What to do when you mess up?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Aryangor, Jan 30, 2015.

  1. Aryangor

    Aryangor Fapstronaut

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    Hey!

    Want to share my thoughts, since I am on day zero again, and feel like I will never break free from the MO addiction.

    There is passion in your heart. Of course, you went longer without relapses that you ever used to go. For as long as you can remember, you were a glow screen fapping junkee. And now all of a sudden you are doing so much better than you expected. Your streak is fantastic, your confidence is high, and your motivation for life is like a tornado. Nothing can stand in your way and you feel that this addiction can - and will - be beaten once and for all!

    And then you relapse...

    [​IMG]

    For the first few seconds it feels like you are waking up from a dream. Or a dream of a dream. What just happened? Did it really happen? No, it couldn't have happened... Is this really happening?

    Then comes the part of denial. This isn't really important. I am not gonna tell. I am not gonna count this as a relapse. No this is just once, its ok. No, man, you are doing good, impossibly good, this is not you, this is not real.

    Then comes the shame and the guilt. (And all three talk to you at once) Oh man, I really did it! Damn! DAMN!!! Really? Really now? How could I? What was I thinking? What was I thinking, man?! I was doing so well, I was on this and this day, I was doing so damn well! Why did I do this, oh why? I wish I could go back, just one minute, just 30 seconds back!

    I am such a loser... Sitting here pitying myself. I am such a girl. I am so weak, I will never beat this crap. Its too strong, its too much for me... How do other guys ever do it? Maybe they are just better... and I am not. Maybe I will never get it right. What am I doing wrong - I tried everything already... Man! Will I ever beat this? How can I ever beat this? I will never beat this...

    And so you fall into the vicious cycle. Unless you snap out of it asap, your next thoughts will be: Oh man, well, for what its worth, it was nice. I didn't fap for quite a while so it felt really good. I guess I can do it one more time... its day zero anyway, so one more time won't hurt... oh yeah...

    And then, a whole bunch of days later, you realize what a mess you are in and how you were so binging that you even forgot where you came from and where you are going.

    Now stop right there!!

    I will not say you are being hard on yourself - in beating PMO one has to be hard on oneself to actually make progress. PMO addiction is selfish, draining and dehumanizing. It destroys your life. So unless you put up a really good fight, you will not succeed. I mean, it took you years and years of fapping to porn to get there where you are at right now. Do you really, seriously think it will go away in a month or two?

    At the same time the question is: are you reasonable with yourself? Yeah its true that this addiction took years to suck you in, but again, it will take a while for you to get out. There will be pitfalls, there will be withdrawals, there will be difficulties. Is it your fault that you have to go through them? Absolutely, yes - because your recklessness got u here in the first place.

    But all these pitfalls, temptations, withdrawals and other junk - is that part of who you wanna be? Is it all part of your new life? No way!!!

    Please remember this one truth. Although all these things are still alongside you, they do no longer make you you, and they also don't define you or your lifestyle. Roughly speaking, its a bad habit you want to unlearn so that it is not there with you any more in the future. So you would distantiate yourself from it, wouldn't you? To break free!

    Such thinking of a renewed identity is crucial if you ever want to beat this crap. Remind yourself that, although this happened, it isn't you any more - not the new you! Yes, do take responsibility and admit to yourself and to your accountability partners that you relapsed - because you did. And it was your conscious mind that chose that path, yes. But its not who you are any more - its not the new you!

    In your new PMO free life there is no room for PMO any more. Like a person who is changing their eating habits, you will have to face the refined sugars of PMO every day. And yes, sometimes you will get a crumb here and there. Sometimes you will gobble up that iced cupcake, however unhealthy and disgusting it would be afterwards. But its not your lifestyle any more.

    This is another absolutely solid reason not to binge. You say its day zero again and another one or two wont hurt? Oh yes, it will! Because you are doing something that you are not. Something that isn't part of who you are. Something that doesn't belong in your universe any longer. So why are you allowing it to linger?

    When you relapse, you allow defeat to become your focus for some time. But you can snap out of it and claim victory over it within seconds after it happened. Within seconds!! Or you can remain stuck in defeat and not allow victory to refresh your mindset. And the longer you are stuck in defeat after a relapse, the more of those relapses will come and squish themselves into that period of defeat. So shut that door - NOW!!

    You are changing. You are growing. You are getting stronger. It's a process, yes, and it will take some time to get to where you want to be, mentally, physically, and sexually. But you have to live that new life - not the old one. Don't let the past become your future again. Focus on your new future and your new destiny and make sure you act in line with this new reality every second of your present!

    [​IMG]

    P.S.: And people?.. Well, who cares what people think? They will never have to live your life, so listen to them, take their advice, and go on and do your own thing.
     

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  2. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Incredible post, very well written. I hope more people see this.
     
  3. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Indeed. An incredible post. Thank you Aryangor. I'm amazed that you have found this level of wisdom, just after your last relapse. Sorry to hear that btw.

    "You are changing. You are growing. You are getting stronger."- Yes, and you also have the right to believe in yourself. You can do anything you want to do. You can be anything you want to be if you believe in yourself. Relapse, no matter how strong the urges, is always a choice. To prevent relapse you need to make wise choices everyday of your new life.

    All the best Aryangor. Thank you.
     
  4. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    Really inspiring post, Aryangor.
     
  5. heyitshannes

    heyitshannes Fapstronaut

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    Love this post. Thank you so much for sharing. After just relapsing a couple of hours ago, reading this was exactly what I needed.
     
  6. Warrior01

    Warrior01 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing is your feelings. I can feel the pain, and the hope and strength at the same time, reading this. It definitely helps me and other people.
     
  7. adriatik28

    adriatik28 Fapstronaut

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    Wow... what you just posted is a very well-rounded way of dealing with a relapse and going forward after one. It's also applicable for a lot of us here who are in different parts in this battle.

    This addiction has a hold on us in ways we only find out when we start breaking free from it. It's a constant battle - win some, lose some but we never have to lose focus on our personal goals when we started making this commitment. It's also a journey of discovering who were really are. We discover new strengths, working on our weaknesses, and meeting people who can help us in becoming our new self.

    I agree that this should be read by more fellows here in the forum. This is one powerful, inspiring, and kick-ass message. Requesting your permission to re-post this in my journal.
     
  8. Popeye15

    Popeye15 Fapstronaut

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    This is fantastic thank you for posting!!
     
  9. Aryangor

    Aryangor Fapstronaut

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    Hey, guys!

    Thanks for the positive feedback! :)

    I was just processing my thoughts and emotions, based on what I understand the teaching of Jesus is about. So I am really glad it helped some of you! Way to go, people!!

    Sure adriatik, you are more than welcome to re-post and to show to other people! :)
     
  10. seventyniner

    seventyniner Fapstronaut

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    Right on the money. Brilliant! Thank you very much.
     
  11. BeginningOfNewLife

    BeginningOfNewLife Fapstronaut

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    Amazing..Very Well Written and worth Reading. Every NoFap member should read it once. Thank You very much for sharing :) Going to Save it in my lappy ;)
     
  12. Aryangor

    Aryangor Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the feedback guys!
     

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