What is your best Argument for „I need porn, because I otherwise would cheat on my wife?“

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by OliverJoseph, May 11, 2022.

  1. OliverJoseph

    OliverJoseph Fapstronaut

    Hey Guys,
    It’s day one, and I really want to make it through the 90 days with No PM. But as I have just started, my brain starts to search for arguments why I wouldn’t make it the long term. One of the biggest thoughts is:

    „I have a beautiful wife and I really love her (12 years together), but in Pornography I can „date“ other women. Isn’t it the genetic Programm to spread my genes and have sex with other partners? In Porn I can compensate this. I can’t stand this urge in the long term. My Wife has not the perfect body and in Porn I can find this.“

    Those are just Thoughts and I truly want to stay loyal to my wife (even watching porn is a form of cheating on her - she knows that I watch porn, but she doesn’t know how often I really watched it - daily…)

    What is your best Argument against those thoughts? Will they stop during the reboot?
     
  2. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    I find that entire post kinda confusing. You need an argument to not cheat on your wife? If you seriously think you can't stay loyal to your wife unless you have porn, you should think about what kind of marriage you have in the first place. Isn't that kinda the bare minimum of a functioning marriage, to not cheat on your spouse? Sounds kinda whack, that you need an argument for that. And that doesn't really have much to do with your porn addiction; that's two seperate issues I think.
     
    RobbyGo36, OliverJoseph and Coub like this.
  3. TiredOfFailing

    TiredOfFailing Fapstronaut

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    As a married guy I get where you're coming from, but I think it is the porn addiction fucking with your mind, and I believe it will change if you reboot as long as you have the right mentality and are committed to her like it sounds like you are. While society may not feel like porn is cheating, if you really think about it from an addict's point of view, it is a form of cheating. You're comparing your wife to the women you see in your addiction and even worse you're comparing her to the feeling you get when you indulge yourself. She's never really going to hold a candle to that. She's being cheated by losing your time and focus, your energy, and as your addiction gets worse she's losing the man she fell in love with.
     
  4. OliverJoseph

    OliverJoseph Fapstronaut

    No, I definitely not want to cheat my wife, and that’s just what my selftalk is, to have a reason to go on with watching porn. I want to change watching porn AND stay loyal. I never cheated on her, but doesn’t your brain/selftalk looks for weird arguments?

    With this thread I just wanted to find some good reasons why this thought is bullshit and what you think about it. I don’t really think I have to cheat on her when I stop looking porn. I don't know if I made it clear now :-D
     
    IR254 likes this.
  5. OliverJoseph

    OliverJoseph Fapstronaut

    Maybe this thought is strong in my selftalk, because I myself Am a child of divorced parents where my father betrayed my mother…
     
  6. OliverJoseph

    OliverJoseph Fapstronaut

    Thanks mate. This helps. Maybe it helps to visualize where it will end up if I don’t quit watching porn. I trust the process of the reboot :)
     
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  7. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    I guess it does, but I still don't understand your premise I guess. Let me explain where I have issues with the argument you presented:

    Premise 1: You say very cleary, that you never cheated on your wife in the past and that you do not want to do it in the future either. Or in other words: You say, that cheating on your wife is not even an option for you.
    Premise 2: You say, your "selftalk" says you need porn in order to stay loyal to your wife. Or in other words: Your "selftalk" tells you, that if you don't use porn, you will cheat on your wife.

    Don't you see the contradiction?
    Either you are sure, that you would never cheat on your wife - so: Premise 1 is true -, but then you don't need porn in order to stay loyal anyways - so: Premise 2 is false, ....OR....
    you really need porn to stay loyal to your wife - so: Premise 2 is true -, but then you can not say, that you wouldn't cheat on your wife - so: Premise 1 is false.

    There isn't a way, where both Premises can be true at the same time. It's either the one or the other. Never both. Either YOU are right about yourself...OR...your "selftalk" is right about yourself. Which one is it?

    So, I guess what I want to say is this: What kind of person are you and what kind of marriage do you have? The type, where you can say with great certainty that you are not going to cheat or the type, where you are a slave to external factors and where you are not in control of yourself and your life? That's your decision to make. But once you made your decision (hopefully in favor of Premise 1), the argument your "selftalk" gives you makes no sense anymore. If that is the case, you can tell your "selftalk" why it's talking garbage and why it needs to shut up.

    I hope I was able to get the point across, which I was trying to make.
     
    OliverJoseph likes this.
  8. OliverJoseph

    OliverJoseph Fapstronaut

    Now I got your Point. This is really powerful! I definitely NOT want to cheat on my wife. I will start to work with meditation and affirmations to Internalize the the Picture of myself and the guy I want to be.

    Thanks a lot :)
     
    IR254 likes this.

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