well that was unfortunate.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by BennyLow78, Aug 30, 2016.

  1. BennyLow78

    BennyLow78 Fapstronaut

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    today was going pretty well, until I heard that this girl I really liked now has a boyfriend.

    I've known her for about a year, and I really like her. a few friends, myself and her are moving in together in September. I realised I had feeling for her after this was sorted, and I thought I would give it a go after we all got back. then a few relapses and drops in confidence etc. but now i'm better than before, and I have been talking to her casually over summer.

    then our friend told me that she was back with her boyfriend. and she is. so yeah, bit of a blow. :(
     
  2. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    When did she get back with the boyfriend? Was is just recently, as in long after you decided you have feelings for her?

    Use this as an example to man up and approach girls about going out and hanging out as non-friends (ie a date). You can't sit and wait for the "right moment" to ask them out or for when to make your move sexually (ie touching, kissing, hugging, teasing, basically what a boyfriend and girlfriend do, not friends), you have to go after what you want in life. If she hesitates to do any of these things with you on a date then there isn't an attraction, or the time isn't right just yet.

    Don't throw a pity party for yourself, that just makes this worse for you. Use it as a lesson to not do this next time. By dragging it out she probably never saw you as boyfriend material so moved onto someone else. The whole hanging around her and getting her to like you over time thought process doesn't work, or only does in the rarest of cases.

    Also don't put her, or any chick, on a pedestal, as it gives them all the power over you in a sense, because look how depressed you sound even though you got "rejected" without even asking her out. Forget about her, it's HER loss, not yours, and now you're available to be a part of some other lucky girl's life. You have to adopt this mindset so that you don't lose confidence over little things like this.

    I used to get so wrapped up over certain girls that it not only chased them away but it devastated me when they inevitably rejected me, because I made it up in my head that they were perfect for me. This mindset leads to you being the primary person chasing, which then leads to the inevitable depressed feelings when it doesn't work out. As hard as it may seem, you cannot get attached until you are clearly boyfriend and girlfriend.

    I get that the initial feeling of this sucks, I've been there, even just recently, but just focus on yourself and I assure you there will be more girls, better than her, that will come into your life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 30, 2016
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  3. BennyLow78

    BennyLow78 Fapstronaut

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    hey, it was just recently, which is the real stinger.

    but thanks for the reply. I know that you're right. :)
    i'll just have to move on and see who else is out there. and not wait for the right moment as you said.
     
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  4. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Since it was just recently use it as motivation to not draw things out and make your intentions known quickly. It's hard to adopt this mindset and to actually do it if you're not used to it, but unfortunately (or fortunately, however you look at it) it's our role as men to be the leaders and initiators.

    It's been told to me over and over, mostly by women I have spoken to in person, that one of the most attractive things us guys can have is confidence. Part of that means going after what we want and not apologizing for it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 31, 2016
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  5. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    There must of been an issue in the first place for them to break up. Sometimes we try to go back but it's never the same the the same problems surface. Sometimes when we like a girl we only see the side that is cute and attractive. Yet when we get involved with them the truth comes out and it can range from deep emotional anger and self hate to physical problems and too much drama. I have experienced the prettier the girl is the more bullshit she throws and expects her man to deal with her bullshit.

    There are over 6 billion people in the world my friend and more than half are women. You have plenty of options!!!
     
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  6. BennyLow78

    BennyLow78 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys for the support. Thank you for taking the time to read that. :)

    I am going to use it as experience, and not wait for the perfect opportunity, be a bit more confident.

    And if they do break up again, I'll give it a go. But if it doesn't happen, then I'll investigate the other 3 billion women out there! ;)
     
  7. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Being single. Single is cooler :p
     
  8. Liverpoolfan1995

    Liverpoolfan1995 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly buddy! Being raised on Hollywood rom coms I always thought there has to be this "perfect" moment when you ask a girl out and this has led to me being really cautious in my dating game. And this perfect moment is such bullshit. There is no such thing. It's up to you to take that moment and make it perfect. Harder said than done, but I'm definitely going to try and be a bit more confident in asking girls I want to ask out when I go back to uni this year!
     
  9. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

  10. In the words of the ever-so-wise Michael Scott,

    "BFD, engaged ain't married."

    Same goes for dating. You never know what could happen. Just because he's her "right now" doesn't mean he will be her forever. Of course it's not healthy to sit around and wait for that, and I agree that you should try to move on and focus on yourself for a while and other things. But my point is, you never know what could happen. If you two are super perfect together, maybe things will work out in the future. Or, if not, you'll probably end up with someone even better, so either way you'll be okay. Chin up!
     

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