What to do when a girl rejects you

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. This message represents my vision of how I see things. I am still learning and I still have a lot to learn.

    Sometimes you think that when you get rejected by a girl, the best way to keep your dignity is:

    - Acting like a detached guy and not give a shit and ignore the girl and move on that way.
    - Acting like you've never been interested in this girl.
    - More generally, acting differently than you did before she told you this.

    You think it's the right thing to do when, in fact, it's the opposite. Because you show that when a situation is no longer favorable to you, you behave differently.
    A lot of guys are cool when it's going well. but as soon as a girl rejects them, they let their ego and pride define them and define their action. This attitude is immature but so ingrained in our lives. It brings only negativity, pain but above all a feeling of not having been able to express yourself fully.

    Sometimes it's hard to let go. You went to talk to that girl you liked. But if it's hard to let go, it's even harder to try to bring a girl into your life who doesn't want to come into your life.
    I'm going to tell you a mindset that can bring you a lot in your encounters with girls. By adopting this mindset, several girls came back to talk to me several months and sometimes even years after we met. But more importantly, rejection is no longer a source of frustration.

    When we get rejected by a girl, the thing to understand is that right now, there's no point in continuing to try.

    1) Understanding this girl

    It's not always easy. If you liked this girl, there's a part of you that's upset. But you have to understand this girl. If you were in the same situation, you would do the same thing she did. She has her reasons. You don't know her whole story.
    The only thing to do is not to judge her and accept the situation.

    2) Being vulnerable

    Being able to tell that girl :

    "okay, you're telling me you don't want to see me anymore. I really liked you. I wanted to see if we could get along. There were some things I liked about you." It may seem counterintuitive. But it is by being able to show your vulnerability that you show her how mature you are. You're sending her a very powerful message. You're telling her : "I, in a situation that is unpleasant for me, I remain true to my values and to who I am". I don't let my ego dictate my actions. I don't act like I don't give a shit because I don't. I'm in a situation that's unpleasant for me. But I liked you and I assume it.

    3) Being considerate

    This girl rejects you and tells you there's nothing going to happen between you and her. What she's afraid of is that when she says that to a guy, he sends her a lot of messages and bothers her. She made us understand that now it's not possible. What we need to do is make her understand that she has nothing to worry about.That we're not going to write her a bunch of messages, that we respect her decision. We wish her all the best for the future.

    To conclude

    Letting your ego take over when you get rejected is misplaced pride. There's no shame in telling a girl you liked her. It shows how mature you are and how you take responsibility for your sexuality. Besides, it's much easier to move on when you've been respectful of your feelings and emotions. If you don't honestly tell this girl what you thought of her, you'll always have that voice saying, "You didn't show vulnerable, you didn't really tell her you liked her."

    By adopting this state of mind, you've acted like a man. You did what you had to do. You have nothing else to do. For this girl, that kind of answer is heaven. She can't ask for anything more. If you see her again in the street for example, It won't be weird and you won't have anything to blame yourself for. And maybe she'll even change her mind in the meantime.

    In fact, rejection is a positive thing. The more you get rejected, the more you discover who you really are and the kind of girls you want in your life, the more you can act in spite of fear, and the more you love yourself.

    EDIT

    You can react to rejection in any way you want as long as your reaction is not fuelled by a feeling of anger, jealousy,pride, loneliness, sadness, superiority, frustration, self-hate, negative views of women but rather by a feeling of love for who you are and forgiveness. Sometimes it's hard to know because what we think deeply about ourselves is in our subconscious mind.

    Feel free to tell me what you think of this mindset and feel free to share yours. I think this can help lots of guys.

    Take care of yourself
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2020
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  2. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    This is very well written, and I agree 100%.
     
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  3. Just a question. What about this scenario : "What about a girl that's immature and does a mistake by rejecting a idk a good man?"

    This scenario is often repeated and that's what every girl at least worry about after rejecting one.


    I think love is something mutual, it shouldn't be biased toward "freedom of selection by a specific gender" (I'm actually too strict on this)

    I as a male, may NOT select some females since I have my own values.

