What are you doing to get out from your comfort zone?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by galaxim, Dec 24, 2014.

  1. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    Hi! In the line of this thread http://www.nofap.com/forum/showthread.php?25245-Describe-how-you-are-feeling-RIGHT-NOW-IN-ONE-WORD-! I was thinking that perhaps we can describe in a few lines (or words) what we're actually doing (as opossed to "what we plan to do in some uncertain future") to get out of our comfort zone.

    I'll start:

    -Recently I've started going out to social gatherings: one lunch, one End of the Year ceremony and last night a meeting at a bar. In all those cases I began knowing almost no one there, but I ended up having a great time afterwards and meeting a few people (the traditional FB exchange).

    What are YOU doing?
     
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  2. Razielcreed

    Razielcreed Fapstronaut

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    The Edge of every person's comfort zone is his Fears , you fear talking to a hot girl ? Do it , you fear kissing one ? do it , you fear going out from your house ? do it , that way you can expand your comfort zone to other things more challenging , it's same as NoFap challenge , you challenge yourself to do things that scares you
    that way you will Build your Core confidence
    --> but be aware that everyone has there fears , even if they look TOUGH/muscular/fat/tiny :D do you fear Failure ? hhhh SUCCEED
     
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  3. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    I know, I just wanted to know what others are facing, what others are doing to overcome them.

     
  4. Might_0

    Might_0 Fapstronaut

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    Yea that's true. But also one should have a strategy to accomplish those things. If a complete newbie just walks up and start making out with a hot girl well, she'll probably Slap him to February, 33 (which does not exists). Find a actual strategy to do the thing you fear most, as long as its productive to yourself.

    Nofap is a strategy for porn addiction.

    BTW I'm going out more often. Kinda frightening tho cause anxiety kicks my ass when I'm talking to people sometimes. But that's how I know I'm growing.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2014
  5. purity

    purity Fapstronaut

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    Am I reading your sig right? Part of your plans for Friday nights are to rob a movie store, lol?!

    Great thread idea.

    I wish I had a bunch of stuff to share, but in all honesty I don't.

    I still feel like I'm having withdrawals, or still suffering from damage I wrought upon myself this last relapse. Binges are no joke. Especially when you throw drugs and alcohol into the mix on top of PMO.

    I have faith that in the next couple months my brain will repair fully, because literally I can feel the left side of it, I tweaked something in there, and am probably lucky to be alive honestly.

    I can't use this as an excuse though, and will have to start making small steps right away, everday, facing one little fear, even if it's just going into a store and starting a conversation with a sales associate.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2014
  6. Might_0

    Might_0 Fapstronaut

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    I feel as if I've been using nofap as a excuse to not approach people. I've lived in that reality until 10 minutes ago, after reading the last part of your post. Honestly I think because I know the harm of porn and how long I've been watching it I think I must be perfect before I can approach I super hot chick. I'm not even kidding here, I actual think it to my self sometime. I'd say "I'm not going to approach another girl until I've gone 90 days", and so far I haven't gone 90 days 'yet'. I guess it's because I lost a gf to this thing and I became really insecure about it for a while. Also the added stress of not approaching be for I'm perfect (aka finishing nofap) added huge amount of pressure/stress and made me relapse alot.

    I hope someone gains value from what I wrote.
     
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  7. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    During your reboot I'd approach people but in a relaxed way. I wouldn't go with the mindset "I want to date this chick" before 90 days (unless some clear opportunity presents to you), for two reasons:

    1. It's easier to do the reboot if you're single, without any sexual release.
    2. At the beginning, we continue to think in porn terms, so we can mess up something that could turn out to be great otherwise.

    I don't pretend to be someone who is "beyond" women, as I'm really not, but one thing has changed: it the past I used to go out, maybe talk to a girl or two and if nothing happened (which was always the case), I came home and FAP. Nowadays, I don't have that pressure any more. So what if "nothing" happens? Am I not going to continue to live my life anyway? Suppose that "something" actually happens, am I not going to continue to live my life, to persue my interests anyway?

    I believe that the only way to beat this, to put it out from your life, is to develop yourself as a person, not to be dependent on exterior forces (such as women, Facebook, "what other people are doing/saying"). So when you reach that point, you achieve freedom to walk your own path. You have developed patience, hobbies: you're comfortably being by yourself. You have nothing to hide anymore, you have no inner burden anymore. Perhaps that makes you more attractive, more confident. I can't say that I've become a "chick magnet", as I have just began going out. I plan to continue going out (besides keeping my inner life), but with the idea of meeting interesting people, not just some sexually oriented search. What's the worst that can happen? That I continue to be celibate? :)

    Celibacy, even in relative terms (as I understand it), gives you freedom and peace of mind, that you don't need to have sex constantly to be happy. In other words, that you can do a lot of things completely unrelated to sex, as sex is not an issue anymore.

    Galaxim.

     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2014
  8. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    Im going to Write a list over my fears and skills I want to improve. Some bullet poins below:

    * Practice on a clearer, deeper voice. I know I have it. I yust tend to speak With a different voice when im insecure.

    * Practice on social status skills. This isnt really any Hokus Pocus. Its all about knowing my core values, have the balls to stand up for myself, be kind but not foolish about it, develop some real confidence.

    * Confidence. I dont think this is really a problem for me when I get deep into the nofap thing. But even tough I generally feel like a confident person I think I can get rid of some bad habits. I can learn more about body Language, practice on a confident body Language. This leads to a New point:

    * Eliminate unecessesary Words from my Language. I notice that I sometimes use meaningless Words to fill up the empty Space between or after Words. Its nothing wrong in taking breaks when speaking. People will listen.

