What should I do?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Marcus Aurelius, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    When I was a teenager, I was incredibly shy and as a result, I barely talked to girls throughout my time in high school. However, there was this one girl who I talked with sometimes and I never quite forgot her. We were never friends and we only talked in class.

    I've been out of high school now for about 7 years, but 3 years ago I sent her a facebook friend request and she accepted. We sent a few messages back and forth, but then I let it trail off.

    I came across a picture of her while scrolling through my feed and I felt regret that I never made a move, either in high school or when we became facebook friends three years ago. I'm kicking myself over how easy it would have been to keep the conversation on facebook going and eventually ask her out for a drink or something. And now three years have gone by!

    Is there any way that I can reach out to her again in a way that isn't weird?

    Or should I just forget about her? I should be clear that I haven't been pining away all these years or anything. I think of her from time to time and wonder what happened to her, but that's it. If I never speak to her again, I can die happy.

    Is the loneliness of corona just starting to get to me? Or should I say something to her? And, if so, what?

    EDIT: I edited this post to make it more clear.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2020
  2. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    Reaching out during covid isn’t weird. I accidentally got a pen pal a few months ago because I texted the wrong number and he was bored.
     
  3. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    That's a good point. I have gotten back into contact with a few people since COVID started, so that's a good angle to go with.

    I have this horrible paranoia when it comes to girls I'm interested in. I second guess every thing I do and say and I'm always worried about coming on too strong or coming across as a creep (and, of course, the result is that I almost never make a move).
     
  4. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    That’s why I like copy/paste messages/routines. No overthinking and as long as I’m real when I show up for the date it seems like everything is forgiven
     
  5. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Wait until you can ask her out to talk to her. Only talking during covid is going to give the friends vibe, the same you had when you speak to her in the past. This new interaction should be different.

    Wait for the covid is over to talk to her, in their first chat be direct, decisive and ask her out after a couple messages back and forward. If she is interested in you she is going to make it easy for you to get together, if not she is going to make it really difficult. If this the case, just ask her out twice in 2 different weeks, if she makes it difficult because she is so "busy" then stop asking her out and move on.
     
  6. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice. I was thinking of talking back and forth for a little longer than a couple messages before asking her out though. We really don't know each other. It was a long time ago and, like I said, we were never friends. Wouldn't I have a better chance of her saying yes if we get to know each other better first?

    I think you may be right about waiting until we can meet up though. I think I'm going to wait until restaurants are open again, so we can have an easy date option available.
     
  7. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Think about it this way. Do you need to know her a little better to want to go out with her? No, you are ready to ask her out right away. Why? because you are attracted to her and you are interested to see her in person and see what happens. That's how attraction works, when you like a person you proceed to go out with the person and when you get to know him/her a little better you decide if you want to keep dating him/her.
    This girl already talked to you in person so she already knows if she is attracted to you physically and your personality. The only thing left for you to do is to find out if she is attracted to you too.
    The only way to do that is to ask her out. If she is attracted to you, she will say yes. If she is not, no matter how much to talk to her to worm her up is going to make her want to date, she is just no attracted to you.
    So, no. talk to her to warm her up is not going to work in your favor. As a matter of fact is going to work against you. More time you take to chit chat but not asking her out is going to make her think that you don't have the balls to ask her out.
     
  8. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    Yes, but that was 7 years ago. :p
    This is how my former therapist explained this to me. Male attraction is largely physical. We can tell if we're attracted to a girl in seconds. Female attraction works differently, with more of an emphasis on the relationship she has with that person and her opinion of his personality. Based on that, I think that getting to know a girl first before asking her out is a good move. I also talked to another woman about my situation and she also said that I need to talk with her for a bit first before asking her out on a date.
     
  9. An0nym0use1234

    An0nym0use1234 New Fapstronaut

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    Give up on her dude. Trust me man, you're chasing a delusional fantasy and the sooner you give up this ridiculous idea of wooing a girl you haven't seen in 7 yrs the sooner you'll get into a better mindset.
     
  10. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Totally, we are visual creatures, we are already in love with a woman if she is really hot.
    Wrong. The difference between man and woman is that woman don't fall in love as quickly as guys with their initial physical attraction. Girl takes more time to fall in love with a guy, they fall in love with our personality. But if she is not attracted to you physically she is not going to be interested to know you at all. She is just not going to be attracted to you. No matter how much she likes your personality, she is not going to be physically attracted to you so you probably are going to become a good friend for her.
    Never ask woman for advice. Woman don't know what triggers them. If you ask a girl the type of guys she likes and the type of guys she dated are completely different. Woman react to emotions, react to the guy that triggers their emotions and not the type of guy they think they like.
    It's ok to talk for a bit with a girl, maybe chat with her one day and finish the conversation asking her out, or call her and talk for 10 minutes and then ask her out. More than that is not necessary and can work against you, a woman knows that if you contact them you are interested in them so, don't try to go under the radar. Go for what you want without fear, woman love confident man.

    I partially agree with him, if you had a chance 7 years ago, they are probably gone by now, but..to be sure... as i told you, talk to her and ask her out and see what happens. Don't waste more time warming her up, chit chating a lot of time until you think she is ready to go out with you. Be direct with her and if she is not into you then you can move on with your life and forget about her.
     
    LordQuas and An0nym0use1234 like this.
  11. text her: "hey, how you been?"

    Try not to over think things
     
    Marcus Aurelius likes this.
  12. LordQuas

    LordQuas Fapstronaut

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    Forget about her, go meet other girls. You can try for fun but don't expect anything from her, start from scratch with new girls.
     
  13. LordQuas

    LordQuas Fapstronaut

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    Really good, that's right
     

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