    Don't take this to account but when I saw this post, I guessed you're something between 20-24 and I was correct. There are somethings to know, women want independent men.
    What's important here is that you should carefully choose which female. Just try to read more about that (Independent man). (I'm 23)

    P.S: Some of them may tell this to theirselves "I know how you feel about me and I respect that but I have other values than yours and unfortunately I can't pursue this any further"

    And some of them may say "I'm god! So attractive,won the lottery, and successful, so you don't deserve me" and in this case your quote (above, in the beginning of my comment) is an absolute non-sense since your dignity is gone, DEAD man. So, things like this case it can be a rip case.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 6, 2020
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  4. I think in any situation, the best thing to do is to accept. You can't make her change. It's up to her to change on her own if she's immature. Just because you're a good man doesn't mean you won't be rejected. Rejection is an integral part of our society. The only thing we can change is our relationship to rejection. As i said you don't know her reasons. And even if she wasn't clear on that reason, she has her reasons.

    What she's done is over. Acting on your ego and pride will only bring you pain. I've had many situations where the girl was the one who misbehaved towards me. What has always worked is to forgive and move on, leaving my ego out of it. Resisting your emotions only makes them worse.

    "And some of them may say "I'm god! So attractive,won the lottery, and successful, so you don't deserve me" and in this case your quote (above, in the beginning of my comment) is an absolute non-sense since your dignity is gone, DEAD man. So, things like this case it can be a rip case."

    Of course you don't have to apply this mindset to every rejection of any kind. But the main message I'm trying to get across is to put your ego aside. Because it only brings nothing but negativity, pain, and most of all it takes you away from who you are deep down inside.

    But you're right to challenge me on this. It's an interesting subject
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 6, 2020
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  5. Yep bruh, totally agree that moving on is the best thing.
    I would in such situation, try to focus on my studying. It's just hormones, a trigger to push you to love or to hate and pain.What may cause pain is to relate ego to rejection, that's devastating and or maybe a bad mindset that maybe I'm not good enough?
    It happens, unconsciously I'd ask myself whether something's wrong with me or what?
    But females have the same case too,they ask why that man wouldn't ask me out? Am I not an attractive female? And again that bad mindset here too.
     
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  6. Yep i agree with you. It's a long job to get rid of those limiting thoughts and put your ego aside. It takes time and practice, failures and learnings. It requires a willingness to reconnect with oneself rather than one's ego. But it's worth it. Real and deep authenticity is very difficult to develop.
     
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  7. JasonMamoa

    JasonMamoa Fapstronaut

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    Surprisingly! I did the same thing as you suggested. That's how a man should be. But I truly didn't understand why one would reject someone until I had to reject someone my self. I was her crush. It truly is hard to reject someone who thinks so highly of you. But this is life. Sometimes you had to take tough decisions.
     
  8. I agree with you. It's harder to be in the situation where you have to reject someone.
    But you have to make the best decision, even if it hurts that person in the short term. I also had a hard time rejecting girls and telling them it's not going to go any further for fear of hurting them. But hiding the truth is worse than anything.

    And you feel good about being true to your values and who you are.
     
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  9. What to do when a girl rejects you?
    Try again another time if her response wasn't really clear or there were environmental factors that could've affected her response. If she still isn't interested find another girl.
     
  10. Everydaybetter

    Everydaybetter New Fapstronaut

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    You have some skill in writing man.
     
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  11. This is so so good. Especially number 3.

    I try to explain that to guys who just don't understand. Some guys get mad when a girl lies and says she has a boyfriend or something, but what they don't understand is that telling a guy you have a boyfriend is usually a pretty good way to get them to not harrass you after you reject them. Because unfortunately some men respect other men more than the woman they are talking to. So they'll back off when they know another man has already staked his claim, out of respect for the man.

    Or course I'm not at all implying that all men are like that, or even most men. But some are, and all it takes is a couple bad experiences for a woman to decide she needs to change the way she rejects men, for her own safety and peace of mind.

    If anyone wants to see and understand more about what women have to deal with when rejecting a man, go to YouTube and type in "r/niceguys." You will be astounded at the amount of disgusting verbal abuse hurled at women simply for politely saying no.

