What do YOU do when you're feeling urges?

W

We CAN Do This!

Fapstronaut
This last week has been really difficult, and I'm interested to hear what you guys do when you feel you're about to relapse.

When I'm about to relapse, my brain blocks out all positive thoughts, and no matter how hard I try to remember, I forget all of the reasons to carry on and it's so annoying.

So, how do you guys prevent relapses and carry on?
 
Not sure really. I have had some thoughts today and yesterday. They tended to be imagining real life scenarios, where I might meet a nice girl (a more realistic situation than porn). But I did start to feel a bit turned on. I also started physically reacting to it. TBH I really just ignored it. It did go away! But i think that because this was a realistic scenario, and not an unrealistic porn based fantasy as I would have had before, the immediate urge to masturbate wasn't as severe.

I have really found my main thing so far has been looking after myself, and genuinely believing (I have never done this before) that I am better than this! This really only started when I started to look after myself above everything else. I found I really really like getting fit, I have a pic of Daniel Craig as James Bond with the DB5 in the background on my desktop background, and when I think about porn, I look at this and think, 'Would he do this?'.

I think you just gotta visualise really vividly where you wanna be, get some pictures, or items that show where you want to get to, and when that urge comes, which it will, look at your object, focus, visualise, and really live that goal.
 
I've got a couple dogs. Any time urges strike, I try to take them out for an hour-long walk or so. If it's during the daytime, I'll try to get to a dog park or another place where people with dogs congregate. The exercise and socialization help to kill urges.

I like @gingeralan's idea of posting motivational pictures. Similarly, I find that it's important to have clearly written out goals which are posted in a number of easily visible places. When urges strike, look to them and think carefully about which specific behaviors are going to allow you to obtain these goals, and which behaviors are going to hinder you from obtaining them. Will indulging in PMO prevent you from achieving those goals? It probably will, so don't give in. Do you think that people who achieved similar goals in the past sat around looking at porn? I highly doubt it, so don't give in.

Anyhow, I know how tough it can be, so don't get too upset about past failures. Just keep going, stay motivated, and you'll overcome.
 
gingeralan said:
Not sure really. I have had some thoughts today and yesterday. They tended to be imagining real life scenarios, where I might meet a nice girl (a more realistic situation than porn). But I did start to feel a bit turned on. I also started physically reacting to it. TBH I really just ignored it. It did go away! But i think that because this was a realistic scenario, and not an unrealistic porn based fantasy as I would have had before, the immediate urge to masturbate wasn't as severe.

I have really found my main thing so far has been looking after myself, and genuinely believing (I have never done this before) that I am better than this! This really only started when I started to look after myself above everything else. I found I really really like getting fit, I have a pic of Daniel Craig as James Bond with the DB5 in the background on my desktop background, and when I think about porn, I look at this and think, 'Would he do this?'.

I think you just gotta visualise really vividly where you wanna be, get some pictures, or items that show where you want to get to, and when that urge comes, which it will, look at your object, focus, visualise, and really live that goal.
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Believe it or not, I used to do the exact same thing! I'd use Daniel Craig as a role model to make myself a better person, and it worked for a while too :D

Thanks for replying :)
 
Got to Overcome said:
I've got a couple dogs. Any time urges strike, I try to take them out for an hour-long walk or so. If it's during the daytime, I'll try to get to a dog park or another place where people with dogs congregate. The exercise and socialization help to kill urges.

I like @gingeralan's idea of posting motivational pictures. Similarly, I find that it's important to have clearly written out goals which are posted in a number of easily visible places. When urges strike, look to them and think carefully about which specific behaviors are going to allow you to obtain these goals, and which behaviors are going to hinder you from obtaining them. Will indulging in PMO prevent you from achieving those goals? It probably will, so don't give in. Do you think that people who achieved similar goals in the past sat around looking at porn? I highly doubt it, so don't give in.

