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What is it that makes you want to get up every morning despite everything?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by magic05, Jul 6, 2020.

  1. magic05

    magic05 Fapstronaut

    Before Corona I had a job interview where the interviewer asked me „What is it that makes you want to get up every morning?“.

    When he posed that question, I was kinda stunned and kept silent for several seconds. I was shocked by this question and didn't know what to answer. It was an awkward moment and after that embarrassing pause he moved on to the next question. Didn't get the job, obviously. It was kinda eye-opening.

    Truth is, I can't think of anything that makes me want to get up every morning. I only do it, because I have nothing else to do other than to try to get up and make some money for a living, otherwise I would be broke and have no health insurance and apartment. I'd eventually end up in the lowest social class and be dependent on social welfare. So the only reason why I get up in the morning is because I need to keep functioning.

    I have a history of multiple addictions (alcohol, PMO, Internet) and insomnia and still struggle with it badly. I also think I suffer from depression but it didn't get to the state yet that I'd consult a psychiatrist and take SSRIs or some other prescription drugs. I'm in therapy since years but it doesn't really help.

    I have recurring suicidal thoughts since almost 10 years, but never got to the point of actually attempting it. Mostly because I don't want my immediate family to suffer the consequences. No one should be suffering from my problems, the thought of it disgusts me, at least for now.

    When people are being asked „What makes you get up in the morning?“, they usually answer „my family/wife/children or my friends or my hobbies“.

    When I get up in the morning, what awaits me? A bad, poorly paid job (and no chance of switching jobs very soon currently because of Corona), lots of porn, lots of alcohol, lots of sleep deprivation, lots of performance anxiety and a constant craving for PMO, alcohol, having more friends and sex with real women.

    I of course know the remedy for all of this, otherwise I wouldn't be here. To just quit all addictions, move to another town in 2021 for better jobs, go to the gym and go out into the real world and try to connect/date with real women. I'm attempting to do this since over 6 years and eventually always failed. Mostly I fail because of being drunk in the end. The only addiction I got in charge of after 15 years of attempting so far is my online news addictions, but all the rest persists.

    With every failed attempt I ask myself „Well, why do you actually get up in the morning? Is it really worth it to keep on living in this rat race? Why not just stay in bed or end it altogether eventually? What's the argument against it, if all attempts of improving yourself fail after another? What do you actually have to lose?“

    Those are my darkest thoughts after a night full of alcohol, porn, loneliness and sleep deprivation. I am not yet at the point of really wanting to end it, but I need to take precautions right now or otherwise I will certainly arrive at this point in 2-3 years.

    I wonder, what does you keep getting up every morning even though you are failing countless times of quitting your addiction and getting in charge of your life? What motivates you? How do you keep on moving and trying again in the face of all the misery, setbacks and depression? If you got no good circle of friends, let alone a woman that you can have sex with, what is it exactly that keeps you moving and getting up each and every time?

    I'm thankful for every advice and opinion.
  2. 1. I used to think about suicide a lot. I wrote out a story about me killing myself and meeting God. He had me watch a video that showed all the things I missed out on because I punched out before time was up: New friends I missed out on, new places I didn’t get to see, and the woman I didn’t get to meet and marry.

    Number one reason, all the new things that await me in the future.

    2. Taking on new challenges to make my life and (hopefully someone else’s life) better. Right now I’m pushing myself to get out and meet people. There are even more hiking groups out there than ever since outdoor physical activities are still allowed while gyms are shut down.

    Been going with one hiking group despite my mind and body wanting to hide in my house. It’s been good getting out and meeting new people, getting into conversations, and learning how to be a good listener. Three years ago I was on my way to becoming a recluse. I’ve since turned that around.

    Number two reason, my continued desire to push myself towards becoming a better person.

    3. I was pretty low. I had plans to off myself and was putting those plans into action. Perhaps the onumber one reason I changed my mind were my parents. They didn’t bring me into this world just to see me flame out and crash. They wanted me to succeed. But more importantly they love me and want the best for me.

