Well, I'm ready to get back into it.

Hello again,

It's been about 1 - 2 months, (maybe longer) since I made it to 52 days without PMO. Since then, my longest streak was about a week, and it's just got worse. It's been about, 4 years since I've dated or even been with a woman. I've put my walls up, used my focus on my study and my mental illness to justify my reasoning for not wanted to be in a relationship, but I'm starting to discover that I'm missing out on a lot and missing out on a relationship that could balance me.

It hasn't all be bad. I managed to lose 14 kilograms in the past 12 weeks. Then put 4 back on after a bit of a binge, (ha ha). I'm doing excellent in uni and it's only a few weeks until I've finished my studies, (hopefully forever) ! But I feel like something is missing, that I'm not becoming as great as I thought I could be.

I think the worst thing has been trying to not only get back up on the horse, but trying to prepare myself for wet dreams. It killed my last reboot. It also got to the point of when I restarted my reboot, they become really frequent and it was really frustrating me. Waking up in the middle of the night, then I gotta clean myself.. you know what I mean.

So why now? What has changed? Well, I just read the email that was sent out by Alexander Rhodes, (thank you Alex). I had already been thinking about taking a stab and not PMOing for at least November. I watched the tedx talk by Jack Fischer, which embarrassingly found my user name on one of the slides, (lol). Things started coming back to me. I've lost my motivation, and I really need it back. I felt both experiences now, and PMO is too disruptive, and I'm sure you can throw in a few more words to express it. So I'm setting my goal for a month. I had created the goal of reaching my birthday, but apparently a present to myself to get rid of this shit, wasn't enough. So, I'll take it one day at a time. See what happens, and try not to get bored!

Thank you.