What should I Do?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Amanda011, Jun 28, 2019.

  1. AnxietyDude

    AnxietyDude Fapstronaut

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    I am not sure if its just a Freudian slip, but each time you are posting, you keep saying how much he cares, and how much he loves you. I have not read much about that in return. Perhaps you do not feel the way you think you do about him, and want more then is present.
     
  2. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    So true. There is levels to this porn addiction shit. I only used porn because I dont have the real thing.
     
  3. AnxietyDude

    AnxietyDude Fapstronaut

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    I don't think that only ( Insert use) is a great idea. I find justification is so easy if I make my issues seem tame to others.
    Not calling you out, actually calling myself out. I mean here I may be married and PMO, but at least I am not paying for prostitutes. Such a dangerous way we live. I have often thought, it could be worse. And I know it could be better.
    I think that justification and excuse is our own worst enemies.
     
    PeterJL likes this.
  4. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    I'ts not a justification or excuse. Shouldnt fap to porn or get escorts. All I'm saying is if I had a girl in my life I'd be content with her and not feel the need to seek out other sexual stimuli.
     
    Amanda011 likes this.
  5. Many SOs of addicts on this site will tell you that is not necessarily the case. If you PMO outside of a relationship, you will likely do so inside of one, too.
     
    need4realchg and PeterJL like this.
  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    The real thing cannot be replaced. Choosing a fake version having a real one available makes no sense.
     
  7. AnxietyDude

    AnxietyDude Fapstronaut

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    Obviously, you didn't read my post, I said I was not aiming it at you.
    I was saying and its true, all...... I mean "ALL" addicts use excuse making, redirection, and minimizing.

    I should have said it that way. Sorry, if you were offended, not my intentions.
     
  8. No it doesnt make sense, but I did it for 19 years. Its not about sex with my wife or replacing her with P and M its usually a mixed bag of things that you find is the true causality. To say that its just because a person prefers P and M to their real life partner is a little offensive to me as I am sure the whole thing is offensive to my wife as far as my part in it. Not minimizing my damages to her, but they were were not about replacing her. Please dont generalize so much, its not a one approach fixes all and its certainly not a one thing caused it all, and just because something doesnt make sense doesnt mean it isnt valid or real. There are feelings everyday that my wife has that I may not like or feel the same about, doesn't mean any of it is wrong or senselss, its how she feels and is just as sensible as everyones feelings.

    Question was what should she do

    I think everyone deserves a chance to make things right, she is the only one to make that determination as to what level of action by him is appropriate and what makes her feel safe so she can recover. If he isnt 100 percent working towards it for him, there is no point, middle ground is a nice concept, but frankly its up to us the PA or SA to bridge the gap and step on solid ground and thats a long journey for most of us, may look impossible but its not with the right mind and goal.

    So I ask you what do you want from the relationship, weigh that against his progress or lack there of in a period of time that you find meaningful and under boundaries that you find safety in and make your mind up based on his performance and your guts, they will often tell you the right answer even if you dont believe them.
     
  9. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    I don't really get easily offended.
     
  10. AnxietyDude

    AnxietyDude Fapstronaut

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    OK LOL, Ill take your word for it.
     
  11. Amanda011

    Amanda011 Fapstronaut

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    I genuinely do love him, that is why I am still here. I just want/need to understand this.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  12. Dear Amanda ,

    What a colorful account! ( when you wrote that he claimed that he thought you guys had broken up so it was okay to pmo again- I actually had a good laugh).
    :)

    you are in a good place by sharing it here and getting feedback.

    I want to clarify done things and leave with some homework.

    I don’t usually advocate people ditch unless there is some violence or uncontrolled aggression taking place.

    You are a saint for getting informed. So let’s start dispelling some myths :

    What is your definition of an addiction?

    Do you believe an addict will quit simply because you want them to ?

    Do you believe an addict will be able to quit simply because they themselves want to?

    Do you feel this addiction is connected to your sex life?

    How long do you think it takes to overcome an addiction?

    When you talk to your boyfriend about pmo , are you calm? Upset? Angry? Sensitive? Exhausted?

    Who mentioned the word “addict” first ? Was it you or him?
     
  13. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Keep heading in the right direction and you'll find healing. There really isn't an end to the journey; its a life-long event.

    AND... for journeys of healing ...

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
    AnxietyDude and TimeToQuitNow like this.
  14. Amanda011

    Amanda011 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you.
     

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