What do do? I Need Help!

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Theultimatefighter_21, Jun 6, 2018.

  1. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Fapstronauts! (English isn't my first language, so i'm sorry for my bad grammar.)

    I Need help, really.
    I've been struggling with this problem (I call it a problem) since the beginning of the year. Well, let's get to the point now: There is a girl in the same class as me, she is really pretty, and a very great person to complement. The deal is: I'm starting to think that i like her.

    Everyday i'm living a struggle, and it's caused by her. I'm too shy and we are not very close, so i don't feel safe to approach, and this is killing me from the inside out. I've written a letter to her, and she readed it. Probably she doesn't knows it was me, but since then, i feel it's getting harder to spend the days in the same place as her. Everyday i'm trying to fight, but her influence on my soul is stronger, i can't fight because she is too powerful, i feel like she is "digging deeper on my being" each day.

    What can i do, please?!
     
    Air0 likes this.
  2. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man! Could you tell me some stuff about your pmo streak? Like has there been a lot of other triggers besides her? And how did you deal with those?
     
    Theultimatefighter_21 likes this.
  3. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    I have some other triggers as well, like loneliness, lack of friendships and boredom, and just like i said, i "try to fight" these urges, just ignoring them, supressing these toughts. But in the end, it's more like the bandage than the cure, and consequently doesn't works.

    PMO used to be a way to "unloose" these aspects. But soon i noticed it only makes everything worse, and i'm trying to stop. My loneliness and lack of relationships is the main cause of my PMO addiction.
     
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  4. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    Hmm, If I were you I would go for it. Try to get to know the girl in your class. The loneliness and sadness will come back whether it works out or not. That is the pmo talking. But I think trying to get to know her wouldn't be a bad idea. I wanted to see how you were doing with other triggers and I can tell that you have been fighting them well. Some last things, make sure you don't only depend on her for happiness and don't stress too much about it. Also you should totally talk to her about the letter! Keep me updated and I hope things go well!
     
    Theultimatefighter_21 likes this.
  5. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

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    First thing I will say may sound insensitive and cliche but you need to understand its said with a large sense of good will and the idea that the point of this is actually to attract the opposite sex.

    BE A MAN BRO.

    like I am not saying u need to act like an alpha male or u need to act like other guys. But get some confidence man, deal with ur shyness, get ur testosterone going. Read what you said and ask yourself if the girl you like would want to be with the guy that just said that.

    I get it though , i been there. And if u force urself to go up to this girl while ur literally still trying to get a hold of urself. She will not reciprocate and you will feel horrible and relapse thinking ur useless and there is no point. And even if she does say yes like if u cant handle this, how will u handle supporting her in a relationship. because u know women come with their own emotions and problems.

    So here is what u do. I will lay it out in steps for u but ur free to adjust it as u see fit.


    1. Get a grip. Take some cold showers, clear ur head do something.
    2. Get your nofap counter up. This will give u confidence and testosterone at least temporarily especially around day 7-8 , this might be a good window to try to talk to her if u think ur ready.
    3. Be honest, if ur honest u can be less nervous how it sounds or how it will be perceived. Speak with some inflection in ur voice. " Hey, do you have a moment? I wanted u to talk to u about something. I wanted to say that I wrote u that letter and I have a huge crush on you. I've been shy and secretive about it because I have been afraid of the outcome. You are (insert compliment here) nice and pretty. Im sure lots of guys ask u out but I'd love the chance to just get to know u better.
    4. If she rejects u and this is important. Ask her even at a later date or right after the reason why. If you had control over the outcome. As i posted in my last thread u cant put women on a pedastle and judge urself based on their judgement. There are a million reasons a woman would turn down a perfectly good guy. My gf is gorgeous, smart, latin and funny ... I have known her for about 3 years and we only been together like 6 months and there are about 3 times in the past where i just didnt ask her out and one time i sorta did in a shy way and then once i was on nofap she sensed the shift and she actually asked me out. We spoke about on one of our early dates why it took this long. There are like 10 valid reasons she did not consider me to be a good option for her at that time. Her mom was controlling so she wasnt dating but was ashamed to admit it, i lived a bit far, some other guys nearby liked her and new guys would be jealous etc. And only one or two of those were young girl shallow reasons. The rest was pretty valid and I didn't think that hard about it. But her out like 20-30 reasons were just im a worryer type girl.

    Ima put this in another thread but when u see a nice girl. Always ask yourself why is she single. Or better yet ask her. One of my best cold date pickup lines have been. Hey I been paying attention to u for a while. You speak intelligently, carry yourself gracefully and you are cute. I am seriously asking , I find it amazing you are single.

    Usually she wil lrespond in a flattered way, if a girl responds to that in a bitchy way well u got part of ur answer right there and u dont want to deal with that in a relationship. And thne u go I hear what ur saying , that makes sense. "Let me take you out this weekend. No pressure, i'd like to see what all these guys are missing out on."

    anyway like im saying this cuz i care, thats why i typed all this. Before u do or say anything to her. Get a grip on yourself. Get ur mind right.
     
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  6. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    You don't have to ask her out. I mean just talking to her first wouldnt hurt. Also I agree with shinsoo keeping up your no pmo streak will help!
     
  7. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    I'm doing somewhat of okay with the other triggers, and that's why i didn't relapsed yet. And thank you for this advice, i think it's worth a shot to try.

    But about the letter, i prefer not to tell, mostly because i felt huge regret for writing it. I shouldn't have done that.

    I'll try to do not stress, but i'm not sure of how long can i handle. It's like the feelings are "running from the full bucket."
     
  8. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this, man! And no, it didn't sounded insensitive or anything, in the reality, this is what i've been telling to myself all this time, to be a man. And i'm on NoFap for two reasons: Be free of PMO and learn to be a real man. I'm going to change completely from here. I think it might be nice if i tried to stop impressing her and instead, bring attention to my own self, because i do have some qualities that i could work with.

    Thank you, really.
     
  9. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    First, I have a question: what did your letter say?

    Second, she is not a trigger, she is a girl you love. Triggers are in your head. Don't treat her like an obstacle to your happy life, that's just faint-hearted. Instead, treat her like a human being, and treat your love/affection as a way to grow as a man.

    Ask her out. She may reject you, but read my story, maybe it will encourage you. Really, in your situation, you have nothing to lose. You're not with her, so if she rejects you, you still won't be with her, and the only thing you may lose is your comfort zone. And you probably know what people say about comfort zones. The whole NoFap thing is about getting out of comfort zones.

    Good luck.
     
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  10. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    I'll think about this, thank you for this advice.
     

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