    Number three reason, my parents are rooting for me.

    Change isn’t easy. I had lots of set backs and disappointments. But I just kept trying.

    I’m the happiest I’ve ever been even though I have no wife, no girlfriend. I do have a growing number of friends, plenty of new activities I enjoy doing more than sitting around watching porn, and a new hope for the future.

    I was 40 years PMO addict. (Age in my profile is wrong, I’m 52yo), now a recovering addict. I wake up everyday expecting to learn and experience something new and good, even if it’s small.
  3. Every time I work out. I picture myself at my goal weight and my lifestyle. Kept me going ever since.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. BreakingBenjamin

    BreakingBenjamin Fapstronaut

    This is a great question, what makes me want to get out is me telling to myself:
    "This day ahead of me is going to end in about 14 hours (when i go tosleep) no matter what. I can choose between getting up and using this day to progress with my goals, or do nothing and waste this day."
    And i choose to get up.
  5. Mistersofty

    Mistersofty Fapstronaut

    This may sound a bit silly, but what gets me out of bed every morning is the thought of having a nice cup of coffee. Something about a cup of coffee makes me happy and ready to face the day ahead. The morning is the most positive part of the day for me. I like hearing the birds singing and feeling the warmth of the rising sun through my window. As bad as my life seems sometimes, I somehow feel rejuvenated every morning. There’s this reoccurring thought somewhere in the back of mind that says hey, this could be the day that everything changes. Every morning is a gift that I’m thankful to have.
  6. Job interviews are dumb and retarded lol. Wish someone told me about it years ago so I wouldn't stress so much about them.
    clapas and Deleted Account like this.
  7. It's a great question. I guess my answer is that I want to find the answer to this question. I will tell you if I ever find it.
  8. SoaringEagle

    SoaringEagle Fapstronaut

    Well, my answer is going to be a personal one and I most certainly would have to think for a different answer if I wanted to answer that douche bag at your interview. I understand that it can help to know the character of a person to see if they fit the job but I believe that question is too personal for a job interview.

    Anyway, My answer is that if I don't get up: "They" would win!
    All the sacrifices of my father toiling in the harsh sun, all the toils of my mother, all the hardships that my grandparents have gone through, all the suffering that my brethren have gone through and are going through will have gone to waste. My life will probably not amount to much in the end but I will at least try my best!

    By "they" in "they would win." I mean the evil ones who have stolen my homeland, made us destitute and made sure I and my people live under unimaginable tyranny. Yes the word evil has been badly associated and is a taboo to use but I believe it fits them best.
    Those same people who have stolen my homeland, (from your message I am assuming you are American) have also controlled much of the world if not all of it and especially the US. They are and have always been the main driving force behind pornography and corruption and are so powerful that we dare not mention them by name!

    If you don't get up in the morning you would let them win! Maybe your life will not be the heroic one that will change the world, I don't believe anyone is in by himself alone. But you can do your best even if it just means breathing in and out.
    Maybe you will never triumph over all of your addictions, and I doubt anyone have ever completely won all of his/her fights but just do your best and don't be too hard on yourself.

    And do not compare yourself to others who seemingly have less addictions and better life choices, for all we know if they have had the life you have had or the childhood you have through they might not have survived this far, just do your best.

    It took me many years to just reduce my many addictions and it had to do with a lot of things in my childhood, don't be too tough on yourself. Do your best. You are a beautiful soul and by just hanging in there, it means there is one more beautiful soul out there.
  9. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

    I too think the answer is rather personal for a job interview. For an interviewer, I would probably say something tailored to the job in hand - eg 'I will try and leave the world a little bit better by this evening than it was this morning' if its care or charity work, etc. They just want to tick boxes, they don't care about you!

