What do you do when you live with worst enemy?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by JJTorres, Jul 20, 2018.

  1. JJTorres

    JJTorres Fapstronaut

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    My worst enemy being my older brother(33yrs.). He's very inmature, cynic, sarcastic, vulgar AND taunts me everyday at least twice with hurtful words of despisement.

    Unfortunately i live with him under the same roof and have to endure all that on top of my partial-depression and partial-despair.

    What do i do? (Besides forgiving him)
     
  2. That's tough when your in those situations what I have learned from dealing with bullies and people who are a pain to be around is this, there words only hurt you if you beleve them to be true also look at the person saying them, Don't listen to your brothers judgmental and negive additude its just his inner fears coming out. When you like yourself and don't judge yourself its easy to laughf at these type of people work on not judgeing yourself . When your brother finds out your not taking him serious and his words are having no effect on you he will drop it
     
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  3. AlphaReborn

    AlphaReborn Fapstronaut

    What you experience is nothing compared to mine, I have an Abusive Father. He always wretches me everyday. I have conditioned to him. Now I have a stronger mind. Take the life with your brother as a lesson. Condition your mind to withstand those hits. Your pain now will be the power of your future. Don't hate him. Once you reach a level, you will see past faces and see good in everything around me and you. These little human emotions are temporary. Search for the Truth in everything. When you want something, just reach for it and grab it.
     
  4. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    Hmm. All these comments about forgiveness.
    I was gonna say learn Jiu-Jitsu and choke him out when he gets annoying. But that would be wrong
     
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  5. AlphaReborn

    AlphaReborn Fapstronaut

    It isn't a masculine trait to fight without aggression IMHO
     
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  6. DeludedSoul

    DeludedSoul Fapstronaut

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    Tell him upfront that you are getting hurt by his behavior. Please don't suppress your emotions. His intentions might not be bad. He must know that his actions are causing you pain.
     
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  7. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    If he is 33 I imagine you are an adult. You have a choice to live with him or to leave. Having this kind of stress is toxic and I truly believe leaving is the best option. "Forgiving" him will only invite others to do the same in your life. If you brother is a dickhead, he is just like any other dickhead on the street except for the history. History does not equal "you owe him forgiveness and love." Don't let them get close or forgive them or they will undermine you to the core. I'm not saying be bitter or let them live in your mind forever of course. I left my parents because they did the same.
     
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  8. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I can understand it
    There is a line "a person himself is his biggest enemy and Biggest friend"
    His words or even his physical abuse can't damage you much as you yourself can
    So it's better to ignore him.....it it just his way of living life.... which is wrong
    And I myself try my best to avoid anger towards anyone..... Because it affects me
    Though sometimes I fail......and I imagine myself beating the crap out of them......which can only be in my mind..... because I am not physically strong or threatening
     
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  9. Jack of Clubs

    Jack of Clubs Fapstronaut

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    Are you an adult or are you living with family as a teenager?
     
  10. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    The very reason that we have anger is for self-protection. If we did not get angry, we would let people walk all over us and control our lives. By suppressing anger you suppress your most self-preserving emotion. I am not talking about vengeful and destructive rage - that is what comes out when you hold anger in for too long.
     
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  11. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you
    But my past experience with pmo and bullying....... isolation......has made me a non confronting person
    I fear what if this result in a physical fight....
    And sometimes when we ignore others it gives them a message that we are not affected by them
    You could understand me better if you know me in person and my complete story with bullies and anxiety....
    That's why I channelise this weakness in learning combat arts like mma, boxing(from Youtube)
     
  12. JouleTrader

    JouleTrader Fapstronaut

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    Get a job, move out, go learn some skillz.
    E.g. working as a welder on an oil rig nets you some SERIOUS moolah.
     
  13. JJTorres

    JJTorres Fapstronaut

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    Pray-1
    Ignore-3
    Dont hate him, use it for your good-1
    Confront him-1
    Leave house-2
    Get a job-1

    So ignoring him wins, thatll be hard and needs maturity but ill move forward.
     
  14. Starke

    Starke Fapstronaut

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    Beat the shit out of him, don't consider options like "forgiving" till you know the difference between accepting and enabling.
     
  15. Abysmal habit

    Abysmal habit Fapstronaut

    I'll give you my take on how i deal with the closest people to me who are extremely toxic hoping that it helps you ! :
    Long story short , my father's family is a conservative family that is used to marriage between cousins and families ( My father was at the time a university student in the capital city of my country , therefore he got out of that mindset and despised incest) After he married my mother and has us me and my brother , we always suffered from their bullying and my father being the first son of his family he didn't do anything about it , after spending time in self improvement forums and similar stuff i found out that the best model of operation in these kind of situations is to never repress yourself!
    You must never provoke , But in front of a challenge never back down.
    And something additional that i found out helped me a lot is Working out and Combat sports , right now whenever i'm in a room with them i'm never scared to say what's on my mind and to call them out on their bullshit because i'm confident if Shit hits the fan and it turns physical i could tear them down.
    I know this sounds very violent and bad , but this is what got me peace of mind and cured me of many thing ! I hope it helps you!
     
