What are you doing?

If there is something you want to change in your life, the only thing that really matters is what you are DOING about it. What actions are you actually taking to make something different, to make your reality different? Thinking will definitely help you to plan and consider the infinite possibilities of your future. Feeling good about changing will help you too, in a way. But ultimately, what GENERATES your new reality in life is what you DO.

First: what does it mean to "do" something? Simple. All that it means "to do" something is to focus your time and attention, and thus energy, on that thing. That's it. If I were to ask you "what are you doing right now?", you would say "I'm reading a post on NoFap in the Self Improvement section." Or, specifically: "I am focusing my time and attention on a post on NoFap in the Self Improvement section." That is all that it means when we say we are "doing" something: we are spending our time and attention, which is energy, either mental, or physical, on a certain thing.

If you want to make a positive change, you must stop focusing your time and attention on the things that you don't like. STOP focusing on how bad it sucks being a virgin, or how much you hate being lonely, or how you hate your job. Those initial feelings of negativity are important to propel you AWAY from something that you don't like, but at some point you must generate the POSITIVE state that you want by focusing your time and attention on that new positive reality. That is where the solution lies.

So if you are a virgin and you want to meet a pretty young woman and get laid, 99% of making that happen is doing things to move towards that goal. Are you going out and approaching women at parties or clubs? What about during the day, are you approaching women there? Are you working on yourself and building up your stength, your fitness, both mentally and physically? What are you doing? What are you focusing your time and attention on?

Because as soon as you start to do something in one direction, everything, every part of you, begins to metamorphose at a very deep level into this new thing. If I start walking south, every part of me is walking south. If I start walking north, every part of me then redirects and starts walking north. If I start focusing my time and attention on getting the job I want, then every part of me begins to shift and redirect to make this happen. So it is with everything.

But all that matters is what you are doing, because if you aren't doing anything, then nothing will happen.

 

Everything that exists around you at this very moment, with the exception of nature, was created by the mental power, the thoughts, of a human being. Every action that you have taken in your life was taken because you first accepted that the action was valid in your mind (either consciously or unconsciously), and then you as an individual exerted your own mental and physical energy to continue that pattern of action in accordance with the belief that you had about it being valid. This is the de facto creation of reality. Yes, there is a discoverable reality, or natural law, that can only be discovered and worked with, but there is also a malleable reality, or your own existence, which can be drastically altered, for better or for worse, through your own beliefs and actions.

I would argue that a person who is addicted to PMO is attempting to escape from their inner authority and power. The act of allowing PMO into their life in a substantial way is the ABDICATION of creative power, not the expression of it.

If a person is fine with being a virgin, no problem. But for those who have had positive sexual experiences, they know that it opens up a whole new realm of beauty and personal power in life. There is nothing quite as uplifting as meeting a beautiful woman who you connect with on a deep level and having a passionate relationship with her. I am simply saying that if a person wants that, and really they should want that, then they have to take consistent action to make it happen. What is more troubling these days is that more and more men don't want sex, they don't want to connect with women on a deep and intimate level. That to me is more troubling.

 

Revealed by whom? Or under what authority? I assume by your statements that follow directly after that you are the one deciding that, since you are the one creating the conditions for the hypothesis which you seek to test, and then you are also the arbiter who determines whether or not you have met those conditions.

This is what I am saying, that the individual is essentially the one who creates their reality, UNDER the governance of natural law. Yes, there is an objective reality, but it is impossible for a human being to be fully at one with the objective reality of the universe. It is simply not possible. The universe is infinite and we are finite. Anyone who says they are fully inline with objective reality is deluded.

But my point is there is also a subjective reality, allowed within the objective reality, for each individual to experience. While that subjective reality should aspire to harmonise with the overarching objective natural law, that subjective reality relies on the individual to take meaningful creative action in order to shape that reality to their intent.

When I use the word "passion" I am using it to encompass the deepest aspects of a relationship. True passion takes into consideration all of the difficult and challenging aspects of life that a partner is going through and uplifts them through care and love.

 

That is a difficult question. I think in many ways marriage, with it's false sense of permanency, of security, codified through societal institutions and belief systems, in many ways destroys true passion. When there is the notion that what you have will last forever, that it is immutable, I think when a person has that notion then they will begin to take the other person for granted. Stagnation sets in. Dullness and mediocrity sets in, and all of these qualities kill passion.

