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We men have no worth!

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Tom Hillson, Feb 3, 2017.

  1. RebeccaNola

    RebeccaNola Fapstronaut

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    I think that's why meeting someone through a shared activity is much easier than approaching a stranger at a bar. You have to stop thinking of it as a competition. I am 35 and have had maybe 20 boyfriends in my life, starting at age 13. These were all relationships longer than 2 months, and 7 of them were longer than 2 years. And not a single one of those relationships was started at a bar, or by a stranger approaching me on the street or some other place. Not a single one of those relationships involved any "competition" with other men. They all started with men (or boys) I knew at school, work, or through mutual friends. We got to know each other gradually over time, until we both knew we had a crush on each other and eventually ended up kissing. Two of them started at parties, but both times we were just talking casually as friends and then arranged to meet up another time, neither of them involved the guy "hitting on" me or "asking me out." There was no high pressure or high anxiety pickup line or anything like that.

    Why do you think competition among males is higher than it is among females? I've had many times when another woman tried to steal my boyfriend. One of those times my BF ended up cheating on me with the other woman, but decided to come back to me and stop cheating. But it was still really painful. Another time in high school, some random girl tried to ask my boyfriend to a dance before I had a chance to ask him. I've also had several boyfriends cheat on me, twice it was with their ex who wanted them back. My current boyfriend is attractive and outgoing and whenever his band plays at a bar, women hit on him, even when I'm there and they know I'm his girlfriend. So women have to deal with competition too!

    But anyway, you're doing it wrong if you're trying to approach a girl when there are four other guys there trying to get her attention. That is super high stress and it really isn't necessary. The easiest way to meet a boyfriend or girlfriend is to stop trying. Concentrate on living your life and making yourself a better person, pick up hobbies, volunteer, join a group around a shared interest, make friends. That Cracked article I couldn't link to is really on point about this. When you are doing everything in your power to make yourself an awesome and productive person, women will be fighting over YOU. A guy who has his shit together is super attractive, and a guy who isn't looking for a girlfriend is even more attractive. Women like the mysterious guy who doesn't seem interested. Annoying but true.

    Yes, that probably is why we like a guy who can make us laugh. But there's a difference between a "funny guy" and just a guy who makes us laugh sometimes. I wouldn't want to date the class clown, the guy who never stops saying funny stuff. I have actually been with one guy who was like that and it got really annoying. I like a guy who, when I'm crying and upset, he doesn't get uncomfortable and look at his shoes, he holds me in his arms and tells me it's going to be okay, and then says something funny to cheer me up. My current BF is really good at that. Or just on an average stressful day, someone who can lighten the mood with a funny comment. Everyone has a different sense of humor, a guy who is really funny to one woman probably isn't funny to the next one. But if you find someone whose sense of humor matches yours, you're probably going to be compatible in other ways, too. My sense of humor is really weird so when I meet someone who laughs at stuff I say, it's a good sign.
     
  2. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for replying! I agree with you in a lot of points from your post, we try to not generalize genres as truth is really relative when talking about relationships, specially regarding people that had more or less Bfs / Gfs and attribute their own experiences as facts.

    When I said "trying to hit over a guy" I was refering in a way that you already know him in a constant basis, you find him really cool, and you want to progress or invest in him at a new level. (But this guy happens to have a lot of female friends as well) Sometimes, those friends of him can get at really deep sociopath levels only to make his mind ignore you, fight for some kind of attention. As good as the self value can be, we all end up making moves in a relationship to deeper the connection, consciously or unconsciously. You invest in someone and exchange information so you can get to know the other person better, and when that happens, you're not more the "mysterious guy who doesn't seem interested" as you've mentioned.

    We all have a background and that's a burden that not everyone can keep to it's standards, therefore, when I mentioned serious woman to be more attractive in my point of view, life can prove me wrong in the future, since we really dont know exactly what we want for us, and we realize that our preferences can change and even be realocated to ones with way less superficial qualities.
     

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