Webcam addiction

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Timeforachange90, Mar 7, 2019.

  1. Timeforachange90

    Timeforachange90 Fapstronaut

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    I've been here before. And stayed away for a long time. I crumbled 6 months ago and started using cams again. Every time I was alone and on the computer, I was on it. My wife thinks I am working as I work for myself and it fits in. She's away meanwhile I am on chatting and meeting models online, and getting more and more into it. I got to the point where I nearly believed I was having a real relationship with one of the models. I was almost prepared to fly to her and leave my family. Deluded.
    Thankfully she was straight with me and I wasn't so far gone from reality that I followed through. But I recognized I was getting carried away and now I am back. 1st day clean. I've wiped my cam accounts and I am on here instead of being on there. I'd be grateful if anyone else had a cam addiction could give me some advice on how to stay away from them. It's so easy to fall back after having fallen before and really want to keep away from them as life is too short to waste on them. And I want to keep my family together. My wife doesn't know about what I have been doing and I don't want her to know. I'm grateful for any support anyone can lend me.
     
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  2. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    I never used any cams, but I was VERY heavily addicted to porn, and I would venture to say that its probably just as easy to get sucked back into any form of porn or sexual behavior as it is to go back to using cams. I can tell you that I never intended for my wife to find anything out about my addiction, but she did. She confronted me with proof so I couldn't deny it or make excuses. Soon after that, I finally accepted and acknowledged the fact that I don't just engage in a bad habit, but that I have an actual addiction, and on that day, I told my wife everything I'd done because of my addiction. (That's what is referred to as the disclosure date.) Today, we're both working on our recovery and we're moving forward. She's forgiven me and we're happy and still happily married. But if she didn't know anything about my addiction, that would just be more of a temptation to go back to porn, and we all know there are enough temptations as it is. We don't need any more! I'd say your best bet is to have a disclosure date with your wife. Many do it with a CSAT (certified sexual addiction therapist) to kind of mediate, but that's obviously not a must. I know its scary to think of your wife finding out about all this, but I can tell you with a trillion percent certainty that it will ALWAYS be FAR better to tell your wife about it than to have her find out on her own.


    The following list are tools and resources to help fight this addiction:


    - Go to weekly SA meetings and find a sponsor there. To find one near you, go to https://www.sa.org/meetings/

    - Do an internet search for CSAT office in your area (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist)

    - Find an accountability partner if you don't already have one. Many are available here on NoFap.

    - Look for help online; There are sexual addiction recovery books, workbooks, self-help books, Youtube videos and MANY other things to help.

    - Start a journal about your recovery. On NoFap, somewhere else online, in a word document offline, or even with pen and paper.

    - Obtain a copy of the book used by the members of SA meetings, which is commonly referred to as “the white book” which can be purchased here: https://www.sa.org/store/product_info.php?products_id=32

    - Put safeguards in place to help you stay sober. Think of your weaknesses and eliminate them.

    - Do you take your phone (or any other device) into the bathroom with you and relapse because of it? Then make a rule to never take any electronic device into the bathroom with you, ever. NO EXCEPTIONS.

    - Do you read erotic literature and relapse because of it? Make a rule to never read anything that could ever be found in that section of any bookstore ever.

    - If you struggle with looking at internet porn or any other addictive material on the internet, get an internet filter to block that category type of website as well as any specific site you know you’re vulnerable to and give someone else the password to it. (Spouse, partner, AP, sponsor, etc.) Obviously, you should not have the password.


    And for new users, check out: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/



    I wish you the very best of luck, my friend!
     
  3. Timeforachange90

    Timeforachange90 Fapstronaut

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    I sincerely appreciate the feedback and the advice. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Not sure I want to disclose to my wife though yet. I started seeing my therapist again (hadn’t seen her for a few months) and told her about the cam usage.
    I think it’s more about my own mental state than the cams themselves and I’m not missing them since I stopped. Feeling in a much better place since I posted and slowly pulling myself out of the hole.
    I’m sure it can help but not sure I’m ready for that yet. I’ll keep it in mind though and thanks
     
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  4. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    You're very welcome. I'm glad that things seem to have gotten a little better for you, but just know that with most addicts in relatively new recovery, things usually get a lot worse before they get better. At least I know that was the case with me.

    Again, best of luck!
     
  5. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man....I am glad you are slowly pulling yourself out of the hole...
    while you do that, also do a deep introspection on what your triggers and how you can avoid them.
    Also, if you are not social person, try to slowly be more social. I've never though i'd be PMO free 90 days let alone 120..being around people has helped me a lot.
     
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  6. Barry Rolfe

    Barry Rolfe Fapstronaut

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    Time for a change
    You have my sympathy. I too have been fighting the pull of cams for about 5-6 years. I have had some success and a good degree of failure. In reading your posts here I have to say that yeah...Your cam use is probably symptomatic of other areas of your life in which things are askew. Or put bluntly mental health issues are being overlooked. I went to a "porn addiction counselor" for awhile. Ultimately his help was of little utility and it wasn't until I addressed some of my overall lifestyle and mental health issues that I saw any real progress. I had about six months clean and started to stumble in December. Been trying to find my path out of this crap again...Not easy but if I did it before I can do it again. So can you. Feel free to reach out. There is mutual strength in addicts helping addicts.

    Take care out there man.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2019
  7. I had the camsites obsession, too. I would act like these girls were my best friends, and to an extent I think they were genuine people, but obviously they were also doing their job.

    The most sobering thing for me has been that I realised I could have cleared my entire student debt if I hadn't got hooked on camgirls. The whole lot. It'd be gone.

    I can't believe I was so stupid.
     
    GloryHound1 likes this.
  8. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant


    That's awful. I'm sorry you went through that. But at least you've acknowledged it and have learned from it!
     
  9. There was no one to blame but myself. I fooled myself into thinking that there was something wrong with me and that I could only form relationships through sites like these. The reality is that I was always a great guy, I just got so caught in my own negative narrative that I stopped seeing it.

    I'm not angry at the camsites for existing or at the camgirls for taking my money. I made a stupid, stupid mistake but I hope I've learned my lesson.
     
    Joe1023 and CH3RRY like this.

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