    But it is an interesting question to think about. I have successfully transitioned from being a person who continually hits the snooze button to someone who jumps out of bed at 5am (6 at weekends) - about the only 'self help' thing I have actually achieved. And the secret? I do something I love first thing every morning. I think about doing it as I go to sleep at night, and I look forward to it. It can be a special breakfast that you love to eat. It can be coffee, or your favourite smoothie. It can be exercise, if that's what you love, or yoga (my favourite). A chapter of a book you are really enjoying can be a very rewarding start to the day. Use your imagination and try some things out. Find something that works for you.
  10. magic05

    magic05 Fapstronaut

    Your responses are truly inspiring.

    I read a lot about suicide from a philosophical and religious standpoint the last couple months.

    I'm not acutely suicidal, but since many years (since my youth in fact) I have this crazy question in my mind that bascially says:

    "Why suffer all the hardships and pain every day (= addiction and loneliness and senselessness) if there is a shortcut (= suicide) ?“

    Like all the major religions promise salvation and paradise after death, then what is the sense of life at all in the beginning if one could just immediately jump to the solution easily?

    While I always believed in an afterlife and a higher power, this question always made me to not take religions too seriously, because they contradict themselves in this matter.

    Right now I'm just functioning. Getting up tired to go to work in order to have health insurance and pay my monthly bills. Sometimes there are a few happy moments (vacations in other countries and meeting the handful of friends I have). But everything I do is clouded and inhibited by alcohol since years, so my brain is not processing things around me 100%. Even when I'm sober I'm strongly drawn to my addictions.

    Mostly it's just functioning. I tried putting personal development as my life goal (= being financially safe, being free from all addictions, having regular sex with an attractive woman, having a large circle of friends, travelling a lot, working out a lot in the gym), but everytime I fail on one of those goals I get more and more drawn to that suicide questioning aforementioned and thinking about a shortcut.

    Did you experience/relate to something like that? How did you get rid of this constant thought and this feeling of senselessness?
  11. zippy111

    zippy111 Fapstronaut

    I make sure there is at least one thing I have scheduled the next day that I am excited to do and want to do. That one thing is enough to power me through the rest of the day.

    It could be a meal you love, a good hike, listening to a podcast, kayaking, sitting outside, or anything else positive. This one thing motivates me to do all the rest.

    Beyond that, I do have goals and aspirations that motivate me, but their less effective for day to day motivation. They’re more about keeping me going for a long time.

    Life has so much to offer, and you can’t see it from the perspective of an addict. I couldn’t at least. Once you start recovering, the world is literally a different place. There are so many things that are enjoyable, but when I was addicted to porn, only porn could distract me from the negativities of life.
  12. I needed to read this thread. I thought about this today at work. Lonely and frustrated with the world. Nothing to look forward to. Seems like life just gets tougher and tougher. I worry about running out of gas. I wish I was a morning person. I haven’t figured out how to get up early and enjoy the morning. I’m always up too late enjoying the night, putting off having to wake up and go to work
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

    What gets me up in the morning most mornings is the opportunity to help other people. I should say try to help other people, if I get fixated on making them different I tend to do them a disservice but things like just listening, sharing my experience rather than my opinions, taking the actions of love when no one sees me do so so I don't get any attaboys, being honest with others... These are ways I try to help with out needing to make anyone any different.
    SoaringEagle and Deleted Account like this.
  14. Hang in there. Maybe sit down one day and think it through and write them out.

    That’s what I did one day when I was feeling very depressed. I surprised myself with the list I came up with.
    SoaringEagle and Knighthawk like this.
  15. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    i dont know the question to your answer. What i do know is, i am afraid of death. I dont want to die, if i could live forever i would
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  16. I've felt like my hand was being forced since I was about 18. Life broke me, then started dragging me along in its wake. I never thought of suicide until maybe this year, which is crazy considering how shit my life has been from an objective standpoint. It's like some deep part of me is going to keep going whether I like it or not, and it will decide in its own time when it's had enough.

