What is a real relapse?

In medical terms, a relapse is a return to our old behaviours and thought patterns. It doesn't necessarily have to be prolonged in my opinion. For instance, if you're a P addict and you "just" M - that will still be a reset of your counter and cause for thought, but not a full on relapse. You only partially returned to your old behaviours. If you have a 3 hour edging session of full on PMO, or even just five minutes of PMO, that's a relapse. At least, that's how I see it.

Do NOT use this as an excuse to do X or Y because "oh, it's not a real relapse". At best, you run the risk of escalating to a "real" relapse. At worst, you're basically relapsing anyway.

 

Well basically a relapse is very individual and is different in each one of us due to different goals.
IMO P edging and any kind of M(Masturbating with imagination, P , pictures, etc..) isn't allowed. The only thing i can allow myself is sex with a real partner in order to get my sensitivity back and rewire my brain to the natural real thing.
Yesterday I Relapsed to a Facebook photo.. although i had sex with the girl in the past and there were zero P thoughts it's not an excuse, Hence i had to be honest with myself so i counted it as a relapse and had to reset my counter.
You have to remember that people come to Nofap from different reasons and each one of us sees The Nofap recovery road and goals differently. Just be honest with yourself and set your own goals and rules. Once you break it, it's a relapse.

 

That's what I said, lol. It's still a reset, because you're failing to meet the goal of a reboot: to avoid sexual stimulation. But you aren't full on PMOing, so it's not a relapse.

 

@skaterdrew

I think it's important to know the difference between "reset" and "relapse". I completely agree, if I go 45 days without porn, and then watch it once, then go back to avoiding it, I wouldn't consider that a relapse. I'd reset my day counter for sure, but that's not a relapse.
Personally, I'd say I've only relapsed a couple times over the past few years. But the result was watching porn once or twice a week for a few weeks straight before snapping out of it. Just these past couple weeks I've been right on the line between resetting and relapsing (PMO 3x in the last couple weeks).
Another thing you mentioned which is 100% true for me is that if I PMO once or twice after a long streak of abstinence, I don't feel any serious negative effects. BUT, if I do relapse, I start to slide back and feel the same low self-confidence, brain fog etc. that I experienced when I was an active porn addict.

Bottom line, avoid both resets and relapses at all costs. But, stay positive. If you do happen to reset, don't beat yourself up. Acknowledge the mistake, and move on! It can help to keep track of the number of resets you have. Even if you never break 30 days, you may only PMO 10-15x in a year. And, compared to the numbers I put up a couple of years ago, I'd consider that cause for celebration!

 

As an so, I believe it’s different for every individual. Both my husband and I consider it a relapse if he begins the addiction cycle... he doesn’t even have to look at psubs or masturbate. If he starts the addiction cycle/behavior ie middle circle behaviors , so looking at the news on twitter and his body/brain getting excited by Maybe accidentally coming across a PSUB, that’s a relapse and he resets his sobriety date. None of the guys in his group count that. But, he and I and our csat agreed that for us, this is a relapse. Because it’s not the porn he’s addicted too, it’s the high from dopamine which begins long before he looks at porn. It’s the excitement in seeking. Every individual has to decide for themselves. Just like every alcoholic has to decide if cruising past his favorite bar is a reset or relapse or no big deal. Interesting study showed that for drug addicts their brains lit up the most with the “ high” right when the needle pricked their skin. The highest high BEFORE the drug entered their system.

 

PMO until PIED. No real realtionship, massive anxiety. HOCD, procrastination, everything bad that you can imagine WILL happen to you.