What do I even do? What am I supposed to do?

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Hannah12269, Apr 6, 2018.

  1. Hannah12269

    Hannah12269 Fapstronaut

    I’m reposting what I’ve posted on another thread because, honestly, it’s just too painful to lay it all out there again. I’m sobbing just writing this because I’m so scared my boyfriend is damaged beyond repair. I have no problem with queer lifestyle, as I’m bisexual myself, I’m just so worried that someone’s conditioned and done damage to his mind. Please, read on:

    “Sissy Porn.

    My boyfriend is in to sissy porn, and that’s not all.

    Before we start this, I want to say that I have no intention on leaving my boyfriend. He is the most positive influence in my life, but I’m truly scared for him after learning how dangerous sissy porn and the lifestyle that comes with it is. I don’t now know what to do. I have no idea what I should be doing to help him orsupport him. Sometimes, he tells me that he hates that he likes this. That he hates himself. Other times, he tells me he loves it.

    Before I begin, this post mag be VERY triggering. I’m sorry for that.

    He told me his story about a year ago. He had a girlfriend— we’ll call her Sue —that slowly brought him into this world. First, a finger. Then, a littlefurther; toys, a funny little kink shewas hiding, etc. Then, she added on the layers— I’m not sure of the order.Panties, trans porn, strapons, Gay porn, asking to have threesomes withmen (that never happened), feminization, all leading up to full on sissy hypno. She was truly a monster. She took pleasure out ofsystematically braking him, and bragged about how she loved to do it to boyfriends. She used illegal methods to alter his state of mind, but I don’t have to tell you guys that. I’m not a violent person. I’ve never committed a crime.

    If I had the chance, I’d kill this woman. Maybe I wouldn’t. I don’t know. But I’ve never felt that wayabout anyone before.

    Anyway, they broke up, obviously. I don’t know what happened in the time in between her and me, but I’m not sure he ever truly shook the habit. He’s deep down the tumblr rabbit hole. He’s trolled chatrooms and message boards. He, doing one of the hardest things he’s every done in his life, told me all of this. He expressed his need for it, and hoped I would be on board with trying to experimentwith him. Strapons, and eventually, the entire sissy/mistress thing. I’mnot vanilla, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was something dangerousabout what it all was, especially after hearing him talk about his his ex did it. Still, I’m a supportive girlfriend, soI tried.

    His insecurity about it is what led usto where we are now. He felt like I wasn’t into it, interested, or liked it atall. How could I, he thought. He felt,and still feels, a thick layer of shame about the entire idea of sissydom, and he stared talking to a mistress onSnapchat. He sent her pictures, talked to her, got his fix elsewhere. When I found out, we had another long talk.In a way, I somehow understood. I felt hurt, and cheated on, but something just told me that this wasn’t about me at all. This was— itstill is —something way deeper. SinceI’m here, I obviously didn’t leave him.I love him. I’m trying to support him, but I don’t know how to do it.

    I saw a sissy recovery group on redditironically when I was looking for a support group to help accept a significant other’s kinks. Funny, huh? After reading story after story, they allstarted to sound the same; vulnerable, impressionable, andmanipulated. I saw how dangeroussissydom was, and how horrible anddamaging the hypno was. I was terrified. I’m still terrified, and I don’t know what to do.

    So I told him about it. I told him, “I support you no matter what. We’re in this together, but did you know there’sa way to recover?” I asked him to hear me out and keep an open mind.

    He isn’t ready to give it up. He feels like he just convinced me to explore with him.

    I don’t even know what to say after that. Someone, please help me help him. I know, I know. You can’t helpsomeone that doesn’t want it. Buthow can I stand by if what happenedto him is truly damaging? It would be one thing if he did it on his own... but someone used techniques designed tobreak him down and reprogram him to hurt him. He feels like this is truly who he is and being a sissy is a part of him, and I don’t know if that’s true or not. What do I do? What CAN I do. Ilove my boyfriend. I’m going to marry him. I just don’t want to hurt him by supporting something that I maybeshouldn’t be. Someone, please helpme out here.

    A little background. I’m 28, and my boyfriend and I have been livingtogether for a year now. We’ve knowneach other for the longest time; sincewe were children.”

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