Well...I’m back and have some questions

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by girlfriendofm, Nov 4, 2019.

  1. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    First off I appreciate all of you who have talked to me about this. Your helping me had a helped me understand. An update:

    we are still together. So far so good it’s only been 8 months he hasn’t seen any escorts etc.

    I finally got the truth..or I think..who knows

    I do have a question. Anyone who has seen escorts, have you ever encountered a time where you didn’t want sex but something else from them?
    He states he had sex with 3 of them and when I asked why those three and why he didn’t just say he wanted something else he said “you don’t get it. I had to”

    had to?

    also, he stated “I didn’t want that..that’s not what I wanted”
    That he saw them for strip teases and hand jobs after that and nothing else...that it was strictly that... never saw for more than 15 min he swears on that and the money I saw come out of his accounts when he went coincided with that...

    Has anyone ever just stopped doing that? Didn’t want sex but something specific? He gave me “3” as an answer but can’t tell me why he chose those “3” for sex. He said it wasn’t an attraction thing or anything like that...

    thank you all.
  2. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

    In general when I was looking for escorts I want something more then a quick time.
    But unfortunately most can’t get me what I wanted. All about the $. I was looking for
    a more gfe thing I guess. But the sex was always something I would want. I don’t recall not wanting it. Also some of the women would want to get started right away so your back on your way. So I really don’t know if this is helpful or not.
    Either way guys I’m about 2 weeks clean

    I’m not sure about why your bf said that. I know I would want to enjoy the escorts company and some small talk etc
    Get to know about them but not sure about your bf.

    Hopefully someone else may chime in something helpful.
    need4realchg likes this.
  3. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    @need4realchg GTFIH

    As for me, can't help you, I'm a virgin.
  4. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Hey again!

    hoping for the best for you.
    As for your question about having sex for non-sexual reasons.... yes. This is very common.

    sex solves lots of non-sexual problems:
    Finance issues
    Career issues
    General stress

    you can transmutate any problem into a sexual one that when you overpower it you feel a sense of control. That’s the problem with sex addictions.

    many men go to strip clubs not for sex, but for attention. Some go because they are treated with instant respect. Some go because they are treated like kingpins etc.

    it’s usually not simply a sexual drive that brings you to this establishment.

    As far as “de escalation” alone— I think it is possible yes — but you need to ask what is causing the behavior to occur. I’d say if that root cause is not addressed then the addiction will migrate to something else once the person wills themself to not act out sexually.

    as for why he “had” to... I often wanted to back out but felt obligated because I had already set several things in motion.
    FellatiousD and GA93JDeereboy like this.
  5. iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere

    iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere Fapstronaut

    Escalation! And a way for him to flee from reality, and issues that follow him.

    Does he show regret and remorse?
    Thats very important to me, and to my fiancee in our situation - as its a sign of being real, and being better than the former you.
    I havent met escorts but I have done other stupid things that could have hurt my GF and put me in trouble, but it all is okay now, thanks to me having real feelings of remorse and SHOWING it, being honest and real.

    I totally understand that its not what he really wanted, just like a junkie doesnt WANT to use drugs, but they still crave it.

    Sorry if this sounds disgusting, but i hope you understand how I mean;
    try to view those escorts as a drug more than people.

    They were his way to escape, just like drugs for a junkie.
    Just like P or weird sexual behaviour for most of us.

    If he wanted someone else for real, he wouldnt have gone to paid escorts, he would have been seeing other girls like casually, you see how I mean?

    You seem like an amazing person for staying with him, and I wish you both all the best, I really hope he does show remorse and has the balls to be honest with you!

    Best wishes!
    need4realchg likes this.

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