What do I do when I get an urge?

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by runawayslave67, Dec 31, 2020.

  1. runawayslave67

    runawayslave67 Fapstronaut

    I've been fighting porn addiction for a long time. It has ruined my relationship with sex and masturbation. I want to quit permanently for the foreseeable future and create a life that isn't dependent on orgasm.

    I have the DESIRE to quit. Yet I feel like I am not in control of my actions because I give into urges. What can I do when I get an urge to ensure I NEVER give in? How can I confront urges without fear but look them in the face and say "no thank you."

    It hurts me that I want to retain my semen but I can't do it. Do I not want it badly enough? How do I not give into urges? How can I transmute the energy into better things? I've read many posts about it but nothing seems to work. Anybody have a similar issues and overcome them?

    bonus question - what are some affirmations i can use when i feel tempted?
    Toni7, TheDude240 and Silentlyasinner like this.
  2. Mrandersonfan87

    Mrandersonfan87 Fapstronaut

    I would say exercise would be a good idea until the urge is gone or have a cold shower if you don’t have access to shower wipe your face with cold water
    TheDude240 likes this.
  3. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    I start by identifying the feeling that makes me susceptible to these triggers. I check my pH balance if you were:

    P.H. B.L.A.S.T.
    Do I need to Pee?
    Am I Hurt?
    Am I Bored?
    Am I Lonely
    Am I Angry?
    Am I Stressed?
    Am I Tired?

    After I identify the contributing feeling I directly work on that. So I go pee instead of holding my nuts, or I sleep instead of staying up late on a screen. If I feel lonely I reach out to someone, if I'm bored I do something creative, etc. You get the picture.

    I have staved off many urges by feeding the underlying emotion causing it in a new healthy way.

    This is only a start, hope it helps. Good luck sir.
  4. Mrandersonfan87

    Mrandersonfan87 Fapstronaut

    That’s actually a good idea
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  5. runawayslave67

    runawayslave67 Fapstronaut

    I'll try these ideas guys. Thanks. Gonna get a good streak going
    Mrandersonfan87 likes this.
  6. Mrandersonfan87

    Mrandersonfan87 Fapstronaut

    That’s the spirit dude keep going
  7. metobefree

    metobefree Fapstronaut

    @runawayslave67 , you are trying to do two different and independent things: 1 get away from porn, 2 semen retention.
    Hm. My opinion on this is, you shouldn't couple both aims together. First get free from porn. This is possible, maybe there are setbacks, but you can do it. If you then still want to do semen retention, do it as this second step. This is harder to achieve and takes more time, I think.
    If you couple both together it is way more likely to fail at one point. And it is way harder to abstain from everything like orgasm or sexual pleasure at once. I think it would be very disappointing for you because semen retention is soooooo hard although you would have been able to get free from porn... go step by step.
    I understand your feelings, you want to get rid of all this shit. But this "shit" is natural and it's very deeply implanted into.your brain. It's not easy...
    Brahmacharya_UK likes this.
  8. Mrandersonfan87

    Mrandersonfan87 Fapstronaut

    He means sex is ok not masterbation so don’t use this as excuse to go jerk off
  9. Lumian

    Lumian Fapstronaut

    I'm gonna tell you some things that worked for me up until now. I noticed there is a whole holistic process to keep the balance. But regarding directly the transmutation of the semen... I recommend you do a simple practice of *Kundalini Yoga that brings the energy up your spine*. In the yogic sciences the sexual energy is called veerya and you transmute *veeryas into ojas*. Study the practice and experiment with *Brahmacharya*, also *Yoga* and *meditation*. This is essential.

    *Physical exercise* is important. Take care of the *food* that you eat. Avoid the best you can the things that stimulate your senses too much, like sugar, fat, drugs, internet... Be curious to understand the impact of food and other things on your body/mind/energy system. For example, I noticed that whenever I eat too much sugar, carbohydrates, cheese... Coffee, chocolate. Anything that feels "really good" to the senses, they have a strong influence and bind you to physical pleasure. I noticed that when I do it, it is because I'm feeling bad about something, whether I'm frustrated, stressed out, bored... Whatever you wanna call it.

    After that I see I'm still feeling horrible so I go to the last and bigger pleasure, and you know what it is... you have to remember that you only seek physical pleasure because you don't experience joy/love/peace naturally everyday, they are natural resources for your well being, but because you're living with some sick structures inside you and around you, you lost your joy and so on... So! Experiment with the science of bringing those things back to your life. If you are the kind that has a deep desire to seek, to understand, to know, and I think you are, you are going to go after the tools that may help you. It doesn't matter where they come from. If they work, that's all! Never forget what's essential.