Anyhow, I know how tough it can be, so don't get too upset about past failures. Just keep going, stay motivated, and you'll overcome.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice, really handy!

Writing out goals and achievements is something I've been meaning to do for a while. I did have some written on my desktop screen on my laptop, and looking at them genuinely prevented a couple of relapses, so yes, definitely something I'll try again :D
 
MarinoBigFan1984 said:
Constant movement to me is simply avoidance behavior. Have to learn how to handle urges while still.
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Learning to do that would be really handy, because that way you can learn to control urges without having to stop working or doing whatever you're doing, and you can simply ignore urges in the comfort of your own control.

Thanks for the reply :)
 
There's usually slight anxiety or aggression when this happens to me, so I take slow, controlled breaths to take advantage of the adrenaline rush to act on what I actually have to do.

The key is not to get locked up ("Uh, do I? Should I?) and divert that energy to "what do I have to now?" and then do it without hesitation.

Hesitation is motivated by doubt. Action is motivated by confidence. The more you add up these moments of action (vs. non-action) throughout the day and week, the more confidence builds and you start diverting your reward seeking behavior to activities that are immediately gratifying rather than guilt inducing.
 
t-rone said:
There's usually slight anxiety or aggression when this happens to me, so I take slow, controlled breaths to take advantage of the adrenaline rush to act on what I actually have to do.

The key is not to get locked up ("Uh, do I? Should I?) and divert that energy to "what do I have to now?" and then do it without hesitation.

Hesitation is motivated by doubt. Action is motivated by confidence. The more you add up these moments of action (vs. non-action) throughout the day and week, the more confidence builds and you start diverting your reward seeking behavior to activities that are immediately gratifying rather than guilt inducing.
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That's really well explained, thanks for the advice :)
 
We CAN Do This! said:
That's really well explained, thanks for the advice :)
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No problem, man. It gets easier because you'll realize that urge is actually a good thing when you practice diverting your focus to what you need done. You'll basically rewire yourself to have the same urge but for more productive stuff. Same feeling, just without the anxiety and guilt ;)
 
It depends on when they occur and what I'm doing. If it's when I have some down time and it may have been a time in the past that I would M because of boredom, I try to engage in one of my projects around the house (wood working, repair here and there, etc.). A focused mind elsewhere is not succumbing to urges.

If it occurs when I encounter a trigger in everyday life (grocery store, work, etc.), then I just try to think about something else. This is tough sometimes.
 
On earlies this morning, just woke up, bloody hell, I really felt like I wanted to masturbate. I thought I would just post on here instead, and listen to some more of my new Scooter Album. Seems to be helping reduce the urges!

Funny thing, the brain. This whole porn thing is so ingrained. I got a few things planned today after work, so hopefully this is not going to be a difficult day. I do find music to be quite an effective way to divert attention, I was a big Scooter fan when I was younger, so I think it kinda helps put me in a more positive frame of mind.

Not really any worthwhile points here, just had to distract myself!
 
gingeralan said:
On earlies this morning, just woke up, bloody hell, I really felt like I wanted to masturbate. I thought I would just post on here instead, and listen to some more of my new Scooter Album. Seems to be helping reduce the urges!

Funny thing, the brain. This whole porn thing is so ingrained. I got a few things planned today after work, so hopefully this is not going to be a difficult day. I do find music to be quite an effective way to divert attention, I was a big Scooter fan when I was younger, so I think it kinda helps put me in a more positive frame of mind.

Not really any worthwhile points here, just had to distract myself!
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I'm same.. every time I can't go out to do errands (i.e. weather's awful, etc), I stay here at home and log on to this website if I have urges. Reading the posts really help reduce my urges.

Otherwise, I usually get up and walk around or drive around my town to a park to play a basketball or just read a book.

If the urges are really bad, I go out and exercise really HARD to the point where I deliberately make my body really exhausted where I can easily be knocked out to sleep within few minutes. This is the last resort.
 
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