Radio podcasts, take a look at Your Brain On Porn, lots of great reading there. If you visit only one page, take a look at these 2,000 accounts of people rebooting their mind. And another 2,000. And another 2,000. And remember there's something behind the addiction - believe me when I say that I wish I had gotten control over my own PMO addiction when I was in college, it would have saved me tons and tons of grief, guilt and shame over the ensuing decades.

I heard recently an interview of Gary Perra on Matt's podcast, where he said if he had anything to tell his younger self, it would be that SEX IS POWERFUL. You don't take that power and throw it away, you put it to work in your favor. For those in a PMO addiction cycle (I myself am only two weeks into this and am learning a LOT), a new world is opening up where sex is healthy and put to great uses, rather than isolation, momentary pleasure, and guilt.
 
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