What should I think to stop being angry toward everybody?

pantuflasdecoco

pantuflasdecoco

Fapstronaut
I am angry all the time. Anger towards everybody. I'm alone and indoors all day, and rarely go out on my own if it's not for college or something specific. I don't hang out with anyone, I ruined/am constantly ruining the only relationships I have.

I'm more isolated than ever.

It's complicated. The anger towards each person is because of a different story lived with each one. The common thing is that I see everyone as traitors. I don't know if that's the word.

I blame everybody for going away / not talking to me. But it's me the one who draws away. That's the word. I draw away from everyone. That's my problem. I see a threat in all people. I feel like nothing is true, that they will be tired of me in the short-run. So I think, why bother? It's such a depressing way of thinking. And that left me isolated, no friends, not even having social interactions with people. I've become so anti social and even thought I was a hikkikomori or something.
 
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Good, you know where the problem is. What do you need to do to solve it? What is the next right thing to do?
 
Okay, first of all, don't be so hard on yourself. You're aware of the problem which is a good start. Self awareness is key to overcoming any addiction.

Secondly, you need to start challenging those negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and other people. Look up cognitive behavioral therapy, sub topic: soothing your inner critic/negative self talk.

Thinking everyone's out to get you and nobody cares about you will not get you anywhere.

Its time to change your life! You can do this!
 
wtbootb said:
Good, you know where the problem is. What do you need to do to solve it? What is the next right thing to do?
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I don't know what to do. I should speak more, talk more to people on chats, with people I know everything isn't a disaster, and yes there are some people, but I don't know how to talk or what to talk about....... I feel I can only talk about negative thoughts

McGreg said:
Thinking everyone's out to get you and nobody cares about you will not get you anywhere.

Its time to change your life! You can do this!
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Thank you. But the thing about thinking no one cares about me is that I deeply feel it's true, how do I change that?

McGreg said:
Secondly, you need to start challenging those negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and other people. Look up cognitive behavioral therapy, sub topic: soothing your inner critic/negative self talk.
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I'm gonna look it up. Do you recommend any specific readings for this topic?
 
Unfortunately I can relate to this thread, I have isolated myself from many of my closest friends and family members. I've developed a deep hatred within me towards women and females in general. Last night I saw my old best friend with his girlfriend whom I did not know. When speaking to him I completely ignored her existence and didn't even introduce myself to her or saw her as a human being. I feel so terrible for thinking like this but I know that is my safety mechanism to draw away from being hurt by a woman again. Any suggestions?
 
Sounds like my story. I've put "socialize" on my everyday to-do list. It includes going outside and interacting with other people (not family members), e.g. going to a gym, meeting friends/acquaintances/colleagues, going on a date, going to a movie/theater/museum/whatever. This doesn't mean I do something special, but at least I'm not sitting home all the time like I did before. First, I started by just attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings, later I included other things, and after I started NoFap I bought a gym membership and even found a girlfriend. (But it's not because NoFap gave me superpowers, I just did those things as parts of my recovery.)

Now I'm planning to go to a swimming pool and start traveling. It scares me when I think about it, I barely went outside my city during my life, but I need to expand my comfort zone in order to become a person I want to be.
 
To OP,

Refer to LILD.

I also suggest purchasing a journal and writing it in each and every day. Multiple times a day. When a negative thought arises, write it down. Ask yourself where this thought is coming from, is it valid, is it helpful. This is all from CBT.
 
McGreg said:
To OP,

Refer to LILD.

I also suggest purchasing a journal and writing it in each and every day. Multiple times a day. When a negative thought arises, write it down. Ask yourself where this thought is coming from, is it valid, is it helpful. This is all from CBT.
Click to expand...

I actually started writing a new jornal last night on Microsoft Word. When I was younger I used to do it on paper, now I prefer Word for speed of writing. Even though it's not the same, Idk, maybe I'll switch later.
Anyway, I want to start doing that. Writing all the negative phrases that appears in my mind all day. One of the most frequent, maybe the most, is that I feel I'm a boring person to everyone. Always the fear of another person perceiving me as boring. That one and the thought that I'm incapable of connecting to others.

Two days ago I had something like a 'hate attack' being in home. I laid down in my bed and was almost parallized for 1 hour only thinking negative things, full of hate towards everything and everyone, that I even end up having a headache. I felt an inmmense desire of start insulting everyone and treat everyone like shit for no reason, feeling that it was always me who was treated like shit and now it's my time and it's justified.

Fortunately that is gone and today I felt surprinsingly calm. I'm getting to know a girl and I felt everything is not lost yet with her, we chatted today but I just don't know what to talk about.
 
pantuflasdecoco said:
I actually started writing a new jornal last night on Microsoft Word. When I was younger I used to do it on paper, now I prefer Word for speed of writing. Even though it's not the same, Idk, maybe I'll switch later.
Anyway, I want to start doing that. Writing all the negative phrases that appears in my mind all day. One of the most frequent, maybe the most, is that I feel I'm a boring person to everyone. Always the fear of another person perceiving me as boring. That one and the thought that I'm incapable of connecting to others.

