Webchat PMO addiction - solutions/HELP

Hi there.

Today my wife found out my terrible little secret. For around 10 years I have been going on and off - with breaks when i felt bad about going on Omegle/Chatroulette - to PMO. I feel ashamed to not be able to fix my personal problem, ashamed to my wife, for breaking her trust in me, for not being honest, for creating a wedge between us.

It started from just Omegle for PMO to more efficient transfer to skype. To me getting off was the goal - just having that short great feeling - always ending the conversation then. If i did not get my hit on Omegle i actively pursued a girl on skype. I need to figure out my deeper problems i guess..
- Mainly the actively trying to find a PMO makes it so bad.
- I will try to keep a log about when i feel the urge and why/when this happens and think i need to reflect on it.

My wife sees it as cheating - i understand her and i see she is hurt so much. I saw it equal to porn.
Which is maybe not good, but a common thinking pattern?

I contacted a professional for a intake session already and will close/delete any content I have.
I feel I need to open up more about my feelings about myself to my wife - who is very supportive but struggling - any suggestions on how this works (i read some people that did on this forum)

I want to continue writing but don't know how to continue. I hope that with talking about this I and my wife can find a solution and be closer than before.

 

Thanks a lot i used blocksite on both my phone and laptop now. I hope this helps.

More on me i guess:
- I used to plan my faps in the moments when noone was at home. If someone would drop by and ruined my plan i would get grumpy and mean to them. Especially horrible as these are the closest people to me.
- I tried stopping
- I started with porn, went to omegle/skype, used tinder to get girls on skype (which costed a lot of time and not real output). In time is started to collect screenshots of omegle & record short videos. I kept them but then deleted some, but never deleted all (these are the ones my wife found).
- The deletion almost always was after i had finished and felt bad.
- THen couple days nothing and then again.
- I never visited a lady or wanted to actually meet someone. (it feel it felt more real if there would be an actual person - but these people online are real people ofcourse)

 

I always thought I was the only one and that it would be so shameful to talk about this.... I am blocking any possibility of using it now, but how do you make sure not to go to it.

So far i find Paula Hall and her views very helpful. The mindmap & neural networks is very interesting and gives i guess a good insight in how to solve this...

 

Thanks for the tip!This might be useful if you have an account there.

Did you try the self help assessment of this lady Paula Hall. I am not in any case related to this, but the questions helped me so far.