What do you notice when not masturbating?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Going To Heal, Jul 27, 2016.

  1. Going To Heal

    Going To Heal Fapstronaut

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    It's my first post and I am new here as you can see and have decided to join due to my experience starting a week ago. Now, be prepared as this may be long but I would appreciate any help and responses please :)

    So, 8 days ago I went on holiday and skipping straight to the point, I didn't masturbate at all until yesterday. A day after I came back off of holiday. Now the problem is, I felt so much better with myself on holiday, especially towards the end and had no idea until I came across this site that this could be the reason, which explains why I felt better towards the end. During the 5th-7th days I noticed women looking up and down at me and my mate even said three times on separate occasions during the latter days that he spotted the women checking me out.

    I also noticed this so I knew he wasn't lying either which I found awesome considering I never get these looks. I usually look away when a women catches me looking at her aswell but on holiday, I had the confidence to keep looking and there was times where the eye contact would last longer than the usual eye contact and I even got a cheeky wave from the one (this was on the 5th day and I didn't act on it unfortunately). I love this new confidence as it wasn't pretend. I was having conversations without feeling awkward and didn't mind having to talk to new people (like before I would ask someone to order me something so I didn't have to speak myself).

    Now, my question is, what happens the longer you abstain from PMO? What do you notice happens to you exactly? I am going to go however long I can without PMO'ing as I want to see if it is porn/masturbation which is stopping me from fulfilling my boxing dream, learning spanish and most of all, speaking to women.
     
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  2. Les_Brown

    Les_Brown Fapstronaut

    As a powerlifter, I can relate to your desire to excel at boxing. I find that I have much more physical and mental energy when I don't PMO. As you stated, one's confidence often increases, while anxiety in social environments decreases. You become much more cognizant of your surroundings and your mind becomes sharper at processing information.

    Will you all of a sudden become a Spanish-speaking-pussy-magnet? No, not by any means. However, abstinence from PMO provides you with a greater sense of self-control, and hence, a more nuanced purpose in life. You become more motivated to pursue your goals; thus, you are more likely to achieve them. Personally, I do not believe abstaining from PMO is the solution to all problems in life. However, I will say that over the past couple months, I have not felt as invigorated as do I right now with my 2 week streak. My longest streak was over a month, and yes, I did experience "eye-fucking" from beautiful women. Some women will continue to ignore you regardless of whether or not you engage in PMO. Although, as your self-confidence increases, you begin to exhibit a more vibrant energy that attracts women and mandates respect from men.

    The journey of abstinence from PMO will be filled with fatigue, depression, mood swings, headaches, overpowering urges, and undesired relapses. However, if you are willing to put in the effort and maintain a positive attitude, you will be more likely to succeed in life. Good luck.

    --Les Brown
     
  3. Going To Heal

    Going To Heal Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply and information Les Brown. I am willing to leave PMO behind as I have now realised that it is the source of some of my problems in life. I now realise that when I am bored, instead of PMO'ing to fill that time, I can use that time to face my problems which will make me a better person in the long run. I love signature under what you wrote where it says about PMO being your enemy and not your friend because it does indeed feel like it is the other way around; however that is only in the short run. I'm looking forward to what this journey brings but I know it will be a struggle. The urges is what I will really struggle with. I'm fine until the point when I am fully hard, that's when I know it will be a fight so is there any ways to prevent that from happening?

    Thanks
     
  4. Les_Brown

    Les_Brown Fapstronaut

    I will be very explicit with you because I don't like to bullshit people. Regardless of your actions or thoughts, you will have to deal with urges throughout your recovery from PMO. These urges will predominate during the first week or two when abstaining from PMO, however, they may continue (albeit with a lower magnitude/frequency) for months into your journey.

    You may decrease the frequency of urges by preventing yourself from becoming horny. I would advise you to practice "hardmode." Avoid your triggers, avoid viewing sexually stimulating images or videos (even if they are not considered P). Do not touch your penis unless you are bathing or peeing.

    Even on hardmode, urges will confront you habitually. I would advise you to acknowledge the presence of that urge as quickly as possible and then conquer it. You may defeat an urge by meditating, taking a cold shower, engaging in physical exercise, etc. Urges seem to arise more frequently when you are alone at home and bored out of your mind. So, I would advise you to avoid sitting home all day.

    An urge is evidence that PMO is craving your attention. You may either satisfy the will of PMO, or you may satisfy the will of your soul by choosing to abstain. Just remember that regardless of how strong the urge feels, you ALWAYS have a choice to defeat it. Good luck!
     
  5. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    My tolerance for bullshit has been very low lately. I start to develop boundaries. I am willing to walk away if the situation calls for it. My self defense mechanism and self preservation protocol have gone way up. I used to linger around for too long. Now I immediately look for new venues to break the rut. Taking more risks and generating more ideas. I began to sense and feel much more of my surroundings and people around me. Plus I also start to feel the music I am listening to as opposed to just listening. For that I am much more fired up with my workouts.

    I am sure there is much more down the road. All of this for not playing with myself for some 130 days. LOL.
     
