I am seriously having a hard time getting up after my recent failure. I seem to have trouble resisting P-Subs such as online chats specifically and that in turn can turn into erotic literature. I'm rid of porn which is good but i don't know if i'll get through this. I want to cry a bit right now because i feel like it's all lost to this. As i am writing this i've relapsed again and this week it's been a lot of masturbations and i don't know if i'll get back up. I am ashamed and feel really low. Man i am out of options, i got these notes everywhere why P isn't good. I've written down what i shouldn't do and so on and how it personally affects me to gain more motivation but willpower and motivation doesn't seem to help my journey at this moment and i am just far behind in where i wanna be. It all just feels to far away right now and i fucking hate starting at Day 1 so maybe it's just easier to give in and let this be. Leave it all and stop giving a fuck. Well i did last time and got back here but this time if i go i don't know and i don't know how my life will move forward but damn this is just bullshit. All of it feels lost and i know what personal superpowers i gained at those days but now it's just too far away and i am too far behind. I wanted to at least hold myself till NEW YEARS EVE but now it's just a week left what's the point? Does it really matter? Hope is at zero now fellas hope you can help a brother out. It was good as long as it lasted fellas.