    *Bring harmony to all areas of life the best you can*, clean your room, your house and organize everything, care about something bigger than yourself and give your energy to that process. The pain of others are a kind of disharmony, how can you help? *You have to forget about yourself* (or the idea you have about yourself), because... Remember, you created your problems one way or the other (consciously or not). Being a solution to the problems of others even if "small" are big happenings and also help you big time. Dishes to clean are a kind of disharmony, a habit that brings bad results is a kind of disharmony, use your energy to take care of that. See what is needed and what you can give. We give a lot of energy to fears and the things we don't want, so what to do? Look to the other side! Flip the coin. You can't take a sexual thought out of your head? That's normal, leave it alone, *give your attention to what you want.*

    These are your challenges, and you have to go towards them respecting your own pace. *Never forget about respect*. Instead of giving your energy and attention to your fears and limitations, *look for the solution and be devoted to the process* of feeding what you want for a longer period of time until it becomes your natural. Everything can be hard at the beginning until it is established, so... That's why it is important to really *decide*, make yourself up and go towards the direction you wanna go and keep going even if it feels like hell, because it does get better.

    *Express yourself creatively*, the energy you waste with sexual behavior is the same that gives you creativity as far as I've seen. You are a creative being, honor that.

    *Be in constant contact with nature the best you can*. Clean your elements. Feel the sun on your skin, breathe fresh air if you can, touch the earth with your bare hands and feet, and take care of the water. Remember always you are just a small part of a larger life that supports you.

    *Also allow yourself to feel everything*. Realize that a situation is already positive when you accept the negative of the moment and don't fight reality all the time. Feeling allows you to see and transmute. Let the river run, baby!

    *Know yourself*, whatever that means for you. If you want things to change you have to realize you're the center of your experience, so... Who are you?

    The hardest thing for me is to keep up the practice. You have to do something everyday. At the beginning it's like writing on beach sand, it lasts until the next wave comes. But with time, if you build a strong platform (your body, mind, emotions and energies) success is guaranteed, that's why it's important to go through everything and really devote to the process.

    Also, about the affirmation when having an urge... "How am I going to feel after?" (After ejaculating, watching porn, etc). I don't know if that defines as an affirmation but it helps to exercise reminding yourself that after the temporary pleasure you just feel the superficiality of what before was a great sensation. To give power to this sentence I recommend you perceive in yourself the after effects and do your research on the consequences of watching pornography and wasting your semen.

    Remember to go easy on yourself, it's okay to make mistakes, just don't let them define you and don't feed any guilt, just keep going because any effort is a progress! I wish you all the best.


    . Meditation
    . Yoga
    . Kundalini Yoga (that brings the energy upwards)
    . Brahmacharya (what is the practice?)
    . Physical Exercise
    . Food
    . Nature (four elements)
    . Accept your challenges
    . Keep Harmony Inside and Out
    . Creative Work
    . Forget About Yourself and Look Around
    . Respect and Feel
    . Decide and Devote to the Process
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2021
  10. ResetButton

    ResetButton Fapstronaut

    If you're going through hell, keep going
    BeezMeUp likes this.
  11. Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

    Evening Brother,

    Your post interested and inspired me. I like the metaphor you drew of the sand and the waves, and you reconfirming the need for sense-sensibility.

    For 3 months I was on a strong path, no pharma chemicals, no caffeine, very little sugar, no PMO. That is gone, for now. I built another path lasting one month. This went.

    I'm back at the beginning of a new path. I haven't been as strict with myself regarding sugar this time, and have eaten some deserts, but the principle of sense-sensibility determines that I scale this back.

    I have relapsed, and that is annoying, though I have not been harsh with myself, nor have my other addict friends. It is what it is, a maladaptive coping strategy that causes more harm than good.

    I'm certain it has affected my brain, my heart, my body (immune system) and general ability to cope with life. I feel ill now, whereas before, even though I was dealing with some bad news and painful situation, I was alot healthier.

    So these all feed into the question of "How will I feel after" - though I agree that when you are inside a massive urge and your brain wants ONLY ONE THING, the ability to stop, ask and answer that question is not always natural.

    So I totally agree that it is a process of doing these little things each day to keep the urges at bay. Having a plan for when an urge hits is also important, but it is better to fire proof your home than be running around putting out fires all the time.

    elmss and Lumian like this.
  12. captaincharisma

    captaincharisma Fapstronaut

    Thank you for this.
    Reverent likes this.
  13. Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

    Well you are struggling with Willpower in general, especially when you are trying to get clean from a long binge.
    - A positive affirmation, repeated again-and-again to yourself out-loud to counter the Out-of-control urge feeling... Something like, i.e.

