I almost lost my job today because of porn addiction. I haven't been to work in two days. I stayed home sick. But I wasn't sick. My kids and wife came home and I had been looking at porn all day. I lied to them and told them how sick I was, and just typing this now I do feel sick. I stayed home again today and by the time I looked at my phone, I had missed five calls and about ten emails. We were being audited and my files were completely fucked up. I've been looking at porn at work, sneaking peaks at it on the drive home, hiding myself away in the bathroom to look at it on my phone. It's been this way for at least 16 years now on and off. The consequences have always been subtle and removed. No one calls me any more. No one relies on me. I have a reputation as an absent minded, aloof, irresponsible colleague and friend. I've let my wife down so many times I can't even keep track. My kids are too young now, but soon they will be the victims of my incredibly addictive distraction as well. Soon I will disappoint them as well, and that will be very hard to bear. But today, I almost lost my job. I barely got files in that I had to get in on time. Tomorrow I will hear about it, and I will lie and say that I was sick to save my ass. I can't keep living like this: lying, falling short, falling flat, self-destructing. I have to STOP!!!! Are these reasons enough? Is this going to be my impetus to stop? I hope so. I've installed getcoldturkey on my computer, and I'm putting something on my phone as well. It's time to get my shit together, but I will need soooo much help! Please reach out to me. I'm in such a dark place right now, and it's hard to be hopeful that quitting is possible. Thanks.