Two days ago I had something like a 'hate attack' being in home. I laid down in my bed and was almost parallized for 1 hour only thinking negative things, full of hate towards everything and everyone, that I even end up having a headache. I felt an inmmense desire of start insulting everyone and treat everyone like shit for no reason, feeling that it was always me who was treated like shit and now it's my time and it's justified.

Fortunately that is gone and today I felt surprinsingly calm. I'm getting to know a girl and I felt everything is not lost yet with her, we chatted today but I just don't know what to talk about.
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Keep calm and follow @LilD's advice. I can relate with most stuff you wrote and believe me, it's not the end of the world.
 
LilD said:
Sounds like my story. I've put "socialize" on my everyday to-do list. It includes going outside and interacting with other people (not family members), e.g. going to a gym, meeting friends/acquaintances/colleagues, going on a date, going to a movie/theater/museum/whatever. This doesn't mean I do something special, but at least I'm not sitting home all the time like I did before. First, I started by just attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings, later I included other things, and after I started NoFap I bought a gym membership and even found a girlfriend. (But it's not because NoFap gave me superpowers, I just did those things as parts of my recovery.)

Now I'm planning to go to a swimming pool and start traveling. It scares me when I think about it, I barely went outside my city during my life, but I need to expand my comfort zone in order to become a person I want to be.
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How did you start? Did you start going alone to movies/theaters/museums, then randomly started talking to strangers there? I would love that, and I think of start doing exactly that all the time but I don't have the balls yet.

For instance, I couple of days ago I was in my home, I stayed indoors all day, I was having a lot of frustration for not going out and being with my parents all day. Until I said 'I need to get out' at 11 PM at night and went for a walk in my neighbourhood. It seems I always feel better going out for a simple walk, no matter if it's just half an hour, than not going out at all. I'm realizing that actually helps. Anyway, I went for a walk and I walked near a small modest church. I saw quite a lot of people hanging around, some musicians with a drum set, there was quite a lot of girls and boys my age, and people selling food too, like they were all leaving a concert inside the building.
I thought I'd liked to start talking to someone about anything, I came and went near the church but finally I left without talking to anyone. I dont know, it's a small thing, but the thing is that that exact kind of situations are the ones where I'd love to live something unplanned.
 
determined488 said:
Unfortunately I can relate to this thread, I have isolated myself from many of my closest friends and family members. I've developed a deep hatred within me towards women and females in general. Last night I saw my old best friend with his girlfriend whom I did not know. When speaking to him I completely ignored her existence and didn't even introduce myself to her or saw her as a human being. I feel so terrible for thinking like this but I know that is my safety mechanism to draw away from being hurt by a woman again. Any suggestions?
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Yes, just call your friend and tell him you were sorry of what happened. He'll be very understanding and appreciative. Communicate with him when you think it is the right time.
 
The best way for me to cope with anger is to simply workout. It doesn't even have to be at a gym. Just running and doing some sit-ups and push-ups is more then enough to alleviate most of my anger.

I personally make it a routine to go to bed by 8:00pm and wake up at 5:30am to sprint for a half-hour to an hour.

It also helps to be mindful. Try to realize where that anger is coming from. For me, a lot of the anger came about by playing a lot of competitive video-games and being frustrated with my teammates in matchmaking. I couldn't release or give into my anger though, because I had to focus on playing the game and not spouting insults at my teammates. After realizing this, I've limited my time playing video-games, instead opting to just zone out and listen to classical music by Chopin or Japanese Zen music while reading books; in particular on days where I am really frustrated.
 
Hi, so big deal of the anger you talk about actually comes from being alone, don't stay alone because then you will start thinking about bad stuff about other people, so in that sense you should not trust your self.
 
pantuflasdecoco said:
How did you start? Did you start going alone to movies/theaters/museums, then randomly started talking to strangers there?
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The full story is what I got into a rehabilitation center (I was in a really bad condition) in another city and we used to go to Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It was me, other patients, and a psychologist or a volunteer working at the center. After some time I was able to go outside on my own (usually it's not allowed), so I did that, and also I started going to other public places together with my friend.

Later, when I got back to my hometown, I simply continued going to NA meetings regularly. I got some new friends there and started socializing with them, and also I had several chances to meet my old friends/colleagues, so I did that too.

Just walking alone is still better than sitting at home alone, and sometimes I just walk around few blocks if I have nobody to hang out with at that moment.