But if there is true passion, which is never taking someone else for granted, knowing always that they might walk away or be gone the next day, and still working towards the highest state of deep relationship with that person, challenging yourself everday to make yourself better for them, and likewise, they are making themselves better for you, then there is real passion. And when there is that real passion, there is a real marriage of the two people on a spiritual level far beyond anything that society can even touch, and then ceremonial marriage isn't even necessary.

 

Nice. I would say that taking health and fitness seriously is one of the best decisions anyone can make. There is no other choice that fundamentally affects so many other areas of life than how healthy a person is. It is actually the perfect example of changing reality for the better through conscious choice. Health affects energy levels, and thus mood, which affects relationships, career, personal goals, etc, etc. A person who makes a conscious effort to work on their health and maintain a high level of fitness will have a lot more energy to do what they want and they will live longer and be happier.

 

I do not agree with you. I think that sex is more than just a means to an end, and that pleasure from sex is not "irrelevant" and meaningless if there is no intent to reproduce. Sex is a natural creative energy that we can take part in. Yes, the basic function of sex may be to reproduce but this doesn't mean human beings cannot enjoy sex and the pleasure it brings.

So a man and woman must inevitably pass through the stage of romantic attachment after they have had their children, only staying together to do their duty of raising them with no real and lasting love for each other anymore? That seems really depressing. Isn't it possible for a man and a woman to be in love for their entire lives, rearing their children from the foundation of this love?

 

It depends what you mean by "unnatural and brutal steps". If you are referring to the use of contraception to preclude insemination as "unnatural and brutal", then I would disagree with you. Technically it may be "unnatural" if a man uses a condom or a woman uses an intrauterine device, but if you are applying the term "unnatural" with these stringent conditions then it is also unnatural to drive a car, speak on the telephone, or use a microwave. Getting an operation to remove a cancerous tumor would be unnatural under your conditions.

The fact is that human beings have the power to control and manipulate the "natural" world to our own advantage through the use of technology. It is something we are fully entitled to do, and the use of contraception to enjoy sex while limiting the chance of pregnancy is an example of this power.

Wow. Ok. I view arranged marriages as one of the most despicable infringements upon the rights of the individual that a society can impose. You say you appreciate the "idea" of arranged marriages. What about the reality? The fact that some external entity would force a child to be paired with someone he or she may despise for the rest of their life is the very antithesis of personal liberty.

You seem to advocate a purely logical framework for choosing a partner. I view this approach as deeply unnatural. Emotion is not logical, that is one of the reasons why it is effective at keeping people together. If we pursued mating from a purely logical standpoint, then really we should all be test tube babies, and when you want to reproduce you go to the Ministry of Reproduction and fill out a form for your new kids, all to the most rational specifications as outlined by the MOR. Then your sperm is paired in a laboratory with the ideal egg and you receive your new kids in 9 months. I'm being facetious but this is where your argument seems to be heading: no love, no emotion, those things are irrelevant to the task of reproduction. Your argument makes me think of the movie "Gattaca".

Again, fundamentally disagree. There are many physically attractive women who are 30, 40, 50, etc. That is why attraction is not logical. I have encountered many women in their late 40s and 50s who I think are sexy. I hope if I get married that my sexual attraction to my wife lasts for my entire life.

And how can you say that the "internal beauty of a woman disappears" very quickly? Surely women grow and mature as men do, and their internal beauty, if they choose a life of goodness and virtue, would burgeon with age, like a fine wine, as the saying goes. For you to cast aspersions on all women as fundamentally depreciating in external and internal beauty as they grow older is far more demeaning than someone who relishes in sexual attraction to women of all ages.

It is very difficult to define "real love". Some philosophers have divided love in three ways: Erotic, Platonic, and Altruistic. I think that real love with a partner would include all three aspects:

• (Erotic) You find your wife hot and your sexual relationship is amazing. (physical expression of love)
• (Platonic) You are also your wife's best friend and she is yours. (emotional expression of love)
• (Altruistic) And you make sacrifices for your wife, and she to you. (logical or spiritual expression of love)

I see each realm as being valid and necessary, which is why I think God or the Creator gave us all three realms: sexual attraction, emotional bonding, and logical thought. Sexual attraction pulls people together, emotional bonding connects them deep within their personality, and logical thought lets them guide their decisions to ensure a productive life for their family. To deny any aspect of the different realms of creative power that we are given seems to me to be unnatural.

