What made you realize your porn addiction

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by djdcgc4, Jun 6, 2019.

  1. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    What or who made you realize you had an addiction with porn?

    And how long after realizing did it take you to reach out for help with it?
     
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  2. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, i didn't realize i had a serious porn addiction not even when my gf broke up with me because of it. Not even after i couldn't get an erection with a new woman. Not even when i couldn't sleep if i didn't masturbate, not even when i had an 8 hour binge, not even when i masturbated 7 times in a day, not even after failing nofap for 5 years.

    What made me realize i fucked up was actually peyronies (hourglass) after i binged for months. Even then i didn't fully realize it until i started actually losing length/girth. The plaque was EXACTLY where i'd grip my penis and it was a crushing formation, it was evident on the MRI/ultrasound that i literally crushed my penis due to masturbation. Literally the urologist (without knowing or even assuming it was because of masturbation), told me "it's like it got crushed/squished". I think actually seeing that picture made me wake up. I'll see if i can find it and upload it.

    edit: found it[​IMG] [​IMG]

    the picture is a "slice" of the penis and the white line is the plaque

    It's starting to heal up now that i quit, but sadly that was the only thing that woke me up.
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2019
  3. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    Wow..... This is eye opening. Did your gf ever try to make you see it was an addiction before you broke up?
     
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  4. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Yes, she did try. She cried a lot, she was upset, she got angry, etc. Nothing worked.

    I added the picture in the initial post
     
  5. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    Did the plaque build up cause ED?
     
  6. My wife @ccrowegreen told me relentlessly for a while that she thought or suspected that maybe I had a problem. Mind you i did not hide it from her, she knew what where and when mostly. I thank the Lord above because she is the most understanding and patient person on this earth. She should have been screaming it at me from the start instead of waiting 19 years. She did her best and loves me and there is no fault I can find in that....I have tried for 19 years NO MORE, but ultimatelty the problems are mine to deal with or fix as I am able.

    I actually started to calm down and listen and question and respect her judgement i stead of sloughing it off as craziness....YES LADIES I SAID THE C WORD and it hurts to think of the pain and suffering that she dealt with all those years. But it made me really look here in the forums and make a list of what I was reading and start to compare. Took all of about 30 minutes to see that I could relate to about 80 percent of what I was reading and it hit me like a 10 mile coal train running over a volkswagon rabbit, it blew my world and self view to shit.
    Its up to me now to rebuild it and exceed her wildest dreams of what her husband and father of her children should be like because she doesnt demand or threaten it....she lives her convictions day to day and is good of heart and she deserves to be blown away herself.
     
  7. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    It probably formed because i was masturbating with a hard flaccid and with only two/three fingers. I had previously read on the internet that allegedly using fewer fingers doesn't mess up the sensitivity that much. Which was basically my "escape card" to keep doing PMO with what i thought to be less consequences. Obviously this is extremely dumb because if you use 2/3 fingers the pressure per square inch/cm is greater, therefore resulting in more damage to the penis.

    I didn't have ED for almost 20 years of addiction but at some point my penis obviously failed from so much stimulation (hours in a day).
     
  8. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your story. That’s the same approach I took initially. Praise to your wife for being so courageous.
     
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  9. When I started acting out, watching shemale porn ,tranny porn and dressing in my GF thong and have random sexual encounters with men and shemales and tranny...my soul was gone..I lost it...but now not only do I FEEL it I'm back to who I use to be a going to be someone better .
    #notgoingback
     
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  10. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    Cheers to your someone better! Thank you for sharing.
     
  11. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

    that I was literally looking something that was disgusting me(extreme but really extreme degradation)but I masturbate to it bc of boredom and addiction.. I tried to stop many times myself but I wasn't strong enough.. So I decided to join one year after my first attempt to stop and for now by pmo addiction is under control and I had good feelings about it.. And unfortunately there was no who cause I'm a really introvert person and people judge strange anyway so nobody really cared
     
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  12. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

    great mate.. I stopped before going into something like this about humiliations.. I feel like I avoided a giant black hole for me
     
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  13. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

    it's so extreme as a story that I can't help but respect you bc you had the courage to escape a situation that was seriously bigger than you.. I mean my struggling seems so easy thinking of yours.. only the good for you
     
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  14. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    thank you.

    Each struggle is different and difficult in it's own way.

    I was lucky to have been a psychologist myself and used many techniques on myself, otherwise i don't think i would've ever gotten out of it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
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  15. ButchDragon

    ButchDragon Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, I think I knew it a year or two after I started, but I never accepted it, if that makes sense. So that left me with ~6 years of feeling utterly ashamed of myself, but doing literally nothing to stop myself cuz' I kept convincing myself that I didn't really have a problem.

    Only recently have I actually been making a concerted effort to stop after seeing just how far I had to go to sustain my addiction. The huge wake up call was earlier this year when I made it my goal to quit PMO, but I literally couldn't go a day without backsliding. I realized that I couldn't control myself, and that things were likely to get worse.
     
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  16. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    After i see woman beat up so bad on porn and when im almost go to street prostitute
     
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  17. Seeking Help

    Seeking Help Fapstronaut

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    I married a woman who loved me for who I am. A woman who took on my kids without question or hesitation when their own Mum deserted them. A woman who is genuinely the only woman ever to have made me feel good about myself.
    I knew this porn habit , that she knows nothing about meant I wasnt quite the man she thought I was. Constant internal feelings of guilt and shame and a desire to live up to the standards that she has me at. Porn is so strong and as I became desensitized and started seeking stronger and stronger material, my self loathing grew. Started to realise that pleasure in sex with her was diminishing even though my love for her was actually growing. But also I noticed pleasure in everything else, literally everything else was also fading. I felt desperate and alone. Tried many times over the last couple of years to stop but failed pathetically. So I ended up believing it was too late, I was beyond help, I would always be a fraud a vile pervert. I saw a downward trajectory and i was scared of where it would end. Something inside me rebelled, after a particularly heavy binging period I felt so disgusted with myself I just cried. So now I'm fighting hard and trying to accept the pain and believe that it'll be worth it . So I realised I had a problem but that was bought about by real love from a good woman . But its so hard. I just take it one day, one urge one diversionary tactic at a time
     
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  18. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    Good for you! It’s nice to hear love brought about the realization you needed a change. That gives me so much home.
     
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  19. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

    man I'm younger than you but can say it without shame we all have gone through this feeling.. Don't feel like you alone in your journey we all here.. I, personally felt that maybe I was meant to be a failure, a useless pathetic sub-weirdo.. But tell you I'm not and you're not too.. Fight for you, for a woman o for what you like the most but keep on fighting because it'll be worth.. you'll be free.. And freedom has no price
     
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  20. Music Man

    Music Man Fapstronaut

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    I knew something was up when I had trouble getting an erection with a real woman, couldn't maintain it for very long when I did get one, and could never finish with her. Initially I thought I just had a death grip problem and needed to be less aggressive when I masturbated, but once I rediscovered NoFap (I'd seen the TED Talk a few years prior and didn't think anything of it at the time) I decided to try cutting it all out. I was never in nearly as far as many people here, but I typically spent several hours per day at it. After a few months off of PMO I noticed psychological changes that have been the driving force in staying off of it.
     

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