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  6. TrueHuman

    TrueHuman Fapstronaut

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    Back when I was at 200+ days. I was simply alpha. Every girl would be looking at me. They all wanted me (srs).
    Also my thing was so sensitive thT sex would feel amazing
     
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  7. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Oh almost forgot talking about the aspect of women. They were always there. They always come to chat up if we see each other regularly. This was even before I went on reboot/rewire mode. What changed much lately is that as I get out more and do more stuff I am now surrounded by much more women than previously. So I don't focus on one or a few and limit myself. My social circle has truly expanded. Because of that I am also exploring and appreciating my city much more than before. Finding new cool places to eat as I don't like popular corporate food chains.

    Don't know where this might lead to social wise but it has been quite fun as of late especially this is summer time. So if a date or crush does not work out no biggie I have more options. Once you confidently genuinely carry that around people will sense that especially women.
     
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  8. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    Great posts by the way. Let's face it, both women and men want to be with attractive partners. I don't know when was the last time a guy/girl said "I wash I can find the fattiest and most unhealthiest partner ever."

    Some guys fall into this category of becoming unsexy physically and mentally and wonder why they can't get a hot girl to show her off to his circle of friends. I have a really good friend and he does the talk of going to the gym, working out, and eating right. He maybe goes once a week and his diet is poor. He is 40lbs over weight and he bends over back wards for women. He wines them, dines, them, and lends them money. At the end he may get something or not. And he is left empty afterwards. And yes he is heavily involved in porn watching. He does not take care of himself and wants some hot girl to be with him so he can use her to feel good about himself and his net worth.

    Then I have another friend who runs marathons. I don't have to tell you that this guy does not have a shortage of women who want to spend time with him.

    The point I'm trying to make is this: take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Smart and sexy women want guys who are strong, have a career, and so on.

    I'm in that journey as we speak. I started working out hard 2 months ago and lost 15 lbs and plan to lose another 15. I have been noticing that more and more women check me out now that my stomach is not as big as before. It's a journey and I want to become an amazing man!!!
     
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  9. SpotlessMind24

    SpotlessMind24 Fapstronaut

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    hi just watch this video, you will understand

     
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  10. Going To Heal

    Going To Heal Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the replies guys. This forum is so helpful and supportive mainly because we are all here for the same reason. It just makes it alot easier knowing people are giving you there support and help whilst still being on their own journey. Spotless mind, I will watch that video after this post and will give you feedback on it.

    I am 18 and still a virgin. I say still because the majority of people my age nowadays don't have that title anymore. Not that I am bothered still being a virgin; it's just I want to know if the reason I still am one is because of my PMO cravings contributing to the social anxiety that I have with people (I have it with both males and females but it's worse with women).
     
  11. SpotlessMind24

    SpotlessMind24 Fapstronaut

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    Budy, going on nofap for a long period will open your mind about virginity. You will understand losing virginity must be with the person you love/wanna be with, not a random one. Probably you didnt find it yet. So being virgin is not a shame brah. Besides when u will find your woman you can give her all the best. Your future girl(if she is not a *****) will like you even more if she will know she is your first. You know is a setimental thing brah.
    Never feel ashamed becouse you are a virgin, its not a bad thing, even more it can make you special.

    But remember PMO will make your brain fog, and sexuality will be on your first stages of your thinking, you will look at girl as an object, not being able to make a spiritual relation with a girl. And this is the most important thing into a healthy relationship.

    Just try at least 30 days, after even if you will fall you will never be the same, and NoFap will make you happier then PMO, and you will go for it stronger and stronger.

    Thats what happen to me.

    Best of all.
     
  12. if I can not make 90 days at first. for sure I will do 30 days!!!!! on this set!!!!!!!
     
  13. Sleeping_Beauty

    Sleeping_Beauty Fapstronaut

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    Girl here, and I agree. I would feel so happy knowing my man had abstained completely before me. I would still accept him if he hadn't, but that's if he has come to a new understanding about sex, and knows it should be with someone he loves and wants to commit to for life. Just my opinion.
     
  14. NooseAnchor

    NooseAnchor Fapstronaut

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    I have experienced a number of benefits on various streaks. This year alone I've had at least one 10-14 day streak each month because I'm finally determined to tackle this addiction once and for all. Back in 2012 I even made it to 30 days once. But I have to tell you, the benefits are almost always amazing (more about this in my closing paragraph). Where do I even begin...

    One thing I notice every single time is that all of a sudden all these proactive ideas start popping up in my head. For instance, on my last streak earlier this month I finally bought a bike and got into cycling and swimming. And doing some cardio after all these years gives me such a pleasure that I'm almost moaning and groaning as I breathe in deeply and get all exhausted and sweaty. The streak before that I bought a camera and got into photography. So new hobbies are definitely something to look out for. They are coming for you. Which brings me to the next benefit, which is improved decision-making. You no longer think back and forth, you just start doing things. Which leads to the fourth benefit: You get out of your head and start living. Other benefits I've noticed are almost magical. You get such a positive outlook on life in general that all depression, (social) anxiety, and fear starts falling away, and as this happens, you spread much more positive vibes and therefore attract more positive stuff into your life. Therefore, all the girls/guys start noticing you because you get more and more self confident, content, and simply happy. Last but not least, you just have so much more energy! At times this even feels maniacal, but in a good way. Like a chaotic professor / genius with racing thoughts and ideas.