 

Why is "natural sex" so highly esteemed in your view? You equate what is "natural", i.e., the most basic form of sex as being of the highest value. I don't think it is. I think that sex evolved within a certain set of conditions where it was necessary to procreate all the time or mankind would die off, but we are past that time in our evolution, way past it. The world has 7.5 billion people and counting. "Natural sex" has done it's job. Now it can be argued, very rationally, that in the mankind's current situation, excessive procreation is actually what is unnatural, that mindlessly begetting offspring is the real problem in today's world. Just look at most of the developing world. Families have 3,4,5 children and cannot even afford to feed or clothe them. Most do not even have access to clean drinking water. This kind of unfettered reproduction may be "natural", but it is also very ignorant and wrong in these circumstances.

Wow. That is your view of sex? That having sex is akin to eating your own vomit? Ok. Do you adhere to any religion that may cause you to think that way?

I think that is an exaggeration. Sure, people start out having sex because it feels good, but then they fall in love and have kids, and most keep the kids because they are in a state of love.

Again I would argue that it is more brutal and inhumane to bring a child into the world that cannot be fed, clothed, or given any kind of meaningful life. It is immoral.

Sexual energy is a creative energy. It brings a vitality to life that otherwise would not be there. People who enjoy good sex enjoy life more: they enjoy doing things, experiencing the world, creating, and generally making the most of this existence. People who don't have sex regularly tend to be boring and lack energy and joy.

If they are given the option to refuse, then that is less grievous. I still find the cultural conditioning that marriage and children is the fundamental purpose of life to be erroneous. It leads to less prosperity and harmony on Earth, and less personal liberty.

If the man is not in control of himself, then yes. If the man possesses self control and self awareness, then female beauty can be enjoyed without causing inner conflict. It is the weak minded and insecure men who are threatened by female beauty.

It depends where you live. I live in a big city in Canada; many women here make an active effort to stay in shape and look good their whole lives. I think if the woman only sees herself as a vessel for reproduction, then after having kids she will give up on her looks. Women who like having sex and want to stay sexually attractive make an effort to stay in shape and look good. This is another virtue of enjoying sex and letting it bring pleasure to your life.

Don't agree. Women can be externally beautiful and internally beautiful.

Again I think you are generalizing.

 

By "modern sex", I presume you mean the intelligent use of contraception in order to limit the chance of disease and pregnancy. You have yet to inform me why human beings should deny themselves sexual pleasure.

Ok, I see. You are comparing sex with bulimia, a revolting eating disorder. That's about as bad.

I am not advocating making pleasure the "goal" of life. I am saying that pleasure is a part of life that can be enjoyed by well balanced, intelligent people.

You have yet to tell me what is wrong with enjoying pleasure. If you wish to pursue the life of the ascetic, then that is your right. But if you want to convince others of the veracity of your life's choices then you have to give reasons why your lifestyle is beneficial. You have yet to do so.

I am not a fan of abortion, but do think that it is justifiable in certain instances (such as rape and incest). However, the vast majority of people enjoy sex by using contraception and never get to the stage of having to abort a fetus.

I do think that world would be a better place if there were less people. Simply having multiple kids with no plan to rear them or make the world a better place accelerates chaos and misery for all. In this way those who have kids and cannot provide for them are promoting more human suffering than those who abstain from having children but choose to enjoy sex as a natural part of life.

You argument seems to be that child rearing is the default state that mankind should aspire to.

I don't see anything wrong with experiencing life and enjoying it for what it is, sorry.

You have yet to delineate your reasons why enjoying pleasure is so wrong. You have not stated your religion, or the code of conduct which you aspire to, and why, so I have little to go on as far as being convinced by you. You have simply made repeated statements that lead me to believe that you dislike sex and you dislike women.

I am not a hedonist, I simply believe that sex between a man and woman is a good thing. I'm not looking for drug fueled orgies or pushing it to the limit. If a man and woman want to have sex and not have children, there is nothing wrong with that. It is actually better, in today's world, not to have kids, with all the overpopulation and poverty.

I think you are the one living a life of illusion, not me.

 

Where are you from and what is your religion?