What does emotional support without attachment look like?

Since there's a tendency to associate attachment with support I thought this would be a good question to ask, even if it is a very general one. While it may feel TOO general (if it even gets m/any replies) I want to point out the key would be to empower people or give them a sense of empowerment at least. I certainly think people need to make the effort to come together on whatever level, whether one on one or in a group, but this is rather fundamental. Looking at the addiction recovery world, there's one group for codependency and it's sort of implied with Al-Anon.

This might be a bit of a reach but does anyone have a particular person in mind with that kind of healthy but supportive relationship? Maybe when you're in a bad way you even want to attach in some way, (not necessarily romantically) but maybe they have a way of supporting you with clear boundaries and reflecting back the idea of you as an individuated person?

 

Actually I don't think it's as simple as supporter vs. recipient. Even if you think about a computer network, for the most part every part both sends and receives something so the idea that it can be categorized that absolutely is probably not realistic, especially for people. If anything we might qualify it as being primarily the supporter vs. recipient at a given time, and also people support in different ways, which means two people can both get something out of an interaction, it's just different and they play the role at different times.

I'd imagine a very simple sign that it's healthy would be if someone needs support they feel they can call different people even if they have a preference as to their first choice, they know they can get support from different people in the community - or just show up in a group without it coming from one particular person.

And as I tried to elude to in the OP, I think ultimately a network is essential. One on one there tends to be a much greater chance of being attached in an unhealthy way, including codependency where the other may be enabling the behavior of the other, but in a community with enough diversity people can be supported by different people in different ways at different times. This is like a circular "pay it forward" model. Even if it is not totally open ended or exponential, more people can benefit if you don't only think in terms of paying it "back" in a one to one exchange which is limited to two people. And if you're having an open conversation who can provide what kind of support will become self evident, though one of the things that people with addiction tends to have trouble with is asking for help. Still just being in that environment, where there may be a generosity of spirit can be refreshing in itself and help people to open up.

I also think it is essential that people think in terms of being both in a grassroots recovery group. I've seen situations where most people are just dropping in, they may give a few bucks knowing the room costs rent, but basically it's just a very passive attitude to receive something and of course that's rather short sighted - and there's nothing to receive if that's what everyone does. I have a concern that since it's still mostly online and people have this spectator tendency online for different reasons that it will lost steam and fizzle out. What's left with people who are die hards may be a bit on the dogmatic side and then people might feel that's not the kind of thing they want, but once again if everyone just waits for one that's already together and perfect to plug into then nobody ever make it happen in the first place.