    One thing I do have to tell you though is that these experiences are hardly quantifiable. And by this I mean they vary not only from person to person, but from streak to streak. Sometimes I notice the benefits from day 1 and easily make it to 10+ days, at other times I can't even make it to day 3. Sometimes I literally get a nervous breakdown and/or heavy depression from NoFap, at other times I feel like a young God. And I've also felt like a total weirdo before, when I got too desperate and horny and almost creepy. And once I even felt like I was on a flatline even while I was on PMO.
    So long story short: the benefits / withdrawal symptoms really vary. But I'm 100% certain that I've only scratched the surface so far. Your life changes for the better within the first couple of days of NoFap, even if you don't notice it right away. And even if it didn't: Every time I relapse I feel like shit. I immediately feel exhausted, can't get myself motivated to do anything that's not completely mandatory, start frowning, get depressed, isolate myself, hate people, and am stuck in my mostly negative thoughts. So even without all the benefits (which are 100% real), this is reason enough to quit.

    Sorry for the long post. Please don't hate me.
     
  15. Going To Heal

    Going To Heal Fapstronaut

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    I don't hate you for that long post @NooseAnchor , if anything I enjoyed reading that because it gives me something to look forward to. I had so much energy when I went 9 days before I relapsed, now I am 16 hours away from my second day and I feel unmotivated and feel drained but I can also feel my energy levels increasing again.

    And @SpotlessMind24 @Sleeping_Beauty thank you for your comments on the virgin thing. I didn't think a girl would be extra happy to know I am a virgin. I don't mind waiting to lose it to my future girlfriend (probably a good idea) but if the chance comes up with another girl who I won't be entering a relationship with then that's fine, although I know I won't pursue that path. I'll pursue the path of trying to find a relationship if anything.
     
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  16. NooseAnchor

    NooseAnchor Fapstronaut

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    @Going To Heal we could keep each other motivated if you like and do this together. Like a pact type of thing in the partners section on these forums. I've been feeling kind of off this time as well (No PMO since Monday and basically flatlining ever since a relapse in mid-June), but relapsing is not an option. It doesn't even feel good for one second anymore. It's been an old pattern playing itself out for quite a while now. It's time to leave this behind.
     
  17. Going To Heal

    Going To Heal Fapstronaut

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    @NooseAnchor That would be good to do actually. I have a feeling I might be flatlining/ed but I don't know what it means. At the moment, I have been thinking of relapsing and whether it would feel good and I know it will. Usually I would take the dose straight away but I had no urge to, nothings triggering me to at the moment although I am only on my second day.

    If anything, I just want to feel the effects of going 2+ month/s without PMO'ing because right now it has to be better than being unmotivated etc... It's funny because I know what I want, but I can't seem to put all the effort into it.
     
  18. NooseAnchor

    NooseAnchor Fapstronaut

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    @Going To Heal anything you try to accomplish in life is done by repeated trial and error. Definitely when it comes to ditching old negative habits. Relapse is normal on your way out of an addiction. I don't know anyone who has ever overcome an addiction just like that. They all struggle, relapse a couple times, and then something just clicks and they finally overcome. You're definitely fooling yourself at this point though, if you believe that a relapse will feel good. You will feel bad soon after.

    I'm on day 5 right now and today I've had one of those days where I started to feel the benefits. I was SO good with people in small talk conversations today, so self-confident. Dude so many people smiled at me today bc I had put on such a friendly face. And I was so active. I haven't been this active on a Saturday in weeks! So you definitely wanna hang in there. When the benefits start coming, the theory is that one day they will clearly outweigh any short lived pleasure you might get from PMO. You need to abstain long enough to get a taste of the difference in the quality of your life. Pass that threshold.

    Oh and concerning flatlines: a flatline is a sudden decrease or even loss of libido. It's basically your body shutting down to heal itself. Your gear might shrivel and feel smaller than ever before, you won't have much feeling "down there", and you just don't feel any sexual energy whatsoever. Sometimes a flatline also goes hand in hand with depression. For some this whole thing is such a terrifying experience that they actually feel like something's wrong with them and they start to get worried, so they panic, get it up, and fap just to make sure everything's still working fine. So be warned.
     
  19. Going To Heal

    Going To Heal Fapstronaut

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    @NooseAnchor I know PMO'ing is bad and that's why I want to abstain. I meant it feels good in the short run but shortly after you go back to square 1 and you have to start again which means you've wasted however long your streak was.

    Also, what setting was you in when people was smiling at you? Was you shopping, in town, clubbing etc...?
     
  20. NooseAnchor

    NooseAnchor Fapstronaut

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    @Going To Heal all kinds of different places. On the streets, downtown, at the mall, at the grocery store, during appointments, just everywhere I went. And I'm not talking about customary friendliness, I'm talking about intense eye contact and the exchange of a big smile. Not even sexually charged or anything. Just like some invisible connection. I guess I radiated a lot of positivity. And no I did not take any drugs lol
     

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