    This was yust a few. Observe Your habits, ask someone else to comment on Your behaviour so you can Discover Your blind spots. Think about situations when you feel insecure. Analyze it and find out exactly what you fear.
     
  9. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    NFSB, you're probably going to reach those goals along this journey, as many fapstronauts have developed those skills within time.

    Perhaps you know it already, but on body language you have
    The Definitive Book of Body Language, by Allan and Barbara Peace:
    http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Bo...488&sr=1-1&keywords=allan+pease+body+language
    In the past I read another book from A. Peace and it seemed to me very good.

    About your voice, have you considered start recording yourself (perhaps you're also already doing that)?

    Merry Christmas and a New Year to you, in the whole sense of the word.

    Galaxim.

     
  10. vik17

    vik17 Fapstronaut

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    I do the weirdest stuff I can think of in public and am confident while doing it. Once I complimented strangers, another time I did pushups in public. I will be doing much weirder things soon.
     
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  11. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

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    Vik17 thats sounds more like fun to me :)
     
  12. NU-LIFE

    NU-LIFE Fapstronaut

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    First of all I just want to say this is a great thread idea. I'm finding it difficult to step out of that "comfort zone". It's a hard thing to do and as a fapper it's so easy to get stuck in a rut and keep following the same routine day after day after day.

    About a month ago I decided to quit my job of 4 years on a whim. Wasn't happy with life anymore, so I quit. That was the first step. I managed to get a great job in the same industry, but had to move from the comfort of my small 12000 person town where I knew so many people to a small city of 300000 people where I know no one. That was the leap. I struggled at first, but recently have gotten a little streak going and have gotten the balls to go to they gym here. I now feel without a doubt I made the right decision. These are a couple things I have done, but I feel I need to do more. Does anyone have any tips for meeting people. It's great I've taken these steps, but I can't spend all my time alone. Baby steps I guess.
     
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  13. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    It sounds that quitting your job was a good decision.
    Does anyone have any tips for meeting people?

    What are you good at, NuLife? What activity, besides your work, do you have where you feel comfortable?
    For example, I consider myself to be good at learning languages, so I started going to polyglot meetings. I'd start from there, a space where you can share a common interest: the enviroment is going to be unfamiliar, but your interest is going to be your "inner comfort zone".

    The other option that I can think of is starting new activities and giving them some time, let's say 4 classes? If you feel that you're totally uncomfortable then, I'd quit the activity in question.

    For me the idea of getting out of the comfort zone is to do things that you want to do, but that you're afraid of doing for some reason (like meeting girls), not to start living a life of constant suffering. I'm sure that burning my hands in the fire is way out of my comfort zone, but that's not something that I plan to do just now.

    Galaxim.

     
  14. tomer123

    tomer123 Fapstronaut

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    if u ask me i think that "honest is the best polsy " . as i noticed that lof of people i meat and talk to in my collge dont know each other name ... so i just ask them :" dude i am so sorry but o forgot your name , could u reminde me whats your name " ? or even to girls . try approchting to girl and tell her :" hi somthing funny " then she will ask " what " ? and u will answer :"os sorry i tried to say somthing funny but that is all i could think of " usially the girl will luafgh trust try to be honest with people
     
  15. zengarden

    zengarden Fapstronaut

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    Mine is to talk to girls on daytime. Approaching one girl is not so hard anymore but groups is imitating so have to try that. And public speaking is something a would want to try more.
     
  16. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    I will be changing the belief about myself that kept me stuck in the house to begin with. Sometimes facing your fears isn't enough and you gotta go deeper to effect the change that you want in yourself.
     
  17. JegErFransk

    JegErFransk Fapstronaut

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    I've been working a lot on comfort-zone this I started NoFap. Here is what I did, step by step:

    1) Making your bed in the morning: quite easy but it teaches you a certain discipline which is very important for the next steps.

    2) Cleaning your room/flat at least once a week: step 1 and 2 helped me with discipline but also to feel more confortable inviting people at my place.

    3) Cold showers every morning right after waking up: From the first minute of your day, you have to get out of your comfort zone if you want to improve. Stick to step 3 and never give up! (I started 10months ago: it has been a lot of suffering but for nothing I will give up my morning cold shower!)

    4) I left my home country: Quit your job/univeristy and go somewhere you don't know anyone. You'll soon realize there's a world outside of your close circle of relatives/friends.

    5) Talk to strangers: In certain circumstances, there's something bumping to your mind but nobody around you to talk about it. Why don't you talk about it with the stranger sitting next to you in the subway? I first I felt stupid, but I soon realized people are actually happy to talk to you. I met quite a lot of persons by doing so.

    Bonus: Stay fit. By practicing sport, you feel great in your body which help you feel more confident.


    The shy guy I used to be doesn't exist anymore! I'm the perfect introvert, and there's nobody to stop me doing what I want to do!
     
  18. CL555

    CL555 Fapstronaut

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    I go for my run within 15 minutes of waking up, no matter what the weather is like.
    I find that doing something challenging first thing is a great way to set you up for your day. It strengthens motivation and makes you feel great afterward. I used to take cold showers daily, however, I've stopped as I started getting really bad headaches under the freezing water.
     
  19. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Taking an improv class is a great way to meet people and definitely gets you out of your comfort zone.
     
  20. vik17

    vik17 Fapstronaut

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    It is actually really fun but far from comfortable. Try going in public and tell a random girl that she is pretty, then walk away. It has been a long time since I last got online, so I know I replied quite late. Lol.
     

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