    There has been a payoff, though. Through throwing myself off the deep end again and again, and learning to survive in lots of different situations, I've become more streamlined and less self-destructive. I've been literally incapable of getting out of bed before noon most of my life, except when forced to by work. Last year I set myself the challenge of getting out of bed at 05:30, which I did for a couple of weeks then realised it was pointless because there was nothing I wanted to do (even though I kept waking up to switch the alarm off at 05:30 for a full year, just because it was better than nothing). But, since stopping MO these last couple of months, I'm finally waking up naturally in the morning and not wishing I was still asleep. So, while I'm still not looking forward to anything in particular, I'm less susceptible to bouts of utter despair and self-loathing, which means I don't have to search as hard for a reason to get through the day. Life's becoming just more okay in general, and I'm actually realising life's about what I want, which goes against my whole culture and upbringing. So, paying my dues is giving me more freedom. It's like the paradox that leaders, in order to stay in power, must either conform to public expectation, or shape public expectation to their liking. In order to feel and be free, we must serve some master or other.

    So, yeah. I'm realising now that the thing I've always loved to do is sing, and I only don't do it when I'm ill. The fucker is I damaged my voice 3 years ago and it keeps getting worse, which stresses me out every single day. This is contributing to the thoughts that, after everything I've been through, why did I do this to myself, and is there any point in going on, really, if that main source of pleasure is gone?

    I'm getting closer and closer to the point where I truly just say "fuck it" to life and start doing and saying exactly what I please like there's no tomorrow. It'll probably be a glorious disaster, if it ever happens. =oP
  17. mr.incognito

    mr.incognito Fapstronaut

    I'm 38. Stating this since knowing someone's age is important when considering answers to these kinds of questions, as I don't give a fuck what some twelve year old has to say on the topic. There are other important things to know, but that tops the list.

    My answer:
    Knowing what I want, figuring out a way to get it, and having faith that a solution is possible. Break problems down into smaller problems. "A problem is the difference between what you want and what you have." Reaching a goal is a series of movements, and some moves will be impossible until a more fundamental problem is solved first i.e. can't do multiplication until after you can add. Figure out the most important thing to change first, the priority('prior' as in what comes before), then work on that, hint: don't jack off. To stop jacking off you have to figure out your triggers, which are just things that happen before you start jacking off that cause you to start jacking off in the first place. Aim for improvement not perfection. Figure out causes and effects, you either have to start something new or stop something old. Don't come up with bullshit fake solutions that don't really do anything - I don't meditate, take cold showers, pray, or go to therapy, but I have tried them all so I know they are mostly shit for most people. Imagine someone trying to get better at math by taking cold showers. If you want to do something then fuckin' do it, there is no other way around. Don't be embarrassed at being bad at something when you start, or being wrong when you try to solve problems, they scared us with that shit when we were kids so fuck that. Pretty much anything you learned as a kid is fuckin' stupid. Eat better, you need meat to digest vegetables so fuck vegetarianism and whatever other names it has. Glutamine is supposed to help addict brains deal with cravings. Magnesium is good for your brain. Move more, look up Ido Portal.

    But besides that: revenge. No I'm not trying to be fuckin' funny.
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2020
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  18. I'm probably not in as bad a situation as you are so I find it a bit easier to get up in the morning.
    clapas and Deleted Account like this.
  19. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

    What hurts me the most, is that I know who I am and all I have to offer. And yet I’m invisible, and single. I’m on the nofap train but it kills me that I’m still alone. What gets me up in the morning is trying to better myself, and simply existing to experience life. Hopefully one day things improve for me.
  20. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

    If I don't sleep well, then maybe I don't want to get up in the morning, otherwise I don't think much about it. When I sleep enough I don't really want to stay in bed longer.

    But PMO brought insomnia and many other problems to my life, that often makes it miserable.

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