If you have problems talking to random strangers, start with something simpler. At least just go where the people are to get comfortable around them. It can be difficult, but here are some tips I've learned that can help with your fears:
  • Look at people around you. (Don't stare, but simply observe them.) Often I have that feeling like everybody's looking at me. By looking around I can prove myself wrong.
  • Before going outside, don't imagine the situation. (Think of something else or meditate instead.) This is where my negative thinking comes in, I always imagine somebody will laugh at me because I'll look stupid or something like. By preventing such thoughts I reduce my fears to a minimum.
  • If you hear somebody's laughing behind your back, take a quick look. When I hear a laughter, I often tend to think that people are laughing at me. But when I look at them I often notice that they are not even facing my way. Again, that way I can disprove my negative thoughts.
  • Don't plan your conversations. Again, my negative thinking shows me horrible pictures of how I say something stupid or someone being aggressive towards me.
The basic idea behind all these tips is not letting your negative thinking induce your fears by either observing the reality or simply preventing the negative thoughts. Proving yourself that your fears are fake.
 
LilD said:
If you have problems talking to random strangers, start with something simpler. At least just go where the people are to get comfortable around them. It can be difficult, but here are some tips I've learned that can help with your fears:
  • Look at people around you. (Don't stare, but simply observe them.) Often I have that feeling like everybody's looking at me. By looking around I can prove myself wrong.
  • Before going outside, don't imagine the situation. (Think of something else or meditate instead.) This is where my negative thinking comes in, I always imagine somebody will laugh at me because I'll look stupid or something like. By preventing such thoughts I reduce my fears to a minimum.
  • If you hear somebody's laughing behind your back, take a quick look. When I hear a laughter, I often tend to think that people are laughing at me. But when I look at them I often notice that they are not even facing my way. Again, that way I can disprove my negative thoughts.
  • Don't plan your conversations. Again, my negative thinking shows me horrible pictures of how I say something stupid or someone being aggressive towards me.
The basic idea behind all these tips is not letting your negative thinking induce your fears by either observing the reality or simply preventing the negative thoughts. Proving yourself that your fears are fake.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much, I needed something like this! :) I'll translate these points and write them down to always have them present. I plan of start working out / running and these fears keep me back.

But I meant, what do you start talking about when meeting an stranger? In a cinema, about the movie, in a theater, about the show, in a museum about the art piece/s, but what else, once you're finished with that topic?
 
Hi, you don't have to push to get some friends, just being in a social room seeing other people is enough to start with. There is a reason people go to library/ cafe to read/work studies and not to stay at home, need stimulants in environment , not saying there is bad to be alone, if you choose then its beneficial it will come naturally and you meet friends that make you feel better but don't force it because you feel lonely then you probably just get friends which you later later you regret.

Just try to be humble its very important, don't think bad about other people or judged others in advance. will make it easier for an open mind to meet new friends. one of the best things would be physical activities in groups, so any sports you like?

For spiritual matter problem maybe try the church, preferably orthodoxy.

best
 
determined488 said:
Unfortunately I can relate to this thread, I have isolated myself from many of my closest friends and family members. I've developed a deep hatred within me towards women and females in general. Last night I saw my old best friend with his girlfriend whom I did not know. When speaking to him I completely ignored her existence and didn't even introduce myself to her or saw her as a human being. I feel so terrible for thinking like this but I know that is my safety mechanism to draw away from being hurt by a woman again. Any suggestions?
Click to expand...


Hi, dont let one women loose all your trust for other girls and people. Its not worth it. New girls and chances will come and then you need to keep and open mind to see whats best for you. Maybe you also treated other people bad so no point of hating, and if like that the person or persons you had experience with was untrustworthy, all i can say let it me lesson to be more careful of being deceived, lets assume a girls so shows interested by chatting with you online, but she might also chat with other guys, because at least you know now how the people are and don't need to put much more interested or energy into that, just move on. If people untrustworthy you learn how to deal with them without spending energy or any hate.

best.
 
@pantuflasdecoco

Wow my friend, if I went back 10 years in a time machine I think My posts would sound exactly the same as yours.

Your self awareness is awesome and you are making some great progress. Just by deciding to go outside the house and taking a walk is a great thing. You may not be talking to people but you are getting used to hanging around people again which is a great thing and a step to going to where you want to go.

I never know what to say to people and that has always been a struggle. I liked the idea that one person posted about finding activities with people that you like to do. I find it is easier to talk to people when you are doing something than just sitting around and the focus is on talking. It is important to look for these opportunities. It depends what your interests are. But, I found it easier to do this than just try to talk to people.

As far as anger, I was there. The more people enter your life you will find people that people will care for you and that will help with the anger. Like you I made up assumptions on why people did or said what they said in social situations. Guess what? You may have noticed a lot of assumptions you make are wrong.

For example if someone passes you that you know and does not say hi, you may think they do not like you or do not care, but in reality they may have wanted to and were shy, or lost in there brain as well. My best advice is when you get an assumption about others, try to see if you can find the truth. For example with you friends girlfriend next time you see them you can say, “I totally did not say hi to you last time. So sorry. I felt bad about that. Did not know what to say.” She should reply with what she thought about that, may say she did not even remember.

Definately takes time and a learning process. I loosely read the thread after your first few posts so some of what I share may not be relevant.

I just saw myself in you and know the pain and hurt from what you are going through. Hope things continue to get better for you.
 
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