Weird relapse {Heavy Trigger Warning}

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Ruses, May 17, 2019.

  1. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Today i woke up without and urges to watch porn.I woke up but was still laying in bed (which was a mistake) i got on my tablet and wants d to check reddit, so there i was scrolling and scrolling and boom some Trans Sub reddit that i didn't unfollow after my last relapse. I saw a couple of the posts and decided fuck it, I'm going to have Fap. Luckily i was told that there was a package arriving today and held of The masturabtion until after the package arrived, and hoped that the urge would go away. Some time went by and couldn't handle it and just went on a trans porn spree, without masturabtion. Through my search i found a sub reddit for Sisses looking for chat. So then it happened when i escalated from watching trans porn to actually chatting to a trans, i later found out she wasn't trans she was a "femboy". But i wanted dopamine so didn't really care i was talking with her and she sent me some nudes and videos of her fapping. Me having been in this situation before had to control myself and not send nudes back. Which i didn't thank god, it would have caused me more stress. We talked for about 2 hours and i guess I'm her Daddy not and she's my femboy. Again i really don't fucking know. Once she had to go to sleep, my package finally arrived and was ready to go full out. While the 2 hours i was talking to her, i also had an urge to finger myself and have a orgasm through only massaging the prostate. And that what i did (i don't want get into the details). After i finished doing what i had to do, i deleted the app i was talking to her on and regretted talking to her because i wasted 2 hours of her day for false hopes. I took a shower and realized all my stages of escalation. And boy has it escalated. I went from Straight porn for 4-5 years, to shamble porn for 5 months to talking to femboys. It has really escalated and if i don't stop now I'm worried that this will escalated into something bigger and i will do something that is truly worth regretting. I don't want it to get to the point. Im a straight male but My addiction is making me desire things that i really don't want physically. I want them sexually but not physically if that makes any sense.
     
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  2. Tornado-_-

    Tornado-_- Fapstronaut

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    It escalated because of the excessive jarking off you have to stop this it will effect your maind and dominate your thinking about people.
     
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  3. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

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    Get a porn block on your phone, dummy head!
    I'm 14, and I know that.
    Uninstall Reddit!
    Come on, bro!

    KEEP ON GOING, YOU'LL MAKE IT.

    HERE IS THE THING... AS LONG AS YOU ARE ON NOFAP, YOU'LL CONTINUE TO GET BETTER!!! :D :D :D
    YOU'LL EVENTUALLY QUIT!
     
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  4. WhyNotStop

    WhyNotStop Fapstronaut

    Your addiction escalated to trans-porn due to the fact that all those years of straight porn got your mind used to the regular stuff and now it requires stronger content in order to deliver dopamine. I've experienced this before... After binging and watching porn for 3+ days in a row I end up in bad fetishes and have even gotten to the point of watching trans-porn. I have noticed though that going free from porn for more than a week normalizes the brains reward system and I have been able to get off to the "regular stuff" after a long time away from porn. I going to be frank with you... If you keep heading down this path a real girl will never be able to satisfy you. Porn will always provide more temporary pleasure than sex as you have limitless access to millions of girls at the palm of your hand, But the true pleasure is found in a legitimate relationship... porn will never give you the pleasure of real love.

    I've been where you're at right now. I was a 17 years old once (now I'm 19) and let me tell you that it's not worth it, I'm still struggling with girls despite fighting porn addiction for over 4 years now. Don't allow PMO to continue to ruin your life!
     
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  5. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Yeah i know, but its getting harder to quit
     
  6. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Ya and that crazy part is that i don't even want to have sex, but when ever I'm fapping to trans porn I'm always like "I'm going to fuck all these trannys one day" after i ejeaculate i take it all back and never want to see one ever. But then t he cycle continues and continues. My Biggest worry is that I'm going to escalate to something worse.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2019
  7. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Yeah bro I’ve tried I’ve deleted reddit and unfollowed all those sub Reddit’s and but porn blockers but when you are horny your mind is only focused on getting that dopamine rush and you brain would do anything for it, unfortunately when that happens I can’t come to control it.
     
  8. WhyNotStop

    WhyNotStop Fapstronaut

    Same here. I used to talk to older women...even paying at one point for them to send me pictures. Before relapse I would feel the urge to have sex with these older women. Right after relapse I would find these women disgusting and would stop talking to them. You have to be stronger than your addiction, you can't let it drive you down this path. Fight for your life!
     
  9. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    Ever thought about accountability software and building a team of APs? It's been a big help to me to do so.
     
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  10. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    I do have a friend who is also been doing nofap for a couple year we try to encourage each other
     
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  11. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    It makes no sense why at one moment you want something and a couple moments later you want to stay away from it. I don't like trans out side of just watching porn but while I'm at it they seem better then women, but after women seem to much better. Its super weird and I'm glad its not only me!
     
  12. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

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  13. MonkMode [1Cor7:31]

    MonkMode [1Cor7:31] Fapstronaut

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    for me the triggers add up...your brain remembers habits, complete with set and setting....so lounging in bed and getting on your tablet on a lazy morning.....that right there is where you screwed up.
    (I am not always disciplined about it), but I have a no computer time within the first 2 hours of waking up....and I no surfing the web in my bed/bedroom. I will browse reddit/youtube, but at the kitchen table on my laptop, where my roommates are moving around the house. So I won't stray into to dirty things in front of other people.

    if I am having really bad urges (especially when you hit the 30-40 day mark) I just avoid the computer all together, like shut it down and put it up in the top shelf of my closet. if I need to use the computer for internet banking, paying bills, or my online class, during an "urge-filled period" I will go to a coffee shop and use the free WiFi, which doesnt give your brain those little subconscious cues to intiate the fap-cycle.
     
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