    "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" "I am in Full Control" (You get the idea!)

    It sounds stupid, but I've been binging on P for a number of days, and decided that I will stop again. I woke up this morning with the most severe Brain-Fog and urges to act out again straight away, so I did the above many times today and I can honestly say that it helped me.

    When I get to tomorrow clean I will breathe a massive sigh of relief. Even with affirmations and will power and control, it is getting to the point of the evening where I would usually look at P and Act out. I've put things in place, but this cannot happen today. My brain needs a rest from this stuff and I would really love to be able to feel emotions again... Not just good positive emotions, but full range of emotions. Emotions is what makes us human and defines who we are.

    God bless to all NoFappers - may your urges be minimal, your motivation be high, and your acheivements great. Hallelujah !!
  14. runawayslave67

    runawayslave67 Fapstronaut

    Wow this thread really blew up. Thank you for your kind comments and suggestions. I'd like to update on my progress. I just had one of my all-time longest streaks using the affirmation "I effortlessly retain my semen." I tell myself this any moment I contemplate relapsing and I definitely started to see it was true. No thought or urge can make me relapse, only I can. I even went one day where I totally forgot about semen retention and that was great. Though the affirmation worked well, a night of insomnia brought me to relapse. I was in bed for about four hours, not able to sleep, and I lost my sense of reason. I find it is very easy to identify with my thoughts when I'm lacking sleep in a dark room for what feels like forever. Today was my first day of class and I was brought down by depressive thoughts that I'll never beat this addiction. I binged on P to the point that my D started bleeding. I was so fed up tonight. I realized many of my relapses take place when I can't go to bed so I'm going to stay busy or read until I feel tired. I wrote PMO on a piece of paper tonight in huge letters and set it to flames outside my bedroom window. I'm officially done with this. I am in control.

    I found creating, or just doing, helped me channel my energy in a healthy way. I recorded a song and it was one of the best I've done yet. I have trouble keeping a healthy diet but I'm sure things would get much easier if I watched what I eat.

    Thanks you guys.
  15. runawayslave67

    runawayslave67 Fapstronaut

    It seems like you still believe there is pleasure to be found in watching porn. Think about how illogical it is. Why are you trying to quit something you enjoy? If you enjoyed it, why would you want to quit? I like playing guitar and I don't want to quit that. Try reading https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155 it helped me a lot personally, though it isn't a panacea.

    Yes the porn is relieving. But the only thing it is relieving is the withdrawals from not having it in your system. By relapsing, you are only creating new urges for the future. The only way to stop urges is to stop feeding them. I suggest you adopt the mindset of someone who isn't an addict. You need to believe you have already beat it. Your recent relapse is over, you are already through with porn. I hope this doesn't trigger anyone but I'm about to give you a controversial piece of advice. Try watching the porn without MOing if your streak is recently over. Watch it and notice how it makes you feel. Stay present and don't fantasize about anything. The only way to PMO is by placing yourself in a sexual fantasy. If you stay present, don't fantasize, and see the porn for what it is... you'll see it is just a video. It's your mind's ability to place yourself in imaginary situations that helps you get off to porn. If anyone is on a streak already, don't try this. This is only for people who have already relapsed.

    THOUGHT leads to EMOTION leads to ACTION.

    do not FEAR porn.

    Last week, I was watching a movie by one of my favorite directors. Unbeknownst to me, it had maybe like 10 sex scenes. It was a little triggering but I reminded myself that quitting doesn't have to be difficult, it is 100% mental. I was able to watch the entire film, trying my best to skip the scenes, without relapsing at all. This was because I kept a calm attitude towards the content.

    If you react to porn with fear or excitement, your blood will start pumping and your animalistic tendencies will take over. Tell yourself "I effortlessly retain my semen" or "I see no value in porn" or "I am in full control" etc. whatever helps counter the thought. Don't be scared of urges. They can't make you do anything.

    I've come to a major realization. We can't keep running away from our urges. Do you want to quit for the rest of your life? One can't keep drowning himself in workouts and cold showers because those things won't always be there. If you realistically want to quit forever, you will one day need to sit with an urge and accept it. You just need to grit your teeth and say "no." If you know you can withstand any urge and see no value in PMO, you will never relapse again. I hope you read this post before it gets taken down. I hope it makes sense and I wish you well on your journey. Please PM me if you need any advice, help, or someone to talk to. I think I'm done with this and I hope we can all be done with this. My dream is to one day not have to ever come back on these forums ever again because I have no need to PMO. I hope.
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2021
    elmss and Lumian like this.
  16. Lumian

    Lumian Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the link and the advice. I know you are 100% right when you say it's all mental, we just have to remember that and decide what we want to feed in our minds.

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