What counts as porn?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Quexx, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. Tayaa

    Tayaa Fapstronaut

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    I'm Tryn hard for th moment.. .. But I'm plannin t quit sooner... I do it gradually jst lik whn I started fappin for th first tim... I ws dn it step by step.. Nw I ll try t revers th process
     
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  2. vitatertot

    vitatertot Fapstronaut

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    If you're genuinely trying to do a reboot, try approaching it from a different angle.
    MOST people do it from the angle of:
    "I'll avoid anything that WILL or PROBABLY make me relapse, and I'll keep the rest."
    It's staying as close to the cliff as possible without falling off.

    Maybe you should be approaching it from the angle of
    "If I'm already super horny, can I get off to this?"
    Bikini Models may not turn you on to the point of MO'ing most of the time, but if you're already balls horny and you can't control yourself, you're going to get off to it. There's been times when I've been SUPER horny, but because I didn't have internet access, because I've gotten rid of social media, or I didn't know my laptop password (had someone else keep it), I didn't MO and I let the urge pass.
    Stay away from anything that you CAN or WILL MO to if you're ALREADY super horny, because trust me, it happens even without Porn while you're rebooting.
     
  3. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    Before relapse, take a deep breathe and hold it until close to passing out.
     
  4. Quexx

    Quexx Fapstronaut

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    I also agree with this.
    Question though; If you watch something that isn't nudity and you get turned on by "mistake", as in it wasn't your intention to get turned on when viewing whatever you viewed, nor did you pause or go back to that moment - is that a sign of becoming better?

    I guess I'm trying to figure out where the line is drawn. Perhaps this is very individual. Most people here seem to think that any type of arousal is a bad thing and should be avoided at all cost but IMO arousal is a good thing, as long as it wasn't intentional (as in, you didn't seek it out), doesn't happen excessively and as long as it's not to porn or porn-like. Maybe that's only me?

    Becoming aroused to regular women surely must be a sign of returning to a more normal and healthy "arousal level" where you don't require extreme porn or even regular porn but just ordinary women. I thought that was the point of all this? :)

    Glad to hear it. Multiple times is not good. As I said, RSDMax suggested a maximum of one time per week just to let some steam off.
    Currently I can get hard with only stroking and without fantasizing - but after like 1 minute. I'm definitely not at the point of being able to get off in 30 seconds. Will need more abstaining! :)

    Nude scenes does not get you aroused at all? Or it doesn't trigger your urges to watch more nudity?

    Glad to hear it brother, good luck man!

    Thanks for this! Always helpful to see where others draw the line :)

    Sounds dangerous! :D
     
  5. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    It doesn’t trigger me into a sex crazed spiral.

    I feel the goal of recovery from sex addiction is to hav an appropriate relationship with our natural sexual urges. So yea, the scenes are definitely sexy, and definitely get me aroused, I can just more easily leave them where they’re at without spiraling our of control.

    Sex addiction seems to have a lot to do with my fit mental state. If I’m doing ok emotionally and mentally it’s all ok, but if I’m not for some reason (like last night for example), I start to crave sexual acts and PMO as a way to escape my problems or at the very least calm my nerves. So if I’m in a fit mental/emotional condition, then things won’t trigger me, but if I’m in a bad space mentally I am better off journaling and meditating to help me get through this. These are the dangerous moments.
     
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  6. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    If u really want to look at it you should treat it the same as porn weather or not it is. Finding things to look at that isn't porn is your brain trying to find a way to get its dopamine, its slowing the recovery. Ive struggled with this for a while, don't let a new habbit start.
     
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  7. vitatertot

    vitatertot Fapstronaut

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    As you progress your reaction will become more extreme to viewing pornography on accident. If you "accidentally" view porn, and stay on it and don't immediately close out of it, if you keep looking, even without MO, i'd count it as a relapse. I came close a couple of days ago, came across some stuff that wasn't nude but VERY sensual out of nowhere, and it was literally like a shot of adrenaline. My heart instantly started racing and as a reflex reaction I closed out of it. Imagine a chair falling out from underneath you. If that isn't your reaction to IMMEDIATELY close out of it, I'd count it as a relapse. Any extended amount of dopamine from exposure... not good.
     
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  8. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    So you completely reset the counter to day 1 after that?
     
  9. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Any photo/video that you're no longer interested in after orgasm.
     
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  10. It depends on the situation for me. This isn't a joke: Sometimes at the University, I've seen dudes open porn pages on their laptops right next to me and I didn't go home and relapse, it wasn't triggering either and since I only did notice it and look away, I didn't count that as a relapse either.
    I'd say the bottom line is staying true to yourself. If you look at something and notice that it hurts your recovery, e.g. my arousing you in a "bad" way or causing you to enter that "autopilot" mode and seek other material, then you should maybe avoid that. However, if watching a show with nudity in some episodes together with another person doesn't do you bad, then I don't see a problem there.
     