    So yeah, I really appreciate that point on your list. The whole post is good. Those nice guys videos also highlight the importance of your other point about not changing your attitude when she says no. It definitely comes off as incredible immature, and it's basically an immediate sign that she did the right thing in rejecting you.

    On the other hand, if you don't react that way, I could actually totally see a woman changing her mind and even saying yes instead, simply because of that. It's possible she's had so many bad experiences that she just says no to everyone, no matter what, and you resting maturely about that and understanding her point of view could easily be enough if a show of your character and kindness that she might just change her mind on the spot.
     
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  12. I totally agree with this.

    I also always try to remind people that there are so many factors that might make someone reject you, and it's not always some kind of sign that there's something wrong with you and you need to change. Just because you weren't her cup of tea doesn't mean there's anything wrong. Maybe you're mint tea and she only like chamomile. But somebody else out there might love mint, and you might be exactly what they're looking for.

    At the end of the day, if someone rejects you, they aren't into you. And you want to be with someone who is into you. It's in your best interest to move on. I really don't get why some people try so hard to win over a particular person who has rejected them. Unless there's some reason you think they actually would really like you, but their judgement is clouded at the moment or something.

    But if they just don't like you that much, then why would you want to pressure them into saying yes? You should go find someone who likes you.

    I remember telling this guy in college that I liked him. I was fairly certain he didn't feel the same way, but I liked him so dang much that I just couldn't move on unless I knew for certain. So I told him, and he said he didn't like me like that, and I was a little disappointed but mostly just glad to know for sure, so I could cross him off my mental list of options and move onto someone else.

    Rejection really doesn't have to be such a bad thing. If someone is a really bad match for you, you should want then to reject you, so you don't end up wasting time and getting attached to something that isn't going to last.
     
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  13. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Celebrate the fact that you can move on and not waste time investing in someone that isn't interested in your honest self expression.
     
  14. Buy silver. Learn about derivatives.

    If she rejects you, she did you a favour.

    The unfortunate thing about most men (myself included) is we gave women power... that they didn't even have. Very sad really.

    The reality is if you're healthy, if you're focused on your career, business, etc etc you wont be rejected by women.

    If you're constantly dealing with rejection... you need to step back and say am I worth being around?

    If you stay in a basement all day playing video games and your whole world crashes because the 6/10 on tinder ghosted you then you have wayyy bigger problems than being rejected by women.
     
  15. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    Rejection means literally nothing. Its about having the confidence to interact and openly express yourself. Whether you are accepted or rejected doesnt really matter, its the effort that makes it a win.
     
  16. I agree with you and I thank you for adding some information on this subject which is really interesting.
    The most important thing if I had to sum up is to put your ego aside. It's about acting on your values and who you are no matter what. The main goal is not to change this girl's mind, it's about staying true to who you are.
     
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  17. Totally. You can't please everyone. And the moment you realize that, you finally take off that mask that keeps you from being authentic.

    Congratulations on having the guts to tell this guy what you thought of him.

    We run away from rejection because it's in our nature. There's real work to be done to change the way we see things. When you know who you are, you let go of all those outside events that you can't control. You act on what's important to you and you don't lie to yourself.

    I've been rejected almost 2,000 times by girls I liked. I talk to girls I like on the street, that's why. But after 2 years of going out of my comfort zone, I realize that all these rejections, all these girls who didn't want to see me again after the first date etc., have helped me to know who I am.

    The truth is that we realize how good rejection is only by experiencing it many times. Thank you for your comment. I'm glad to know that some people have a very deep vision of things.
     
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  18. Oh dude i feel you. It's a typical nice guy trait.

    Refocusing on oneself and bringing one's goals to the forefront is the best way to heal from this constant need for outside validation.
     
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  19. Definitely. The moment you take action, you win.
     
  20. Thanks. I didn't mind the rejection, but the conversation did kind of annoy me because he was surprisingly condescending about it. So that kind of helped to shatter my crush on him anyway. Lol

    Totally! That's a very mature and healthy way to look at it.
     

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