Wet dreams relapse, being young, life's hard

Hi, this is my first thread, in fact I registered in the NoFap community just to post about this. I want to explain my situation to you honestly, and any information, help, or insights you can share I will appreciate them.

I am a rare being. My father is a loser, he has good genetic material, but he masturbated aaaall his life and is an insecure person. This was passed to me. And I had a lot of interest in sex from a young age. This is not necessarily bad, in fact that interest was in part because of my high levels of testosterone (always being the taller, hairier, and baddest guy in school). But the fact is that this life that I was borned with has been missleaded, and my father is not to blame, I am to blame. Since I was a child, what could have been the life of an alpha male who is good hearted, became the life of a porn addict. I am talking about being 8 years old and starting in porn full time, and about 14 years old I stopped going to school and tricked the system and my family to be with porn and videogames. I'd love to tell you a story about a hard childhood that was dramatic and cool, but this is the reality of this world, this is what fucked me up, porn and videogames.

I kept wasting my life until I started doing drugs and mixed them and the girlfriend I had that I didn't love at all broke up with me after 2.5 shitty years and I got fired of my job. This was around 19. I was fucked up, and my instinct was stopping all drugs and stopping all porn. Since then I have improved everyday, with my ups and downs, with all the effects of having had a life dedicated to false idols that had a permanent effect in my body and my personality... I was very shy, I still shy, and I was unable to love or be loved, and this I still learning about because I want to be a succesfull human being.

So, from the age 19 to 21 I quit all drugs and porn. From 21 to 22 I started transforming my sexual energy into productive work and love. But I have a problem. I am 22, and I still having a problem I have developed throught my life and years of abuse. I used to create a pattern in my head where I would sleep while touching my pennis and have sexual dreams that held me in a state of living in lala-land. Women notice this nowadays, it doesn't matter how much I work in front of them, they still tell me I am a lazy ass. And this is because what a woman wants to see is a man working but who is also full of energy, that gives them a different vibe.

So, I'll end explaining the topic and my problem. I could easily stop porn and masturbation, that was the easy part, the hard part is having high levels of testosterone, being young and healthy, and stopping a pattern of ejaculating in my dreams that chases me like a demon. I know I am alone in this, but I hope I can receive some support from this forum, and in return I will support other guys aswell who are having the same problems I had.

So, my longest streak to this day has been of 2 weeks. It is not much, but believe me, for a person with my libido, at 2 weeks I am a demigod, literally. Lol I remember the 14th day I met this old lady friend who is 1 or 2 years older than me, so we talked a bit in the street, I was so full of energy, and she knew something weird was going on... She also had her boyfriend next to her! But she insisted in talking to me lol, so, at the end of the conversation I say to her good luck! And she starts laughing, the face all red, laughs and laughs and laughs... Lol, looks like the sound that came out of my mouth had an effect in her.

So, going back to the topic, there is one more thing, I am obviously a musician, I play guitar in an orchestra. And what happens? Due to my inestabilty with my dreams and ejaculation, it's rare the day that I am in a concert how I am supposed to be (full of energy). For example, I had a streak of 11 days, of consistent work, yoga, physical exercise, good eating, good resting, positives affirmation. Then the night before the concert (this morning...), I have a very small wet dream (I say small because I no longer have fantasies... They are not a problem... Me allowing myself to ejaculate is the problem!) And I'll ejaculate. Now what happens? I have been working to be able to be full of energy this day and play a concert that everybody, specially my friends of the orchestra will remember, but now I lost it in the ejaculation, I am not a demigod, just and avarage guitar player, who is also a bit shy because he does not have the energy he needs to laugh with people and make others laugh.

And all because I still have this pattern of ejaculating in my sleep. So, I ejaculated this night and I was so mad... So mad... I knew what was a coming, a concert of me not having energy, and of talking to people without it.

This is the situation I am going through and I wanted to share it, thanks for listening and I will make my best to keep the hard discipline up

 

Hi I have problems understanding your comment like always, but it's probably because of my level of English.

I am starting trataka today and adding it to my routine, thank you very much

 

Thanks

I will. But I'd like to know what you are referring to with water