What I must do while I am single

Hello. That's funny because you and me came to the same conclusion even though we didn't follow the same path.
I am concerned by everything you have said. About being virgin, friends being married(and I would add: having kids . . .*sigh* I envy them), escaping by porn and masturbation.
And like you, I thought that having a girlfriend would eradicate this fap-adict problem, would release me from my fears about future and myself. But I was wrong. The answer is inside of us. We don't have the same religion(in fact, I'm a deist) but we came to the same thing: if we want God to help us, we have to prove him(and ourselves) that we want that life.
Do you really want to have a nice wife ? Yes, you want. I'm sure you feel it inside of you. So you have some struggle to do. You're doing well, I see that it's been 30 days since you last PMO and all. I'm having a more hard time than you, but I don't want to give up, it's funny, I havent felt this determined since really long ago.

I feel more and more certain about a thing: that a woman is waiting for you, but she's waiting for the man who feel like a man, who have a good self-esteem of himself and who's capable to struggle for something.

 

Oh hell man. I felt something when reading your post.
We, I mean everyone, want to be normal. Have normal life with awesome wife that make your life truly the best.
That's why the path of NoFap is really awesome. It makes us into a real man.
I don't know what brings you to post it here, but mate - that really made me to use this energy. Thank you for this post.
I will workout even more, I will make even more challenges to make myself a strong male, that makes this one woman fall with me and make her life even more awesome than mine. In the end, giving is more fun than taking, right?

 

Create an image of who you want to be in your head and think about how to become that person. Its easier to change single than it is while with someone. Right now youre primed for evolution you have everything you need to become the best version of yourself its an exciting time period

 

This is a great way to approach singleness, friend! Kudos to you and gratitude to God for revealing this valuable lesson to you. It will make this time in your life so much more fruitful than sitting around being depressed/lonely or spending all of your time searching for the perfect woman. Trust God -- He has your love story all mapped out, and He's not going to let you miss it by accident because you weren't paying enough attention. If you're focused on other things, trust me, He will direct your heart to your lady when the time is right.

 

I totally feel you there, man! I'm only 22 and I often feel overwhelmed by the sense that I don't have enough time for everything I want to do in life.

I recently learned a lot from a wise elderly woman who has been a public speaker for, oh, maybe 20 years, has written 14 books, sang opera professionally for 15 years, and is able to say, now, nearing the end of her days, that she has accomplished everything she's ever wanted in life. Lesson I learned that day? Life is longggg!! Use your time wisely, but don't waste it by living in frantic chaos.

 

This is quite inspired/inspiring. Thanks for sharing dude.

 

I'm 40 so I have a different take on this.
I married when I was 21.
I thought then that it would help me and that getting married meant I was someone good, and I would have a good life. I was wrong.
I have a good life because of who I am, not because of the people around me.

You won't find anyone on earth to "complete" you.
You can't be complete with someone unless you're complete by yourself, alone.
Nobody can love you more than you love yourself.

Don't worry about the person you'll meet as a PMO addict.
If you're a PMO addict, you'll attract a woman attracted by PMO addicts, and she will deserve it.
If you want to have a great family with a great woman, get over your addictions first.
Live now so you can tell stories to your kids later.
Go out, hike, travel, meet new people, try new sports, new jobs.
Do what other wish but are afraid to do, and you will have the life that others wish to have.
Do interesting and audacious things to become an interesting and audacious man.

And then you will marry an interesting and audacious woman and raise interesting and audacious kids.

NoFap is a milestone on this road, so keep going

 

^ "live now"

Great advice for everyone here, myself included. Thanks for that reminder. It's all too easy to put off your dreams out of fear, uncertainty, or a million other factors, but time is never garunteed.

 

Keep it up dude you're an inspiration to all of us.

 

I would say just enjoy you life and do fun staff and talk to people. Girls are attracted to happy people. They are like you! They suffer lonliness, shyness, social anxiety and depression! All you need to do is open your mouth to them and talk to them like they are a male. Most people think they need to be on their best behaviour when they approach chicks but it is nothing further from the truth. Being transparent, honest, vunerable allowes them to be honest with you in return.
There is nothing wrong with saying:" I would really like to invite you for a coffiee but I feel shy you would refuse me! " Honesty and sincerity works like magic!

People often act and pretend to be perfect when they approach the opposite sex and after a while their relation ships brake down because they were hiding stuff.

Nowadays when I get overcomed by anxiety or fear I imagine that person PMOing and immediately I feel at the same level they are at! It makes me grin because I know their secret

 

You are good enough as is, the idea that you have to do x,y, and z in order to be good enough is silly. healing the wounds that porn (and many other things I might add) has inflicted upon your body and your mind is a good thing to do, don't get me wrong, however the idea that because you are an addict that somehow you are simply "out of" the dating game is just wrong to me. You can still be a good husband (or lover or whatever) right now, and if you want to end your porn addiction then that's great but don't just keep assuming you aren't good enough for it, that'll just weigh you down man.

btw what church did you go to? didn't know churches talked about that kind of stuff man, good to hear though.

 

Totally...
I'm MO'ing since Im 13yo, now Im 40+. I PMO'd in my teens watching porn flicks, magazines, etc (no internet back then).

I was single during my teen years, no confidence in myself, and girls looking the other way. Frustrating. I MARRIED THE FIRST GIRL THAT LOOKED AT ME. Pretty sad, really. 5 years of my life I'll never get back. I just jumped at that girl just like it was the last life raft leaving the ship. I had real sex with her, but eventually we started to be less and less into each other. I didn't get to know her enough, I was so scared to lose the my only chance...lol that was stupid.

Anyway, I was PMO'ing during that relationship, especially when I became real sex starved by that girl.

I became single for 2 years, no dating. I took the opportunity to learn about myself and heal. Then I met another women, way more mature and gentle. We are together for 18 years, married, we got a kid together...I PMO'd thru that relationship also and the internet got faster and faster. Coolidge effect hit me hard and I spent hundreds of hours browsing pics and P videos. Real sex was always the same (became vanilla) and I started to develop PIED. I'm healing myself again, because of this site and the nice community.

I had 3 occurences of real sex in 14 days, which is decent. I had no PIED issues and I seemed to enjoy real sex more.

The morale of the story...stop the porn consumption, that will hurt you and the girl you will eventually be with. Also, learn about yourself and heal before you get too excited about dating.

I wish you a nice girl. You don't find girls btw, they mysteriously appear when you expect them the least. Don't stress out and engage in activities involving others. Meet people for the sake of fun and discussion, the rest will follow.

 

I am currently in a relationship, and I think lot of problems won't be solved whether you are alone or with somebody. I wish I had worked harder when I am alone, because relationship takes lot of work and maintenance, and sometimes it can confuse you even more. If anything, work your ass off. Make yourself the best you can be, and enjoy whatever life have to throw you. Just my two cents.