What Makes Us Inherently Evil

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TheCrazyThingIs, Jun 25, 2018.

  1. At what point is someone not a porn addict, but just an asshole?

    I have fapped for years, and I can personally link a lot of the bad stuff that I have done to other people, such as emotional abuse, neglect, and even becoming violent with friends for no reason.

    I've only just started my 4billionth reboot and am on Day One again, but I'm just wondering; maybe I am just a bad person?

    I have hurt people, and found it funny. I watch incredibly dark and twisted pornography and not only get turned on by it, but find it kinda hilarious.

    I want to be kind, I know I want to be because I have experienced love, and know that it is a better feeling than the short seconds of blissful orgasm from a porn video. That makes me want to be good, to keep trying, to be a good guy and support the ones I love.

    But I have a long, long history of not. Even before I knew what porn was, I was an asshole kid. I tormented kittens, and beat, lied and coerced my friends. I've always been slightly manipulative and violent.

    I'm just wondering... if I quit porn, will that go away? Or are assholes just doomed to be assholes forever?
     
  2. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

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    Yes and no.

    There's millions of kids that were poorly socialized growing up, (hi!) and that makes them behave in counter-productive ways. Especially boys, because we're more aggressive by biological design, because there's less mercy and higher consequences for bad behaviour, (if I woman loses her shit and punches me, I barely notice. If I return the favor, she goes to the hospital and I to jail), and unlike women, it is totally common nowadays for a boy to grow up without spending appreciable time around a single good role model of our own sex. It's damn hard to act like a good man if you've never spent any time around one.

    Which means it's not your fault. But it is your responsibility.

    Is there stuff we can do about that? God damn right there is.

    But it's not easy, and there's no published instruction manual. You have to replace the set of behaviours that chase good people away with the kind that attract people that inspire you to become even better and create what's called a positive feedback loop. Which means messing with your unconscious, and that means repetitions. Practice. Doing shit that makes you uncomfortable.
    Most folks fall short along that path somewhere. Some never figure out what to do or how to do it, some don't have the willpower to put in the reps or face the rejection and failures that are bound to happen along the way.

    So can it be done? Yes. Can it be done casually? Good luck.
     
  3. I had a great role model of my own sex growing up. My father is a brilliant man, very kind and caring.

    I think my problems stem from my mother. She had her own issues, she wasn't raised too well either. But the resulting emotional abuse coupled with intense porn usage turned into a lot of misogynistic tenancies as an adult. These tenancies I wish I didn't have, as I appreciate that women are generally beautiful, kind, caring, emotional and people that I can learn from. However, they are there.

    Our behaviors are learned then, not born. That in itself is a comforting thought.
     
  4. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

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    Every behaviour we have can be categorized in one of a three ways. Human universal, characteristic of a demographic, or individual. Human universals (the urge to bust a nut) are almost always biological, and individual behaviours (unhealthy attitudes towards women) are pretty much always conditioned/learned.

    I'm not going to BS you and say that merely by quitting porn, you're not going to get "cured" of the other personality traits you don't like just like that. The (individual) behaviours you don't like were (accidentally) installed over the course of years of getting ignored or punished when doing something positive, and re-inforced when doing something negative.

    Your goal is to reverse the process. To become conscious of your actions, and re-inforce appropriately.
    Notice when you are naturally doing a behaviour you see as "good", and give yourself a pat on the back or an even more tangible reward if it's a big thing. And while you don't necessarily have to punish yourself for behaviour you don't want to see repeated, you DO at least have to make sure that those behaviours aren't being rewarded.... in this specific case, an orgasm in exchange for watching some sick porno. But you can apply it to any area of life you want to improve.
     
    TheCrazyThingIs likes this.

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