What is worst and funniest thing you have done?

I simply cannot answer this right now but not for lack of ideas.

 

Worst.
When I was 11 I almost kill a bully with a machete. I was right behind him and was about to do it when a teacher saw me. I still wonder where would I be now if the teacher didn't see me. I still hate that guy, though I don't remember who he was.

Funniest.
I joined NoFap.

 

Worst: I attempted suicide in early 2008.

Funniest: My dad's friend and his family came over to my house to celebrate New Years. My mom had put a few chocolates on a plate for them to eat as a snack. I didn't like my dad's friend, nor did I like his family, so when no-one was looking, I rubbed a few of the chocolates against my balls. When they finally went home, I saw that all of the chocolates were gone, so they must have eaten the ones that I rubbed on my nuts.

 

I have worst and funniest in one story.

Me and my mates from college got real drunk one evening and my mate passed out in my apartment before we even went to the club, so quite naturally we drew a massive cock on his forehead with a permanent marker. When I got home he was still sleeping on my couch with the cock on his face, so drunk me thought it would be hilarious to hide all the mirrors in the apartment.
The next morning comes and we both had practical mandatory college work in an elderly home. As the elderly home I was placed in was further away than his, I had to leave first. Unfortunately, I was so hangover that I didn't think clearly and locked my mate inside the apartment, taking the only set of keys with me. So when he tries to leave an hour later, he couldn't get out, but because the practicals were mandatory he couldn't miss them.
Long story short, he opened a window (apartment is on the first floor (or second if you're American)), jumped onto the neighbours garage and then down to the ground, mildly spraining his ankle in the process, then limped to the elderly home in the city centre (about 30 minute walk away) only to meet his classmates in the elderly home who were kind enough to tell him about the face drawing.
He needed a couple of weeks before he found this story funny

 

That would explain why I like slasher killers that much (The Slasher style, not the fact that there is someone killing others for fun, that scares me).

 

Worst: really can't pick one but the first one to come to mind was framing my geography teacher (who was also my dean) in high school. He threatened to suspend me so I hacked his gmail, printed out a draft and walked into the principal's office with it and told him he leaked the paper to me. Got him fired. It was fun. 10/10 would recommend.

Funniest: can't pick one either. I'll pick the most recent memory when I actually cried tears. My roommate fell asleep with his headphones on. I changed the music to ASMR sex sounds on YouTube and left the room to get dinner. When I came back 10 minutes later, he's sitting up in bed, confused as all hell with his phone and staring at me with red eyes. He'd cummed himself in the dream and was trying to ask me if I changed his music, but that would give away his wet dream. So, he just stared at me for a bit, got up and took a shower and while he did, I roared with laughter and choked on my food. XD Definitely beats making your friend piss himself in bed. I couldn't laugh at all the next day; such was the pain in my abdomen lol

 

lol Legion, I already know these stories. A man must have a Journal!
... you are such a naughty boy

 

Worst thing I ever did was attempt to sate my curiosity surrounding the mystery of what a naked woman looked like back when I was nine years old. Immediately I found porn and I've lead a near decade of secretive porn abuse. Maybe the worst thing I've ever done in my life was never doing anything with it. I don't have a funny story---I have no friends or funny memories nor am I a comedian

 

Why did he threaten to suspend you? Also 10/10 I feel ashamed at reading this. (Maybe I always had good teachers so I am partial to them, idk).

 

I had 0 discipline in high school and always got good marks in all of my subjects. This put him in a strange position, because the principal would never take disciplinary action against one of his top students. Not unless I messed up really bad.

That said, this fool decided to use CCTV evidence against me as I sat in the school library one day and programmed a bunch of viruses to crash the school wifi. This was two years before and I'd already gotten off scot free because people couldn't find evidence against me to suspend me and my dean in that year had a unique relationship with me so she didn't check the video footage and let me go after a warning.

This man wanted to bring back that event and suspend me in the last year of school because I'd humiliated him in front of his class one day. I got pissed off and gave him something much bigger to deal with.

Oh, I've had lots of lots of excellent teachers who I still respect. I owe my economics teacher in high school my first salary. My biology teacher and I discuss stuff you'd never believe on whatsapp. My chemistry teacher and I still chat on gmail (she's old enough to be my grandma ♡). Etc...
But when I meet an someone who thinks they're top dog, I take great pleasure in dethroning them very openly.

 

That's the view you take? Let me be frank... You destroyed someone's life because they were gonna expose you for whatever you already did earlier and gotten Scott free? Also I don't understand why you think getting top marks and making bad choices can justify one another! Still at the end, it's not my life, so I guess I can't say much about it.

 

Also... He shouldn't be a principal if he can't decide what's the solution for such a situation. People should do their jobs! Anyway it's not a fair world so whatever works I guess.

 

I was allowed to go Scott free.
And yes; I still believe his actions were premeditated and would have been executed with malicious intent, especially in light of the fact that I never repeated them. I could give several analogies to further my point but I think you understand.

Yes, but keeping said jobs is also important. He needs to turn in a minimum number of students with distinctions each year. I gave him 8 out of 8 so he was happy.

Precisely. I learnt quite early on that preying on the evils and misdeeds of this world is the fastest way to definite progress.

 

Yeah. I guess so.

 

I'm not sure if I can think of a worst thing, and I'd really rather not think too hard on that if nothing is coming to mind.

But I think the funniest thing I ever did was this:

I was driving my boyfriend to karate. My best friend was in the back seat.

When the bf got out and headed up to the building, bestie decided to climb over into the front instead of getting out and walking around.

As she was climbing up, I decided that since she didn't get out of the car to move to the front, I could start backing out of the parking space while she was climbing over.

Then inspiration hit me. Just as she had climbed over the center console and was almost to the passenger seat, I slammed on the brakes and she flew forward into the dashboard.

I couldn't believe that I had such a perfect set up to do that, and we were both dying laughing about it for the rest of the day. I declared that was the funniest thing I've ever done, and I'm not sure I've topped it yet.

 

I'm not sure if this is the worst thing I've done, but it's something I still think about every once in a while and feel bad about. It involves that same best friend.

She was dating a guy who I didn't really approve of at all, because she hardly knew him. Our other friend didn't approve of him either, but I think it was slightly due to jealousy, because he kind of had a crush on her.

We were all camping once, and me and my guy friend were kind of talking crap about my bestie's boyfriend. Saying that it was dumb of her to be dating him and that she didn't even know him, etc.

I found my best friend crying in the bathroom after that, because she apparently heard everything we said. I felt sick and disgusted with myself that something I did made her cry, especially because she never cries. I'm not sure I had ever even seen her cry before in our lives.

I started crying too, and apologized, and we hugged it out and were fine after that. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I did make a bit of an effort to get to know her boyfriend and not dislike him so much. Although he kind of ended up being a jerk, and I still think I was right about everything I said. But regardless, it wasn't right to gossip about her behind her back like that. I've never been the "mean girl" in my life, but boy did I feel like that on that day.

 

Worst: ignored a girl who I really liked for years

Funniest: forgot lines in a play in front of everybody. Could also be the most embarrassing lol but it was funny cause I only had one line.