Welcome to hell

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ZenAF, Mar 1, 2018.

  1. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

    500
    820
    93
    Dear NoFappers

    This post is my last resort to try to fight the cravings I'm experiencing at the moment. I'll just pour out my thoughts in hope to decrease the pressure. If you're susceptible to "triggers" maybe don't read this.

    I've been six days clean of porn and masturbation. Most days have been pretty easy, no real struggle to speak off. Today is different.
    Yesterday I had my first date in two month. I brought her home, we made out, she was on her period, so no sex, she goes home, I go to sleep, all is well. I wake up today with morning wood and pretty strong cravings. I didn't touch myself but it took me an hour to work through them and get up. The rest of the day was fine, until two hours ago.

    I'm getting mad cravings again. My mind keeps reminding me how good it would feel to masturbate after six days of break, the longest break in... a year? Two years?
    I started fantasizing about a succubus who's seducing me, breaking my will bit by bit, until I give in to her. I'd do anything for her, even kill, if she just promises me an eternity of pleasure. I want to get mindfucked.. I'm hard as can be and it started to become torture. As I'm teasing myself I realize I'm not gonna break my streak, I'm not gonna relapse, I'm not gonna touch myself. And so I'm in agony. Split in two. It's hell.
    I know it would be hell as well if I would give in. But at least a pleasurable hell..

    I lied on my bed for an hour mentally trying to get as close to that realm of sin as possible. But I didn't undress or touch myself.
    Finally I got up and started to work out for almost an hour. During the workout I was fine but as soon as I'm done it hit me again. "Fuck iiit, let's relapse one more time, the streak isn't long yet, it will feel amazing!" I want to.. so bad.

    This is hell. I don't know how many more of those waves I can resist before the day is over.

    Writing this makes me feel better. Thank god for this forum.
     
  2. Marcus444

    Marcus444 Fapstronaut

    6
    9
    3
    I've been attempting NoFap since 2013. Longest steak is 14 days. I'll never give up trying.
     
  3. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

    500
    820
    93
    Just two days away from breaking your record then! Let's do this shit.
     
    VeganRights and Marcus444 like this.
  4. Know this: For the most part, these waves will become smaller and easier to ride out. You're in the worst of it right now. It won't happen overnight, but will get better the longer you work at it. Good luck, sir!
     
    VeganRights and ZenAF like this.
  5. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

    500
    820
    93
    Surprisingly, meeting my new girl triggers the hardest cravings for PMO the next day than any other trigger. Last night I met her the second time, we had sex, it was real good but I didn't come. This morning I almost relapsed. Lying in bed I think of her first and then in my aroused state my thoughts wander to more "generalized ass and tits", which is basically porn. Again I imagined how amazing it would feel to relapse. I questioned if NoFap was worth it.

    Quick sidenode: My tracker here is for Porn only. Due to health issues I also didn't masturbate for a week when I started here. I jerked off last Friday without porn ofc. However I want to try a month without masturbation. Then maybe three month. Porn I quit for good.

    My brain is so needy that as a "substitute" for PMO I even just crave having a hard dick, because at least it reminds me of PMO... I looked up some yoga ass on twitter, because that's the only thing that my software doesn't block (yet). I checked them out for a minute and almost touched myself. Some people will consider this a relapse. I don't. I'm at the very beginning of my recovery and for now it's good enough for me when I don't jerk off to any material.
    I reminded myself of how bad I would feel after an amazing orgasm. That the shitty feelings would last all week and the orgasm only half a minute. I remembered how weak and pathetic I felt the last time I relapsed. How would I feel this time after I even joined this forum and got more serious about quitting than ever before? Probably bad enough to make me feel depressed. Those thoughts finally put an end to my morning hornyness.

    I'm continually going to use this thread to blow off steam. Just really helps to write things down.
     
  6. Out of the Furnace

    Out of the Furnace Fapstronaut

    56
    139
    33
    i know exactly what you are talking about. when i go out do my sport (its called bouldering, like climbing) i see a lot of beautiful girls. guess what i´m doing? staring at their asses and boobs. i think its the fucked up mindset we got from porn, objectifying women. we gotta work through this, it will probably take a few weeks or months to be able to change this. our brain needs to rewire itself first so we can talk to woman/look at woman normally without thinking about how she looks naked or which kind of position she might possibly like in bed..

    also, masturbating will hinder your progress on rebooting so you should really try and avoid it completely. a full reboot is considered the most helpful around here.
     
  7. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

    1,559
    41,440
    143
    My Experience:
    In the last 5 days of successful no P&M I noticed that I don't crave P, but I do crave for M quite a lot whenever I see beautiful and voluptuous ladies! It's an almost uncontrollable desire! I get attracted towards slightly older women (5-10 years than me).
     