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  11. Quexx

    Quexx Fapstronaut

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    Just want to thank everyone for this great discussion! It's really eye-opening and heartwarming to see everyones' responses here :)

    Everything you say here resonates very well with how I perceive things as well.

    Being aroused when seeing something sensual/sexy is natural but not letting those feelings control you is the key here. And control here could for instance be the extreme cases where it causes you to MO or even PMO but also less extreme cases where it causes you to seek out more of that sensual/sexy thing (i.e. staying high on dopamine) but still not MO. Both of these cases are instances where you let your arousal control you.

    I've been doing a lot of mindfulness meditation lately and I understand now why people suggests it as a method of helping speed up recovery. It really helps you get "in tune" of your emotions and thoughts. It doesn't make them go away, it just makes you more aware of them and lets you take control of them instead of the other way around!

    As an example, I watched Jessica Jones for the first time yesterday to see what all the fuzz was about, not realising it was a fair bit of sensual/sexual things in it. I only got barely aroused but focusing on that feeling, I was able to control it so that it wouldn't spiral out of control. I don't want to hide from my emotions (in this case arousal).

    I truly feel that the way to heal and recover completely is not by covering it up, that will only lead to the feelings exploding later, but by acknowledging that the feelings are there but can't control you. THAT is power. Maybe more dangerous at first before you learn to control it but the way to learn is also by failing :)

    I hear you mate. I wasn't talking about "finding" things as in "seeking" it out, I was merely talking about accidental non-nude content popping up. As an extreme example of this; if you previously had a feet fetish while viewing porn, do you avoid going to shoe-stores where people take off their shoes and shows their feet? Or do you even avoid shopping shoes online?

    I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere where it's "acceptable" and where it's not. Seeking content out for the intent of getting aroused is obviously NOT acceptable. But accidental things that pops up while browsing or viewing TV or talking a walk in the city, is that acceptable? If not, you have to isolate yourself from everything and everyone - that is not my idea of recovering :/

    Definitely agree with everything here. I don't think accidental porn (as in real nude porn) viewing is very common though since it's not like they do advertising on regular non-porn websites. I was more thinking about the cases where it's not obvious that it's "porn". But I agree here, if it gets your heart pumping, you shouldn't prolong your exposure or linger your view on that thing.

    This was actually a very good way of thinking. I like it!
    Not always easy to know beforehand though... :)

    Very sensible way of thinking. I agree with everything here. Especially the part about staying true to yourself (and your emotions/feelings). Acknowledge them, know that they are there, but don't let them control you; you control them!
     
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  12. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    No you don't have to just cut yourself off. Its impossible to not ever get turned on but its the difference between just running into it and looking away or continuing to look for pleasure.

    You gave the example of a friend on Instagram posting a bikini pic. If you seek out that picture its a problem. If you run into and keep looking, its a problem.

    Just base it off context and your intentions in the moment.
     
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  13. Quexx

    Quexx Fapstronaut

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    Cheers mate, this seems to be in line with what most others here say. It's the intentions that matters.

    I agree with what you said about the Instagram picture. So basically, my reaction was that I saw it, continued scrolling to read description, then moved on. Didn't linger, didn't seek it out, didn't MO to it, didn't really let it bother me. It was just a picture of a friend on vacation, that's it. What she was wearing (or wasn't wearing) didn't matter :)
     
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  14. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Exactly! I’m learning that all my feelings are natural and it’s ok to have them, but my actions that follow dontbuave to happen. My therapist is teaching me all feelings pass, including sexual thoughts and feelings.

    Watching a tv show with a sex scene, feeling aroused, wanting more, but sitting there and doing nothing, meditsting, journaling about it, and not acting on it...then 2 days later you look back and think about its not a powerful moment anymore.

    About 10 years ago I had lung surgery because one of them popped. Long story...but basically it was intense pain, and a long recovery process I’ve about 2 months until I was feeling pretty normal. And now, 10 years later, it’s like it never happened... this same principle applies to our sexual urges or our other depressive emotions causing us to want to act out to feel better.

    Saturday night I truly felt the world was over. Life is too hard. Why am I denying myself pleasure when life sucks so bad...very depressed...huge urges to give up all the good I’ve done and relapse hard with PMO. Luckily I journaled m, prayed, reached out to others, cried a lot, and stayed sober... fast forward to today right now in this moment....it’s a distant memory and there’s no attachment to the pain, uncomfortableness, or intense need for PMO. So as my therapist tells me feelings aren’t oermamant and they will change. I just have to learn o believe that statement while in the moment so I don’t completly go off the rails every time I have these negative emotions.

    But this is what we have to remember about arousal also, these feelings will pass and if we give ourselves the opportunity to get through them without PMO relapse,we can start to learn this fact and overtime it will become easier.
     
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