Well.. 34 days is good too.. Think it's the end for NOFAP for me...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Dec 23, 2016.

  1. I am seriously having a hard time getting up after my recent failure. I seem to have trouble resisting P-Subs such as online chats specifically and that in turn can turn into erotic literature. I'm rid of porn which is good but i don't know if i'll get through this. I want to cry a bit right now because i feel like it's all lost to this.

    As i am writing this i've relapsed again and this week it's been a lot of masturbations and i don't know if i'll get back up. I am ashamed and feel really low. Man i am out of options, i got these notes everywhere why P isn't good. I've written down what i shouldn't do and so on and how it personally affects me to gain more motivation but willpower and motivation doesn't seem to help my journey at this moment and i am just far behind in where i wanna be.

    It all just feels to far away right now and i fucking hate starting at Day 1 so maybe it's just easier to give in and let this be. Leave it all and stop giving a fuck. Well i did last time and got back here but this time if i go i don't know and i don't know how my life will move forward but damn this is just bullshit. All of it feels lost and i know what personal superpowers i gained at those days but now it's just too far away and i am too far behind.

    I wanted to at least hold myself till NEW YEARS EVE but now it's just a week left what's the point? Does it really matter? Hope is at zero now fellas hope you can help a brother out. It was good as long as it lasted fellas.
  2. Wish I could offer help, but what I've learned is the only one who can do it is you even with the best support, best friends, best therapy in the world.

    It comes down to whether you want to get clean and what your purpose is in life. When you give the desire control of your mind, it becomes your only purpose meaning you must not have a stronger purpose or you turn your back on that purpose and we all know how miserable that makes us in the end.

    Continue using and there's only 1 guarantee, not sure when it will come but come it must, a real rock bottom.
  3. Yeah, i guess your right... It's just not easy man, it's not easy... :´(
    billiammn likes this.
  4. My purpose is music, making music and then working out and meditating. But still that M'O and P-subs scratches my mind and it always find ways to sneak in. Once i succeeded to keep it out for that long but now it's just man... It's way harder to get up on a relapse... Wow almost impossible. Damn... It takes out your motivation and kills your will if you've managed to resist for a while. AGH Fuck... Well something worth having doesn't come easy
    billiammn likes this.
  5. Yeah, it's just a week left, sure, but who gives a fuck? Just do it.
  6. Monk mode

    Monk mode Fapstronaut

    I think you are taking relapse too hard.Take it easy bro.And instead of thinking why u don't wanna relapse just say to ur brain u are not going to do it whatever the reason positive or negative.Call it loud to yourself "no means no"
  7. Yeah i tend to take relapses pretty hard... i am gonna go easier on myself after all i am nothing but human...
  8. Joe peasci

    Joe peasci Fapstronaut

    If u value only a higher number of days u will fail everytime. Take a deep breath, separate urself from ur frustration and realize intuitively wat I'm about to say. Day 1: Is it just day 1 or testing out a long term approach? What do u do? Emphasize willpower? I don't know what willpower is cuz it's vague. Fight ur thoughts by swating them away like a fly? Do none of this.. Let's assume 5 urges will come on day 1 for p subs.. So when an urge comes, u have to ask yourself this very question, and not just ask it but understand it intuitively: "what impact will not engaging in this urge have on my ability to acknowledge the importance of resisting urges in the future?" U need to acknowledge the IMPACT of resistance.. The best way to acknowledge this is to realize that the urge is so tempting.. Become interested in resisting such an urge.. Any urge that came my way, I asked myself this question so that at some point I would not longer have to use my conscious mind to fight this addiction cuz my subconcious was well trained.. I had such a good defense mechanism that my mind was not against me.. Even for the most tempting urges,does we're the ones I was the least likely to relapse on because I was interested in the impact of resisting such an urge.. I was interested in absorbing the very loud silence where on the one hand my mind was yelling at me to relapse and on the other I was convinced I wasn't.. It wasn't a back and forth battle. So any time an urge will come I utilized this method and even on day 1 I valued that present moment resistance more than watching porn. I emphasize present moment because if u just hope that things will get better, then ur not realizing that by resisting that one urge things have gotten better..
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2016
    DayOne44 likes this.
  9. DayOne44

    DayOne44 Fapstronaut

    I am happy to see this discussion end on the positive note that you are continuing your struggle and journey.