  8. Out of the Furnace

    Out of the Furnace Fapstronaut

    56
    139
    33
    yeah i get it. you are replacing the porn with normal people you see, out on the street. this will get better in time i´m sure. what was your longest streak?
     
  9. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

    1,559
    41,440
    143
    I have always been under 7 days or so. For the past 3 years I have never made it past 3 days. Before joining NOFap on 1st March that is. I am clean since the 1st March. Now doing a hard mode streak from today onward. I am confident of 10-15 days for sure. But beyond that only the future can tell.
     
  10. Mybrownblanket

    Mybrownblanket Fapstronaut

    71
    57
    18
    Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this too.
     
  11. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

    500
    820
    93
    Oh man, them boulder chicks! I go bouldering too and the perspective you sometimes get on the ladies when they're high up there is just too much. x) And they're all in leggings nowadays.. I'm giving my best since the last couple weeks to really ignore them as much as possible. I feel that objectification mechanism too and I want to get rid of it badly as I'm sure it hinders one to have a truly meaningful relationship.
    But especially while having sex, I found it takes quite a lot of focus to really concentrate on her as a person rather than getting turned on by mentally isolating her body. Long road ahead I guess..

    Yes, I see that point with masturbation. That's why I only masturbated last Friday and the next time will be in April. I'd rather stick to goals that I'm likely to achieve than going full on cold turkey from the beginning. That will give me the confidence to do three month break after that.

    The hardest thing to get rid of is not masturbation or porn tho, it's really to not let the mind get into that naughty zone every morning/night. Got way way waay too used to that.
     
  12. don't do that
     
  13. Out of the Furnace

    Out of the Furnace Fapstronaut

    56
    139
    33
    because beating the addiction can help you get better physically and psychically. i´m on a flatline since day 1 of rebooting. that pretty much means i didn´t get a lot of the so called "superpowers". i ask myself too, why am i doing this. but i know that it´ll get better in time. keep going.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2018
  14. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

    500
    820
    93
    Damn Haplo but it feels so good and I did it all my life. Almost like porn. I gotta kick that habit too..??
    Of course you're right. I'll have to quit that.
     
  15. lantti

    lantti Fapstronaut

    Stopping fantasizing works wonders too. Just kill the thoughts with your willpower. It's hard at first but you'll get used to it. And it's much easier than fighting those urges growing from your thoughts.
     
    ZenAF likes this.
  16. Houston we have a problem

    Houston we have a problem Fapstronaut

    120
    212
    63
    So far I've made it to 9 days twice now without PMO, and have given in on the 9th day each time due to extreme feeling of depression and call to P. So I have only done PMO 2 times in the last 25 days. Which is a pretty good start.

    I am hoping to push pass 9 days this time around. I feel great right now, though that may change when day 9+ comes around (Hope not). I felt extremely worthless and disappointed in myself the second time I relapses at the 9 day mark, I think that feeling of disappointment has helped me grow past the addiction a bit because the last 7 days have been easy. I haven't craved P not a bit.
     
  17. Mybrownblanket

    Mybrownblanket Fapstronaut

    71
    57
    18
    my longest streak was 50 days, then I relapsed and ever since I have never made it through 30 days, despite the fact that the goal 90-day challenge.
     
  18. NMIE

    NMIE Fapstronaut

    133
    95
    28
    First of all... this is not suppose to be easy, not to be comfortable... this is supposed to be a torture. Yes it is. If u get through 5 days of easyshit and then u relapse on 6th day coz things got hard, u aint making any progress. U know why? Because it always get to a point where its hard - where its an agony. And if u teach your brain to relapse once it gets hard, u will never free yourself from this thing. Sometimes 5 days are easy, sometimes 14 days are easy, then maybe another 10 days... but at the end of a day its alwas freakin agony so if u set your mind to relapse bcos its hard, u waint gonna move anyway...
    In my opinion progress is maked by days of torture u get through, not by days when its easy "so far"....

    Second thing is that its pretty normal that your brain is rationalizing the situation... like... "i made nice streak, i can relapse now" or "just this one last time" or..."this is an unusual situation, only how i can get through this is to fap".... yes this is strong, very strong. But its normal, u should be aware of that this is normal progression of your thing. Everytime u get through u make a small progress....

    And ye... lying on a bed for an hour and fantasize wont make ur shit any better.... its wasting time. Of course, this is also a torture... its very hard to control yourself and stay away from dirty fantasies... but... what u think about today is what u do tomorrow...

    Remember: U aint gonna beat urges lying on bed and fantasizing...
     
  19. Out of the Furnace

    Out of the Furnace Fapstronaut

    56
    139
    33
    thats quite a good streak, don´t give up on it =)
     
    VeganRights and Mybrownblanket like this.
  20. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

    500
    820
    93
    Thanks for that man, you nailed it.
     
    VeganRights and M S Evolution like this.

Share This Page