What do you think i am doing wrong? (social anxiety)

Hey oooo,

This can be a combination of issues. I know that when I was deep in my addiction, social situations felt really weird to me. I didn't want to be there and I thought all of them could see how deeply flawed I was or felt. That is shame talking to you.

It could also be how you see the world. Do you feel like you have to "get it right" or do you feel like "practice makes perfect"? I retreated to PMO because I could not relate well to others especially women. I thought that people just had a natural ability to converse. The reality is that some people have more practice.

The fear of failure may be holding you back. So, imitation is a method of practice. Watch some movies that have relational things going on in them. I like the movie "The Imitation Game" because there is a part where the awkward main character has to "practice" interacting with his co-workers.

Life is messy, no one really gets anything "right" on the first try. Find things that you enjoy and watch how other people interact to get some of the social cues down.

 

Honestly just start by straight up talking to these people. If you believe your life sucks so bad, then why do you go to the gym so often; most people would stay in their beds all day and cry. But you dont. Basically what im trying to say here is that something innate is telling you that really your life doesn't suck so bad

 

I have social anxiety as well, but I think it has gotten better through suffering and personal experience. You should continuing to go to the gym and also to quit pmo. Find a job and/or hobby that you like, and where you derive happiness from. Let negative thoughts and perceptions come and go as they dont last forever. Treat yourself more and do things that make you happy. Try not to punish yourself all the time.

Having social anxiety is really tricky, I don't think there is some esoteric strategy that well help you overcome it. Only the suffering that comes with the condition will make you grow out of it. I think you should surround yourself with people, and be in situations that will trigger negative perceptions, and then to just observe your mind/emotions. Just be aware of your own thoughts and the suffering/negativity, and that in itself will help you to transcend it. This just takes time.

 

What I mean by surrounding yourself by people, is just being around people in general, like how you go to the gym or school. You don't necessarily need to talk to anyone, just be aware of your suffering and insecurity that you experience. Having social anxiety and being around being people/strangers automatically triggers negative perceptions. Just be mindful of your emotions and the thoughts that go through your head. What ends up happening is that the more you experience suffering the more you get used to it, and slowly it will bother you less. Accept and surrender to your own personal suffering and baggage. Don't even try make this into a task, it should be effortless. Contemplate that everything in this world is changing and transient. You perceive yourself as being this weird anti-social person, however, that is just a passing thought. Just don't cling to those thoughts, merely see it for what it is, and remain objective.

 

Hey buddy, Jon here.

I used to feel exactly like you do. I was terrible in social situations (parties, hangouts, conversations, making people laugh and so on). I had very few friends. I missed someone to confide in. Someone who would not think that I was weird or that something was wrong with me. I lived in my own shell, having a big arsenal of excuses ready that could save me from going to any social events whatsoever. I felt depressed and alone. I felt isolated and sad because everyone around me was doing just fine with their own lives.

Now, listen very carefully my friend. I will tell you something you can actually use:

Firstly,
There is nothing wrong with you. I noticed your PMO counter was at "0 days since last PMO". If you're anything like who I used to be, you PMO when you feel down. Stop it. The problem is not you, it's PMO. You are a perfectly fine, fully functional and healthy human being. It's PMO that fries your brain so badly that it has become insensitive to the feeling of happiness and joy. In other words, PMO is the cause of you feeling inadequate.

• When I quit PMO, my senses began to heighten. I could appreciate and understand the world again. I was ready to rejoin society. I stopped feeling that something was wrong with me. It just stopped. I felt alive again. I felt like I belonged among other people. Most importantly, I did not feel lonely anymore.

Secondly,
I know you're in a bad place. That's why you've told us your story. You're very brave, but you might not even know it. You wrote "... but i can not do this to my parents". That's courage to me, mate. Your family loves you like you wouldn't believe. Fight for their sake. Quit this PMO-addiction. I promise you, your life will be so much better, when your mind is no longer clouded with self-criticism, isolation and depression.

• PMO is a prison, man. No one was born to live in a prison. Break free from it, and you will see just how amazing and full of potential you are.

Thirdly,
You are not alone. I am your friend. I do not know you, but I know what you are going through. I've been through it, and I'm on the other side. Message me if you need a friend to confide in.

• This loneliness, depression and social anxiety that you feel is temporary. Eventually, it will subside, and something better will take its place. If you keep PMO'ing, however, it will last forever.

 

Man you need to act if you want to change something. Nofap is great because it gives you back confidence, but if you don't try actively to change the situation nothing is going to change. When I stated nofap at August I was alone to. I made an account in a meeting web, and by chance found a lovely girl, whom I'm still dating today. I'm learning at university and have 2-3 friends. I"m still lonely sometimes but my situation is much better. I think that you must take some "risks" if you want something to change. You will fail sometimes, but you will feel good that you tried. Not trying is devastating because you feel you are hopeless. I wish you the best of luck, and keep updating us here.

 

1] Keep up the nofap.

2] Be willing to get outside your comfort zone. If you have social anxiety, start with small steps:

• eye contact
• smile
• say hello
• say a sentence
• hold a conversation

You will slowly build skills, and the way to build them is practice, practice, practice. life is a game, an art, start playing it.

 

This -

 

Just reading this thread is quite interesting. I have a minor dose of social anxiety but mine seems a bit different to this thread. When I am surrounded by people, even ones who I got along with excellently in the past, I just don't talk. I listen to other people's conversations a lot; sometimes I think I'm part of a conversation, but then I realise I haven't said a word. It's not that I don't like my friends or that I hate myself, I just don't know what to say. When I think of something to say, such as a question, I answer my own question in my head and then saying it feels pointless. For example, I might think to say, "Got anything planned this weekend?" but then I'll remember that I overheard them talk about having to work all weekend, and I won't say anything.

 

A big part of social anxiety is derived from feelings about yourself. Making friends is hard when we think little of ourselves because we feel awkward around "good" people. People with social anxiety, if they have friends at all, will be people that suit our anxieties needs. The sooner you quit pmo and start realizing that you are a good person and have something to offer this world, the sooner good people will make you feel less uncomfortable. By the way, you can feel like your a douche without even realizing you do underneath. Good people do shitty things, we are human. Forgive yourself but never forget what you did and the dark places it took you. Get the most out of life and connect with other people by first confronting your own fears about yourself.

 

Hey mate.. Your situation is sooo common in here and you have many suggestions already. I just one to say two things to you.
1. Practice makes you perfect. Talk to someone talk to anyone. If you cant talk in person start by semding a msg in fafacebook or sms. Some of the convos will be stupid i know. But it gets better. Every talk is a progress so dont give up.
2. Start nofap. It boosts your confidence and makes your life better
Goodluck mate

 

This post is MONEY. When people say they can't do it, they need to realize where they are now and where they CAN be. It's up to you to change your future. You can do it.