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  16. DeludedSoul

    DeludedSoul Fapstronaut

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    Emotions when suppressed become poison and come up in the form of disease physical or mental. It also leads to substance addictions. Hence never suppress your emotions. Learn to constructively express them. Learn about Assertiveness and you will know what to do.
     
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  17. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    I understand because I am the same way. I have never been in a fight in my life because I became very good at diffusing anger due to my childhood. I also displaced anger with porn and other bad habits unconsciously. Naturally I now face the side affects of being an adult without anger - it is hard to stand up for myself in nonviolent situations. It is hard to get angry about it as well. It is hard to get angry about this fckin porn addiction and take the steps necessary every day to fix it.

    You will of course feel anxiety when you choose to not be passive. When you were a kid, what happened when you stood up for yourself? What would happen if you said, "fuck off, this isn't what I want." I bet you would have had a very unpleasant experience and that is exactly what this anxiety is reminding you of. Naturally (no fault of your own) you learned to be a non-confrontational and forgiving child. It was a survival mechanism to make your life livable. Now that you are older (i assume) can you picture yourself with a healthy anger standing up for yourself? I've started to make some small steps towards this and it is really pretty tame.
     
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  18. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I have been in few fights untill I turned 16.....
    But those fights were not that intense....
    My last fight was in October 2010.....and it was against my friend .. .whose physical joke angered me.....when I responded......he went berserk......at that point I realized my defense mechanism.....I pushed him so hard that he fall on the chair on which he was sitting.....
    But I did that only to stop the fight....
    And physically we both were with equal strength
    My scenario is different....
    I started getting bullying when I turned 16....and my pmo was at peak.....
    In my graduation years I encountered several bullies.....who were really dangerous.....
    One of them family background was of politicians and his uncle's were accused murders......so naturally I was scared of him
    That incident made me think that if I am avoiding a fight against strong then I should also avoid fighting weak people.......
    And some of my inner anger was calmed down by religion.....
    I believe forgiving someone when you have the potential to take revenge is the real strength.......now I leave everything on Almighty...... Because I have even seen my bullies getting their a** whopped by someone else .... Which solidifies law of karma.....
    Yes you are right......see we should stand against anything which is wrong......but in a calm manner....
    I don't shout.. I calmly tell the other person that they are wrong....
    Channelising anger is more important......anger is not a good thing.. . Lack of knowledge causes anger......
    Anger blinds our vision
    Have you seen UFC.......there is a fighter name rose namajunas......she doesn't get angry.... Even in face offs she recite Lord's prayer........this helps her to utilize her brain in fight
    And the best step I have took in this direction is to watch combat videos....and I am really interested in learning mma or boxing in coming years
     
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  19. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    What you speak of is rage. Anger is not abusive. It is self-preserving.

    If you believe in god (I couldn't quite tell) would you tell him that his perfect human creation has a flaw called "anger?" Even god himself in the bible was angry many, many times.

    Anyway I don't see the point in arguing about the necessity of a human emotion that either developed over hundreds of thousands of years or was created by god. It is a little strange to try to ignore it imo. If you are rageful, you have not dealt with your anger or someone else's anger has been put into you. This book explains more about how that works.

    Rage leads to crime and it is pretty clear that child abuse is causally linked to crime as a side note. So instead of trying to stop anger, maybe we could try to stop child abuse? Not being facetious, it is an honest idea.
     
  20. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Yes.... sometimes anger is necessary.....but anger should be constructive not destructive
    For example there is a guy who is making fun of me.....the way I walk ...and all
    Now I am angry......there are two options
    1. I will confront him and involved in a physical fight with him.....and I will just turn into a complete animal
    2. I will get angry and frustrated but then I will utilize that anger to improve my walking style..... I will Google various methods on how to walk gracefully
    Yes.....god also got angry......but his anger his justified most of the times
    But this same god also has suffered a lot....in order to set an example to people
    Jesus went through a lot.....even prophet Muhammad was bullied by his own uncles
    And Lord Krisha was insulted in a assembly full of Kings
    Yes ....we should stop child abuse
    I am strictly against these sexual crimes against women and children.....specially little girls
    If I was dictator of a country ....I would have "utilized' my anger in making strong laws against such offenders
     

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