What am I. Please help me understand!

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Geductive, Oct 20, 2016.

  1. Geductive

    Geductive Fapstronaut

    Hey, first of all I am not sure if this is the right part of the forum to post my problem, since Loneliness is none of my concerns but rather Virginity itself and for some reason even writing about this makes me feel very uncomfortable.

    I am a 19 yo virgin. For some reason though this just recently started bugging me (about a year ago).

    Just to get an idea of my personality, I am a quite talkative person who loves to flirt with girls and usually has no problem finding topics or speaking to them(I am not trying to show-off, its just better to understand my problem). But this is also my biggest issue of concern. For as far as I can recall it 19 years I didnt really feel the need for sexual interaction with other people. (I am not gay, I think, since I dont feel anything looking at men or speaking to them) I really love speaking, bantering and flirting with girls but I dont feel any urge to have sex with them after doing so and for some reason a man is supposed to feel like this in todays society. Furthermore I am not sure about this being a problem of sexuality (A-sexuality or others) or just because of addictive porn-abuse behavior in the past or else just me overrating the importance of virginity and therefore pressure related issues. But A-sexuality woulndt really make sense since I get a boner when cuddling with woman.

    I am a man who thinks very much and since I didnt find any solution yet for my problem, it got stuck in my head for about a year now and had a negative impact on my school-related issues as well as my none existent love life because I as soon as I feel like a girl is interested in having sex with me usually crawl back into my shell.

    There are only a few other people I am really interested in having relationships with either but they are usually 2-3 years younger than me and live a bit far away and I am very keen on having one, but am somehow afraid of the intercorrelating part of it.

    Having recently discovered nofap I decided to give it a try and even though my life in general improved (more active and health-oriented) my drive for sex isnt or only slightly expressing itself. Will this be solved by the rebooting program?, because I really want to have sex, I am just not interested in it for some reason. Could this be porn related? How does one feel when really wanting to have sex with someone else? For as long as I can recall it when I found someone really attractive I would start masturbating over them without really trying to "maximize" the relationship, might this be the key issue? And is porn induced A-sexuality reversable?

    Additionally I f.e really enjoy looking at nice asses but I am not sure the feeling I get when looking at them is the same than wanting to have sex with them.

    Lastly I want to thank your community as a whole for your support and you wont believe what a relief I feel finally being able to express myself, since talking about this with a parent or friend is a bit weird (at least for me)

    Dearest Regards.
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2016
  2. AndySky180

    AndySky180 Fapstronaut

    Not unusual to be 19 and be a virgin! Relax, and keep your sense of humour!!!

    Don't worry. We all assume that everybody else is having a much better sex-life than we ourselves are, lol.

    Really good things are going to happen for you. Just keep being the bright and positive person you clearly are. And I reckon when the time comes, it will all just happen, and for you both, it will be totally AWESOME for you both. Yeah, ditch the porn, and go out and encounter and enjoy real friendships. The world is out there waiting for you. Cheers!
  3. ItsNotWorthIt

    ItsNotWorthIt Fapstronaut

    just have sex with someone so you know how empty and meaningless it is without "love"
    once you realised that, you will feel the need to find love so you can have the connections for "making love"
    if you care i'll tell you whatsup with my feel: i never had true "making love" only meaningless sex, too disgusted to even kiss the girl so i dont and allot of hookers...
    now im drunk now so if this doesnt really make sense its cuz of the alcohol (in rehab tho and mental hospital)
    just have sex feel how empty it is and find someone you really care about...
    be happy you can be open and "flirty" cuz i cant without alcohol so i'm doomed for meaningless sex
    never had a real girlfriend
    ye again im drunk as fck just be hppy girls like you and go fuck them even if you dont want to
    and if you ccant get a boner get some pills to get a boner (the word is banned it seems) its just about knowing how it feels anyway so you understand that you need "love"
    i " " everything cuz love is you know lalalalalalalalalalalala i need a hug :'(, fcking love alcohol tho
    Mankrik and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    As Andy said, don't worry about being a "virgin" at 19. You have the rest of your life to experience sex with a real woman.
    The reason I placed virgin in quotes is because actually you're not a virgin. You've been in a sexual relationship with P and and your hand for years. If you think about it, why would you want to have sex with a actual woman when you are currently having sex with different women (as often as you are having PMO). You have trained your young brain that real women won't offer you the same satisfaction as the women you have simulated sex with on your computer. You still like the company of woman, hence the flirting and ease to talk to and with them but when it comes to intimacy, you are a faithful man to P and won't cheat on it. You've wired yourself that way.

