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What Stops us from Changing and How we can Actually Change

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Delphium, Aug 31, 2015.

  1. Delphium

    Delphium Fapstronaut

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    We resist change.

    However clear the change may appear to us or however clear we make it, to the brain, on some instinctual level, it means something new. Something new means the unknown and the unknown produces fear.

    Each and every time.

    On one side, this fear of the unknown keeps us alive and from, say, emigrating to Timbuktu on a whim. On the other, it keeps us from making necessary and imperative changes.

    Resistance can manifest as, for example, fear, doubt, procrastination, or saying you cannot do something because you don't feel motivated.

    A rule of thumb: if it's stopping you from changing for the better, it's resistance.

    So, how can we change?

    One way is to start small and build constructive habits. We take steps each and every day. Consistency, the routines that grow from it, work wonders in time.

    The other way is to charge through resistance by doing whatever it is we fear, doubt, etc. anyway.

    I recommend a combination of both. The second option will only get us so far in the long-run and the first option may be too slow for some.

    On a side note, when considering progress to be too slow, look up: Deferred Gratification.

    Further Reading:

    The First Option:
    • One Small Step Can Change Your Life by Robert Maurer, M.D.
    • The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.
    • BJ Fogg - Tiny Habits.
    • jamesclear.com - the aggregation of marginal gains.

    The Second Option:
    • The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

    Routines:
     
    Hiro 304, Jodokus and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Yep learned the same thing from different sources, and what you are saying here is key.
    For me I see this most easily with healthy diet, working out and cold showers...
    One slight additional thing I do: I take my resistance to do these things (or indulge in their opposites) as red flags that I am in danger of PMO... it's like an early warning system...
     
    Jodokus likes this.
  3. docker

    docker Fapstronaut

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    Wonderful thoughts @Delphium

    Brain resists change because it fears the new territory!!!!! It wants to be where they are familiar places and people. That's why people feels little weird when they are away from home for a first time, in a foreign country, vacations etc. When someone takes his brain out of the COMFORT ZONE (usual habits - the everyday reality - routine), the brain feels stress and anxiety by fear of the unknown. The next factor is the evaluation of the unknown. If for example someone decides to start exercising his/her body, the new and unknown quantity of pain (pain of the muscles) makes the brain wants to drop this new territory and return to the comfort zone again. But if someone insists and do the new stuff for a small period of time, the brain starts to include this unknown territory into the comfort zone and makes it familiar. The brain then creates new paths (neurones) to store these informations and feel safe again. What someone has succeed by this? Expanded comfort zone!!!!!!!!

    What helps is to insist for something new until the brain feels safe and absorb it into the comfort zone! The same thing happens when someone trying to get out of the masturbation habit. The brain needs time to feel that avoiding masturbation is safe and then it will recalibrate it's habits.
     
    Jodokus likes this.

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