I feel the need to provide a blunt clarification to the PA in a relationship with a partner that is injured by the behaviors around the addiction, especially when lies and lying by omission is involved and probably has been for some time. There may be some confusion or even plain ignorance about the emotional effect on a partner when relapse happens. regular relapses mean regular reinforcement of this effect, which creates trauma which is difficult for the partner to mitigate by themselves, no matter how emotionally resilient they may be. When it has already been established that the relationship is incurring damage and that recovery for the PA is crucial to the survival of the relationship, here is what you are communicating whenever you relapse, lie, omit, gaslight or create distance by avoiding and acting out in spite of the established need for total commitment to recovery. -my feelings are more important than yours. -i prioritize my desires, wants and urges over your pain.... -i understand that you are already emotionally injured and this might hurt you further, but i am more interested in it than you..... -my comfort comes before preventing your discomfort..... -i want a relationship with you, but right now i dont really care about the outcome..... -i am okay with risking losing you for a few minutes/seconds of escape into my own isolated pleasure..... -I deserve this, even if it hurts you or costs us more time to rebuild trust.... -right now, i dont know or care what you are going through or how i affect you..... -i am not sorry about the trauma i have created in your life..... -even though you believe in me and invest your energy and faith into our relationship despite your woundedness, i choose to disrespect you one more time.... After each statement, feel free to pencil in your excuses and reasonings that carry you through the the choice to relapse. This is what your silence has already told your partner before you arrived to provide the excuse and reasoning. SOs: please feel free to include your own conversations with your partner's silence, omissions, and lies accompanying a relapse.