    Here is the good news! YOU can change that! Break up with PMO! Heal yourself from that long term relationship. Once you have healed and reset, your true natural desires will emerge as they were naturally from birth wired to be.

    So that means you have to delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. You then have to identify your triggers. What is going on in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort? Next determine healthy alternatives to PMO for dealing with those triggers. We can help you with that.
    Geductive, Viador and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  5. Dovaferret

    Dovaferret Fapstronaut


    First I would like to say I have many of the same issues you have here, except for the fact that I am not a virgin. What I would say from personal experience is that your concern about your virginity is stressing you out enough to kill you libido. When I lost my virginity I wasn't sure what the difference between love and lust was. I had strong feelings towards a girl, but they were not feelings of wanting to stick around- only feelings of wanting to have sex with her. Once we had sex a few times I realized that I did not feel the way she wanted me to and left. The point is sexual attraction and wanting to have sex are not one and the same. We had sex because I felt it was wanted by her. I still had an erection, I still enjoyed it. But at that time I didn't necessarily want to. I don't think you are asexual as you are enjoying the company of women and are aroused by them. Just relax. Sex is not the pedestal everyone puts it on. Sure it can be great with the right person, but it's just ok with the wrong. Don't worry about the virginity, worry much more about whether or not you care about a person before you have sex with them. Either that, or know that neither of you feel anything except the need to hook up.

    Virgins have a tenancy to over think and stress out about sex. Sex isn't that complicated, it's not that hard. Just relax and enjoy it when it comes!
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2016
    Geductive, NF SINCE BIRTH and D . J . like this.

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

    I am pretty sure that you are not really A-sexual. I have been wondering about this myself from time to time. The lack of interest in sex with real girls probably stems from your deep rooted PMO habit. And YES, it is reversable. You should try to do this hardmode and report back what you find out. You will probably start to feel changes after a while, and once your "addiction" realizes that PMO is no longer a solution then I am pretty sure that you will start to feel a stronger urge to go out and make things happen.
    Geductive likes this.
  7. Geductive

    Geductive Fapstronaut

    Thanks guys for the support and advises you gave me, all of you! I am currently no hard-mode since I guess 2+ weeks (not really counting, I feel like its rather pressuring knowing the exact date) I have to admit the first week went horrible for me. I felt like not having any energy to do basic necessary stuff, high stress levels and tiredness. The second week was for some reason in some cases the same, in others the exact opposite. When I started doing stuff I felt so energetic and progress-oriented, this feeling was awesome. Even though it wasnt too hard to keep myself from PMO I remember one day, on which my brain was just screaming for old porn-consuming habbits. On this day I went back to this site (actually only driven by curiosity) and you helped me to keep going.

    I observed myself training a few habbits throughout the day. Whenever I am in bed I would start thinking about sex and porn, and "playing" with my genitals are somewhat factors keeping my libido low I think.

    I know this mind sound weird but I also met a girl, that I really feel like touching (I know this sounds weird) I feel like recording this for the first time in my life. I know it has just been 2 weeks yet, but I can feel the progress and I wont stop!

    Once again huge thanks!
  8. Geductive

    Geductive Fapstronaut

    Sounds like a good Idea Fourier!

    Where abouts should I start blogging about my progress? Would you reckon I could use this Thread or start a new one?


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