    I admit that many times I have wanted to quit NoFap.

    Sexual desires are very strong, and it seems futile to not release them in some way.

    When PMO is one's only way of release, then giving up porn and masturbation seems impossible.

    You are, as you admit, "only human," and humans are basically animals which act on their reproductive drives.

    The fact seems to be basic biology.

    However, PMO is not natural sexual activity; it is an addiction which ruins our lives.

    Sexual release is also not a biological necessity for health or anything else in life.

    Here, we struggle not only to overcome our addiction, but to rise above our animal nature.

    We are becoming so much better than biological animals, so much better than people who indulge every biological drive, and so much better than what we were before NoFap.

    These are reasons to stay with this and continue trying.

    Repeatedly, I and many others have said that relapses are not failures. They are nothing but points in the long process of change.

    The mistake is to think that success must be instantaneous.

    A relapse is not a defeat. It is a learning experience.

    In a relapse, you see the forces which drove you to it, and your own weaknesses are exposed.

    You have already recounted those in your post.

    Now, you are better prepared to deal with all of those in the future.

    Starting again after a relapse is difficult.

    Day One on the counter and many of the days after that are small, discouraging numbers.

    I am on Day 8, a very small number, and I don't have the momentum I had when I was, a month ago, on Day 20.

    It would be so much easier for me to just ride the cycle of my PMO habit and not be counting anything.

    Yet, Day 30 will arrive again, and my hope is to meet Day 30 with success and improvement.

    Time will drag us forward, not matter what we are doing. Days will add up, whether we are doing PMO or not.

    I want those days to be the best.

    The aftereffects of relapse, much like urges, are only temporary.

    We must realize that and always be looking toward the time beyond them.

    Your 34 days are more than I've ever had. My longest streak was 33 days, and that ended Dec. 1.

    All I think about now is Jan. 20, when I will have 34 days.

    That date is not far away, and soon after it, you will have 34 again, and then some.

    New Year's is only a week away, and those are days in a week we will count toward 34.

    They may be smaller numbers, but all numbers add up.

    You are right in recognizing all the "superpowers" you've developed over your 34 days.

    All is not lost. What you've gained will carry you through the next long streak, and you will be able to build on those all the more.

    I have wanted to resign myself to PMO.

    The struggle seems to be too hard. Not only are the desires difficult to resist, but the struggle itself can be tormenting.

    A higher road must be taken.

    I work here daily to resisted the urges for PMO and to rise above my base biological drives.

    I also try to rise above the struggle itself.

    That requires me to put myself in the mindset that I have already made my firm decision not to look and porn and fap.

    There is no longer any need to struggle because I've already made my decision about what I will not do.

    Thinking that I have succeeded and am above all of this puts me on a solid place.

    This is simply a mindset. The truth is that I must struggle daily.

    Honestly, I wish I didn't need to spend so much time every day reading and writing on this site, when I should be doing other things.

    This necessary time commitment also gives me reason to quit.

    Hard work, however, is required if I am to truly rise above. I can't simply imagine it on my own.

    Indeed, we all have already risen above because we have made decisions to change, joined NoFap, and are on this site daily to remain above our addiction.
    Burner1 and Joe peasci like this.
  10. Awolnation28

    Awolnation28 Fapstronaut

    My opinon is be less harsh on yourself about relapsing. Relapsing is not the problem. BINGING is the real enemy here.
    ALLOW yourself to relapse. But also allow the pain and shame afterwards. Get out your journal and write down what went wrong.
    Treat relapses as lessons, not an opportunity to binge. ANd just forgive yourself immediately.
    CONGRATUALTE yourself when you make it as long as 34 days. Man thats amazing. And just forgive and move on.
    I swear binging is the real enemy.
    And to make you feel better man. I just relapsed after 84 days hardmode. And it Fing sucks. But im not giving up. And neither should you.
    Burner1 likes this.
  11. No no no no no! Only quit if it's making you miserable. You can't give up! I'm on a 33 day streak not using porn because I never gave up and I'm only 13 btw.
    Burner1 and JL94 like this.

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