Weird lifelong fetish. Please help.

It is hard to explain sometimes. Maybe it doesn't have a strong meaning. My impression is that it does not matter what your fetishes are. So if it is ballbusting or crushing or sissy or transgender or feet or what not.

But what has a meaning is that you have a behavioral addiction to watching porn. You must ask what emotions you want to burry. Unless those emotions have not been resolved those fetishes won't disappear.

Dealing with pre-porn fetishes AND porn addiction makes recovery way harder because we actually have two interconnected problems to deal with. Both of which negatively affect healthy sexuality.

You are not actually a fetishist. You are just addicted to your FANTASY. So you need to take control of your mind back.

This will take probably years to resolve and many, many people like us fail. But the key issue for me is ANXIETY. I always used porn / fetishes to deal with the ANXIETY that my social environment gave me.

Talking about resolving emotional issues. Think about your childhood and relationship to your parents.

Did you rule out health issues for ed? If yes, then you need to ACCEPT that you have ed from porn / fetishes for now and WON'T find a mate. It does not help you if you WORRY all the time and it destroys your SELF CONFIDENCE.

Just say to yourself : YES, I HAVE ED. IT DOES NOT MATTER. I BREATH. I WALK. I LAUGH. I LIVE. Sex is just a tiny part of life and you can be HAPPY without it.

Once you have acceptance you can overcome PMO / FMO. And the stories I read so far tell me that sexual function should return to normal if we are very consistent.